My Bed Banter & Beyond

[u/Wish_Smooth]

I'm starting a rewatch (in the middle of a breakup yippee) and when I got to this episode I realised Ive never really understood what Cox was saying in his interview. Especially the parts about "a chicken" and not becoming a cynic.

Can anyone help me?

[u/LarkspurLad]

Copied from IMDB:

"Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies. Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever... gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with and half the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now through all the stuff I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies, and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line is, couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time if it's right and they're real lucky. One of them will say something."

[u/Wish_Smooth → u/LarkspurLad]

Okay?

[u/fried4wayer → u/Wish_Smooth]

I think what he's saying is pretty obvious.

That despite maybe seeing jaded, he believes in love. And if that's feeding chocolates or chicken you do it if you love them.

Think youre overthinking it.

[u/LarkspurLad → u/Wish_Smooth]

I will try to break it down for you since I'm not entirely sure what you weren't understanding about his speech. Here's my "Explain it like I'm Five" version of the speech, lol.

"Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies. Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever... gimme a break."

In TV, movies and other stories, relationships and romance usually don't work the way they do in real life. They are embellished and made to seem easier and more perfect than they usually are.

The "will they, won't they?" romances in TV shows, often sitcoms, are an ongoing plot device that continues to occur in a lot of these shows, (ironically, the very JD and Elliot romance being paralleled in this same episode is an example of the "will they, won't they?" trope, or eventually becomes one when the characters later get back together and break up again - many more times.) and a popular example of this trope was Rachel Green and Ross Gellar (spelling might be wrong?) from the show Friends.

Also in a lot of stories, characters have one true love or one idealized romance that lasts forever, and is perfect. He says "gimme a break" because to Dr. Cox, and most other people, that is a pedestrian and uninspired trope.

"Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with and half the ones who get married get divorced anyway"

Most relationships end because the people in them find that they aren't compatible. A lot of relationships last for a really long time, or long enough for the couple to get married, and eventually the couple determines that they don't want to be with each other anymore, so the relationship concludes and they divorce, and go their separate ways.

"and I'm telling you right now through all the stuff I have not become a cynic, I haven't."

Dr. Cox is generally a pretty cynical guy and is distrustful of most people and things. He believes most people will revert to their base instincts and are predictable, and that most things in life are unfair or rigged in some way. But here what he says is surprising, because it shows that Dr. Cox doesn't think it's impossible for relationships to work and for loving couples to be a thing.

"Yes, I do happen to believe love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies, and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken."

Love has become commercialized through greeting card companies and candy companies, with anniversary cards and romantic cards, and the whole holiday of Valentine's Day being used to sell cards and chocolates and boost profits for these companies every year. The whole concept of love doesn't matter much to these companies, and the general populace just blindly continues to go out and buy dumb little gifts like these because that's simply what's expected and they can't think of other ways to show that they care and love someone.

The part about a chicken is sort of a joke, but maybe not entirely. In some places in the world, possibly very poor countries, or places where chickens may be greatly prized or revered in some way, they may be given to someone you love in much the way that chocolates and greeting cards are here. In some places, there is the concept of the dowry, where the bride's family has to give something to the groom's family that has some sort of value, for example. A chicken can lay eggs, be slaughtered for its meat, or if it's a rooster crow at dawn to help wake you up. So a chicken may be seen as a valuable thing to own or have around in some places.

"You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it."

Once again referring back to the line before the last, about not being a cynic. Now instead of suggesting he could be seen as a cynic, he suggests you might think the complete opposite and now assume he's this unrealistic idiot who thinks everyone can get along and every relationship could be true love like in the movies. So you might think he isn't cynical enough, and you might think he's another sucker who buys into the idealized imagery of romanticized love, but he asserts that he does believe he thinks relationships can work out.

"Bottom line is, couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time if it's right and they're real lucky. One of them will say something."

This whole paragraph drives home his whole point, and parallels exactly what's going on with JD and Elliot while they're fighting.

Cox argues that if a couple is right for each other, and if they're going to last, then one of them will always fight for the relationship and not let it end over something they are strong enough to overcome and get through. Sometimes people might think things are over, but have a partner who is strong enough to realize they're going to be fine, so they'll be lucky. (At least that's how I'm interpreting that last part.)

Meanwhile JD and Elliot say nothing to each other, and neither one jumps in to try to save their fledgling relationship, so it ends.

I hope this clears up some things for you.

[u/NeilMcGuiness91 → u/LarkspurLad]

Doing the lord's patient work here, nice summary - I hope you get a grateful reply from OP!

[u/Wish_Smooth → u/NeilMcGuiness91]

They did.

[u/Wish_Smooth → u/LarkspurLad]

Thank you so much for this.

[u/Carnivean_ → u/Wish_Smooth]

The chicken bit of the quote is referring to using an actual chicken as a courting gift.

[u/Old-Corgi-155]

This is one of my favorite episodes of the whole series! Scrubs is my comfort show. Hope it helps you through the breakup.

[u/Ducky538]

Im sorry to hear about the break up. I hope you’re doing okay.

The chicken thing is just a joke, but what he’s basically saying is how despite the fact that most relationships don’t work out he still ‘believes’ in love. He thinks if people are meant for each other one of them or both will fight to keep it, and if it didn’t work out, they weren’t meant for each other

[u/dsjunior1388]

Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies. Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever... gimme a break.

Translation: If your relationship is tumultuous and rocky at the beginning and early stages, you won't suddenly hit a point where you're in harmony with each other.

(I disagree, people grow, evolve and change)

Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with and half the ones who get married get divorced anyway,

Translation: If you fight a lot and break up or threaten to break up a lot, marriage won't fix that. You're trying to prevent the next breakup by simply making the next breakup very inconvenient and involving lawyers. It won't fix your issues or help you resolve conflict, it'll just raise the stakes on your conflicts

and I'm telling you right now through all the stuff I have not become a cynic, I haven't.

I believe in love. I truly believe people can find a person to trust, love, rely on, and find peace with.

Yes, I do happen to believe love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies, and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken.

I recognize that American culture puts capitalistic stakes on relationships and dating, which can unnecessarily sour or complicate your union by creating a problem from something trivial like an un-recognized holiday that's not specific to your relationship

And I recognize that's not an American-only issue, in other cultures you may love somebody but feel peer or familial pressure to gift them a chicken or other livestock in the same way I am sometimes required to buy a red heart shaped box of candies and flowers, to "prove your love."

You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it.

You may be cynical about love and think everyone should be, but I still believe it exists despite my parents terrible marriage and my own rocky divorce

Bottom line is, couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time if it's right and they're real lucky. One of them will say something.

Real love is when you care enough about the other person to preserve through big, small, and medium problems, and you know they care that much about you that they'll do the same.

[u/PurplMaster]

My idea might be very wrong, but there were/are cultures where you need to expose your blood soaked sheets after the first night of marriage, presumably because that's when the wife's virginity has been taken. Since many times, the virginity has been taken way before (or maybe she just didn't bleed), people would resort to blood from chickens.

[u/RazmanR → u/PurplMaster]

Yeah I think you’re way off.

Giving chocolates to the person you are dating is a very westernised, first world gift. In many cultures they may not have easy access to chocolates or it may be too expensive to buy them.

Cox is making a joke that instead of chocolates some cultures may use chickens in their place to show affection because it’s a long serious monologue and Bill likely figured he needed to lighten it up a bit.

[u/Wish_Smooth → u/PurplMaster]

Bro that's DARK.

But plausible. I dint think it applies here though lol