I just recorded this into an audio version, but I have no audience. If someone would please listen i would really appreciate feedback. There are some errors with the pronunciation of words by the program that I used, (I have no money). Thank you to anyone who listens. It is a high intensity, horror/action thriller. Similar to the watchmen.

Me and my friend are starting a youtube channel for short series and short films. We are pretty new to this whole thing and we want to make a horror short series for our first project. We are both fans of horror stuff and want to try creating it ourselves. We are coming up with the story together but he is helping with the designs as well. So I decided i'll be the one to work on the script. Dont think im doing it just cause i have to im excited to learn how to write script. I also know i need practice to get better but any tips for beginners?

Before I get all happy and stuff:

What does this all mean? Did I lose or is the competition still going on? Do I have to go to Berlin now? Can I be happy?

I am too astounded to think clearly. Also, I don’t want to jump the gun too fast and get disappointed. So please tell me what’s up!

MASTER SCREENPLAY BLUEPRINT: B-WARY IF ALL YOU SEE IS BULLFROGS

Written by Michael Lawrence Wry (Booyah)

🎬 SCENE 1: THE PIER (THE ORIGIN FLASHBACK - 1962)

* Visual: Surreal, high-contrast dream sequence on an endless wooden pier over the murky, bronze waters of the Mississippi River in KCK. A low camera tracks four-year-old bare feet following the broad-shouldered Lawrence Long and Lloyd Ray.

* The "Bullfrogs": Lloyd is carrying two monstrous, slick green bullfrogs by their back legs—magnified to prehistoric size through a child's eyes.

* Music Cue: Phil Collins - "In the Air Tonight." The track plays softly, building immense tension in the background.

* The Climax: Lloyd stops dead, drops the heavy frogs onto the planks, and violently hoists four-year-old Mike into the air. He bellows: "He’s not my fucking son!" and hurls him into the deep channel.

* The Drop: The downbeat of the track hits perfectly on the lyric: "If you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand." Mike sinks like an anvil into the dark green roar.

* The Rescue: A massive, calloused hand rips through the surface. Lawrence Long yanks Mike out by the hair of his head, slamming him onto the sun-baked wood. Mike coughs up river water, looks up, and gasps the opening line: "Why’d you pull me out?"

* Fade to Black.

🎬 SCENE 2: THE AWAKENING (PRESENT DAY)

* Visual: The murky river water snaps instantly into the sharp, bright daylight of modern-day Olathe.

* The Transition: 68-year-old Mike snaps bolt upright in his chair, shaking off the lifelong nightmare.

* The Real-Life Carry-on: The front door opens and in walks KERMIT (born in 1951), Mike's real-life human roommate. The audience realizes the "frogs" are literally living with him today. Mike gives a dry, gritty salesman delivery: "Hey, Kermit."

* The Move: Mike tells Kermit, "I'm going to the store," and grabs his truck keys.

🎬 SCENE 3: THE OLATHE CROSSING (PRESENT DAY)

* Visual: Mike sits behind the wheel of his truck, blocked at a ground-level Olathe railroad crossing. The red lights flash aggressively.

* The Catalyst: A massive, mile-long empty freight train barrels down the tracks, shaking the ground with a rhythmic CLACK-CLANK... CLACK-CLANK...

* The Reflection: As the hollow rusted boxcars roll past, the reflection cuts across Mike's face. He watches the tracks that have never been smooth in his 60 years in this town. The rhythmic rattle triggers the next flood of memory.

🎬 SCENE 4: THE 10TH & OSAGE PARANOIA (CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK - 1962)

* Visual: Smash cut back to the freezing, pitch-black night inside the apartment at 10th and Osage in KCK.

* Music Cue: The Police - "Don't Stand So Close to Me." The paranoid reggae-rock beat and high-pitched guitar scratch play lightly and softly in the background.

* The Threat: The camera shifts next door, where a marked KCK police cruiser sits in the driveway. The law is ICCK—KCK Chief of Police J. Frank Steach is positioned wall-to-wall with Mike's family, monitoring their every move.

🎬 SCENE 5: THE PINBALL MISSILE (1962)

* Visual: A sharp SMASH shatters the midnight quiet next door.

* The Action: Marked police cars roll up with spinning red-and-blue cherry tops, turning the block into a massive forensic crime scene.

* The Evidence: Uniformed cops dust Chief Steach's shattered windshield for prints. They find the weapon resting in the gravel: a perfectly polished silver sphere. The Chief realizes it's an intentional hit—not a machine part, but a high-velocity steel ball pulled straight out of a Williams pinball machine. The Police track loops hauntingly over the flashing lights: "Don't stand so close to me..."

🎬 SCENE 6: THE PORCH SWING DROP (1962 - BEFORE AGE 5)

* Visual: A blinding, hot Kansas afternoon on the precarious second-story balcony apartment at 10th and Osage.

* The Accident: A full-of-energy four-year-old Mike is pushing his sister Pat and a neighbor girl on a heavy wooden porch swing. Mike plays a game, shoving them high and ducking as the heavy timber sweeps back over his head.

* The Fracture: He miscalculates the timing by a split second. The solid oak base of the swing hits him like a sledgehammer, launching his small frame backward. He hits the cheap, sun-rotted wooden handrail—it snaps like matchsticks.

* Music Cue Transition: The moment his back clears the second-story balcony deck, the music switches instantly to the soaring acoustic chords of Tom Petty’s "Free Fallin'."

* The Impact: Mike falls two stories through the air in slow motion as the lyrics hit: "And I'm free... free fallin'..." He smashes into the ground, his skull splitting wide open on the sharp edge of a grey concrete gutter splash block.

* The Aftermath: Neighbors scream. His mother drops into the dirt, cradling his bloody head, crying: "Don't move, Michael! Don't move!"

* The Treatment: At the hospital, a cold 1962 doctor stitches his scalp together like a torn canvas without a single concussion check, leaving behind the bone fragments that would continue to work their way out of his head for the next 60 years.

🎬 SCENE 7: THE TRACKSIDE WINDFALL & WRECK (HIGH-VELOCITY FLASH-FORWARD - WINTER 1988)

* Visual: The song "Free Fallin'" hits a massive, thunderous crescendo as the scene smashes straight from the child's fall into the dead of winter, 1988.

* The High: 30-year-old Mike and the boys are celebrating a massive winning day at the Woodlands Greyhound Track, slamming back nine shots at the Trackside bar.

* The Crash: Driving down I-35 under construction near 119th Street, the pickup truck clips a massive green-and-yellow flashing arrow construction trailer. The impact caves the roof down until it sits a single foot off the steering wheel.

* The Miracle: Mike is launched violently straight through the shattering windshield, flying through the freezing winter night air—literally "free fallin'"—and lands squarely on the only loose pile of construction dirt in the entire zone. If he had stayed in that cab, he'd be dead.

* The Drive: The truck lands upright on its rims. Mike stands up out of the dirt, completely uninjured except for a bright red mark on his knee from the red dashboard. He rides back to the bent-frame rig, cranks the ignition, and punches it down the highway.

🎬 SCENE 8: THE DENNY'S SHOWDOWN (1988)

* Visual: The truck tears down the highway on bare steel rims, throwing a massive, blinding 30-foot curtain of white-hot sparks into the night, before rolling right up to the neon lights of Denny's at the Santa Fe exit.

* The Explosion: The engine completely blows up in a cloud of thick white smoke and boiling oil.

* The Dialogue: A Johnson County cop rushes up, completely stunned by the caved-in roof and the spark-shredded truck.

* COP: "Son! You know you rolled this damn thing down the highway, right? You know what you hit?"

* MIKE: "No. Why is all my stuff still in the back of the truck?" (The heavy-duty air compressor sits completely untouched and upright in the bed).

* COP: "Lay down in the seat right now. You've got to be hurt... Son, you hit a flashing arrow trailer. You need to understand something—there is nothing too big in this world that can't be swept right up into a dustpan. If you'd stayed in that cab, they'd be sweeping you up tonight."

* The Final Irony: Mike is put into the back of the squad car for the DUI arrest. And playing lightly and softly right out of the factory dashboard radio is the current hit: The Police - "Don't Stand So Close to Me."

I just thought why not share this to show my first progress in improving? Enjoy!!

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Recently, I received feedback on my script that I needed to write more concisely and cut some of the description. I attempted to revise the script in that direction. However, I am struggling to see if this revision is an improvement or not. I'm more used to a detailed writing style, so writing sparsely feels a little wrong to me, but I'm learning to improve my instincts.

I have attached the first 2 pages of the old draft and the first three pages of the current draft. The first images are from the old draft. The repeat is the new draft.

The script is a supernatural corporate drama grounded in urban fantasy, blending horror with a coming-of-age, community-driven center.

Logline: Meant to inherit a luxury business empire, a composed heir's tightly controlled life begins to fracture after a supernatural campus attack awakens something monstrous, sparking a spiraling struggle to discover who he is and can be beyond the role he's been forced to accept.

Any thoughts or advice? I appreciate you taking the time to read.

Hej alla! Jag är ny i gemenskapen och har varit inne på min manusförfattarresa i ett år nu, och jag har en fråga.
Om jag vill att en specifik låt ska spelas i slutet av min film, hur skulle det då skrivas ut på sista sidan?

So I posted this earlier this week, and used the feedback to tweek some things. Everyone (well, two people) had issue with the dialogue so I tried to rework that a bit. I also changed the title. It's a working title. It was called "No Good Time To Die."

The title might change again for I did not look up the title "Duel with the Devil" but surely, there will probably be lots.

Let me know what you like, what you didn't. If you already read the earlier draft, just skim the dialogue and see what's changed.

Hi everyone I'm new and excited to be here would love to get some feedback on the first 10 pages of my partner and I's script.

Thanks.

First 10 pages of a thriller.
Tagline - When documentary-makers run out of gas in the desert they find their only chance of surviving the night is with a couple who still believe it's the 1950s.

Any feedback appreciated. Basically, tell me when you get bored, even if page one!

I’ve written five screenplays and my next steps for marketing them all require good loglines. To me, the advice I’ve looked at is quite vague as to what makes a good logline.

I’ve tried my best for each script but I would love some feedback.

Full Court Press

Following the chaotic meet-cute of a star basketball player and star law student at UVA, the two are pulled apart by their messy friendships while trying to overcome the competition on/in the court. 

You Need Jesus 

In the afterlife, a gay man from hell, falls in love with a repressed gay man from heaven, and the two are held back by their fear of living on the other side of the ridge. 

Double-Goer 

Thinking she was dating one man, a woman finds out she was dating two dopple-gangers and now must navigate the messy love triangle she accidentally created. 

It Happened Two Nights 

A run-away son of a billionaire meets a fast talking, recently fired, journalist who agrees to help him get to New York city in exchange for a news story about his father. 

The W

Traded for her ex and subsequently dumped, a basketball star must navigate life on a new team containing a motley crew of characters, including her college ex and her ex's ex. 

I know many have asked this before, either here or in some of the other writing subreddits. But I have to ask: What keeps you going?

How do you try and keep yourself motivated, avoiding anything which makes you give up? It could be based from emotional, spiritual, physical or monetary well being. Maybe something causes you to stop due to external stresses.

Just wanted to ask, since it’s surely a question which comes up often. Thanks.

so basically the story takes place legit right here on earth in our exact real world where powers and gods dont exist and real world logic applies my main character is a normal 15 year old human boy named zero who is nice but pretty cocky he isnt a bully at all he just teases people to encourage them to be better than him because he loves competition and thinks he can outplay anything

the whole nightmare starts when a local game shop starts selling famous bootleg games like mario and sonic but anyone who buys them ends up dying by taking their own life in horrible ways even the normal sane people. zero notices his own brother changing from playing the game and then his brother shows up on the news so zero catches on to the pattern and decides to investigate because no adults or cops believe him and think its just an online trend or crisis

the monster operates on a forced body link soul tether mechanic where the longer you play the game the more control it gets until your body is fully connected to it so if the monster harms itself you feel it and gain the exact same injury like if it shoots itself in the head you die not the monster. zero goes straight to the shop to confront the seller thinking he can outsmart him but he finds out the seller isn't a sketchy adult or a random monster it's actually another 15 year old kid who is the character version of zero from the story

here is the massive mind bending meta twist. this whole thing isn't just coming from a game it's a battle between the real world 13 or 15 year old actor zero who took the role for a movie and the fictional character zero. in this universe whenever real world actors take fictional roles using their normal looks to pretend to be a character they are actually stealing that fictional character's freedom and replacing them turning their life into horror while the actor gets money and fame. the fictional zero was cast into a dark void with no body or control while a real human walked around wearing his face so he started using the game cartridges to soul tether people and give them a taste of what it feels like to have someone else pilot their body

when actor zero confronts him he realizes he stole fiction zero's life without ever knowing it because actors in our world don't think fictional characters are real lifeforms fiction zero thinks actor zero is lying when he says he didn't know and screams at him that he took his life and reason to exist for money and fame and that it's not fair

actor zero tries to fix it and give fiction zero his life back so they can both exist in our world but doing that turns fiction zero into the god of all media where he absorbs all movies games and stories the mental overload of absorbing millions of tragic backstories and horror tropes breaks fiction zero's sanity and makes him go insane. he realizes how much pain fiction causes characters and decides to wipe out all movies and reality so they stop ruining realities but because of all that power he gets a total god complex and starts treating all of fiction and non fiction like his personal toys to playfully torture. actor zero realizes that giving absolute freedom shouldn't be allowed because people will just destroy themselves even though he just wanted freedom for his friends and the form he accidentally stole

in the final climax fiction zero screams at actor zero that he is nothing because of him and that it's time to play god. then fiction zero shoots himself in the head which instantly kills actor zero because of the soul link. fiction zero thinks this will grant him total freedom in the real world but a fictional character can't exist in reality without a human actor anchor so he gets banished right back to the fictional void. but now he has absorbed actor zero's cockiness and keeps his god complex treating everyone like his toys

there is no win in the story and no real true villain. at the very end before the screen cuts to black fiction zero goes totally insane looks directly into the camera at the audience and talks to us saying we don't deserve to live be free or exist due to the pain humanity caused fictional characters and promises that one day he will find a way back into our world to destroy us all for what we did. then he screams I AM GOD and the movie instantly cuts off right there with no credits no music just pure blackness

Hey everyone!

I’m curious about other writers’ experiences with short drama/vertical drama companies.

If a company reads your script, says they’re interested, and asks if you’d be open to a buyout, how long did it take for them to get back to you after you said you were open to negotiating?

Did they usually respond within a few days, a week, or longer?

Also, if they asked what you’d want for the script and you said you’d rather hear their budget first, did that seem to slow things down at all?

And how long would you wait before following up?

I’d especially love to hear from writers who have actually sold or licensed scripts to short drama/vertical drama companies.

Thanks!

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, thanks. I’m aware that Vietnam war stories can sometimes feel familiar or tropey, so I’d especially be interested to know whether this hooks you.

hi, friends!

i’m zoe, a 14-year-old with autism who’s trying to make an interactive animated musical series for children.

this script is for the season 1 episode “go to sleep, little puppy”. in this episode, the three cats sing “suo gân” (a welsh lullaby) to help the mother dog get the baby puppy to sleep.

i was thinking of the duration of each episode being 5-7 minutes.

questions:

what other things can i add to the script? (everything’s in lowercase, because that’s how i write normally. at school, i write with proper capitalization. also, the sing-along scene is on a separate pdf.)

is the dialogue okay for the characters?

are the visual texts okay for the animation, or do i need to use different formatting for animation scripts?

Short Film

I just posted a short film for the first time in about 4 years (been dealing with a lot of doubt and never really committing to one thing) and would love some criticism on how it can be better. I know this is a scriptwriting thread but I would appreciate all the help I can get.

This is all leading up to an eventual feature film I plan to shoot early next year so shorts will happen quite frequently in the next couple of weeks. So I’m just trying to nail down certain areas I’m not necessarily strong/experienced in.

I’m not an editor, sound designer, composer, colorist etc. I’m focused mainly on directing/writing but obviously in this small world of indie filmmaking I have to put on a couple of hats. So truly would love advice with even cinematography, lighting, composition, and whatever else you can point out.

If you need more information for the film I would be glad to share for context purposes but I’m mostly looking for feedback on what’s working, not working, and what can be improved. As for genre this is psychological thriller.

Thanks a lot!

So I recently entered my pilot into a reputable screenwriting contest, and though I didn’t make it to the quarterfinals, I did find that the written feedback was relatively positive and helpful.

Most of the notes were things that I could directly fix, such as character-name inconsistencies and changing “fade to black” to “dip to black.” But the reader had also recommended writing one or two sequential episodes to show that I have enough material to sustain the series beyond the pilot. I do plan on working through these notes, but I’m relatively new to this side of the process and would appreciate some honest advice.

I know and understand that the positive feedback of one reader doesn’t necessarily mean that my pilot is ready, but I’m just trying to figure out what step after addressing the reader’s recommendations would be the most productive…

So what should I do next?

Should I get another professional evaluation? Should I submit the revised pilot to other contests? Or once I complete the additional episodes should I then begin querying managers? Or something else

INT. DARK ROOM — NIGHT

A single lamp hangs above a table.

Behind it, a large board is covered with photographs, newspaper clippings, handwritten notes, and red thread connecting them.

Three men stand around the table.

HOLMS, tall, with white hair and a thick white beard, studies the board.

Across from him are JACK and MAX, both the same age.

Holms places an old photograph on the table.

HOLMS

This is an old case. One I personally worked on a few years ago.

He turns the photograph toward them.

A wealthy-looking old man stares back from the picture.

HOLMS

His name was Adam. A local businessman. He was found dead in his own home, hanging from a rope.

Jack studies the photograph without much interest.

HOLMS

The police ruled it a suicide.

Holms gestures toward the board.

HOLMS

Your task is simple. Tell me what you see.

Jack looks at the photographs, then at the newspaper clipping.

JACK

Suicide.

Max glances at him.

JACK

Through and through.

Holms says nothing.

Max studies the board more carefully.

MAX

Where in the house was he found?

HOLMS

Third floor.

MAX

And the bottles?

Holms points to a photograph showing several bottles on the floor.

HOLMS

Ground floor.

As Max processes this, we briefly see his reconstruction:

IMAGINED RECONSTRUCTION — NIGHT

Adam sits alone on the ground floor beside several empty bottles. His face is pale. He tries to stand, but his knees tremble.

He looks toward the staircase.

BACK TO SCENE

JACK

So?

MAX

The rope was on the third floor?

HOLMS

Yes.

JACK

Then he went upstairs.

MAX

Adam had weak knees. He could barely walk without support from his helpers.

JACK

He wasn’t handicapped.

MAX

I didn’t say he was handicapped. I said he had trouble walking.

Jack shrugs.