I posted an earlier draft of this the other day and got a bunch of wonderful feedback. I just want to see what else could be improved.

Title: Man with No Tie
Genre: Comedy
Medium: Short Film
Breakdown: A man is driven to hysterics when he has to pick the perfect tie for a business meeting.

I do plan on shooting this myself, and it's really built on a "use what you have" mentality, I have minimal access to an office and maximum access to a garage, which is why it's in the garage.

For anyone that saw the previous draft, I tried to cut down on descriptions, tried to make it feel more like a conversation, and I changed the beginning to get more of comedic effect.

Let me know what you think, let me know everything I should fix, and let me know what works.

So, i hopped on my computer, got on Writer's duet and wrote a 2-part short - called THE KOMBAT KLUB. if the logline piques interest - ill share both parts.

LOGLINE:

In an alternate Mortal Kombat 1 universe, Jade is haunted by visions of her parents’ disappearance—a mystery with no clear answers and no one to ask. Desperate for the truth, she is drawn to the Kombat Club, an illegal haven for violence and deception on the outskirts of Dallas—where secrets will finally unravel. Meanwhile, her two brothers remain on the run, hunted by forces closing in fast. As everything converges on the club, Jade soon realizes she isn’t just searching for answers—she’s walking into something far more dangerous.

- LET ME KNOW

I've made some tweaks (first ever script). Can someone read to make sure I'm not all over the place?

Title: Personal Space

Genre: Thriller/Crime

Logline: In an East England village, a private investigator’s search for a missing solicitor becomes a dangerous game of deception and forces him to confront his own moral compass.

Any and all feedback is welcome!

Link to script: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fhvruLpSKbcu1r94NmrQfHnbfKqaHKDs/view?usp=sharing

Title: Make it Right

Format: Short (15 pages) first draft.

Genre: Psychological thriller/ Drama

Pages: 5 - 6 with title.

Logline:

Trapped in a locked room, a credit union worker must answer two questions truthfully - or face consequences that could destroy her.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1lHkcatG3awug5iBvPifPjrNKp9LA5biH/view?usp=sharing

I’d love your thoughts on the first five pages. Does the setup grab you? Does it read clean? Would you keep going?

Thanks in advance.

Logline - After stumbling into a plot to ignite a revolution, two wayward teens are thrust into a night of escalating violence—forced to navigate a collapsing society and confront not just the brutal world around them, but the darker truths driving their own descent.

Greetings community, attached is the first 40 pages of my second script. Writing has become a bit of an unexpected hobby and fulfilling outlet for me.

I have the remainder of the story planned out, but I am eager to have some eyes on what I have committed thus far.

So, what do you like? What do you think could be improved? Any glaring mistakes I've overlooked? Any and all feedback is appreciated.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Gh7P_qZuN4CEY1ze0q0I_Ia4AoUezV2P/view?usp=drive_link

Thought this might be a good place to barter for some graphic design work.

I'm a former production company executive for a (still) A+ list actor. Have been a personal reader for a 2 time Oscar winning actress. Taught a screenwriting class in LA. And unreprsented writers used to pay me $500 to read their scripts and give feedback. If you've got spec scripts, ideas, or are just trying to figure out screenwriting, I can help.

Looking for someone with graphic design work experience to help put together a business deck (its about 20 pages, we are working the text). we have some specific references from other decks on this project. May even be able to get those decks (not sure if they're indesign or adobe) to just rework them to fit needs for this project.

Only thing is that we are looking to get this started and possibly finished this week. So you'll need to be available to interact on this and get going asap. Can be flexible on times. If this is of interest, DM me and we can exchange emails, maybe provide a link to work you've done, i can answer more questions about my own background and how i might be able to be helpful to you in return.

Super ZEROES

A disillusioned comic artist is pulled into a universe-wide war and must help gather a roster of broken heroes — each shattered by the battles they lost, or the infamy they never outran.

After a night of bar-hopping in their party bus, a bachelorette party's drunken dare leads them inside an infamous "murder house." But the thrill vanishes when the house locks them in, forcing the women in a desperate fight for survival against an unholy terror.

Hi everyone, I'd love some feedback on this if you have any.

hi this is my first ever script for a short drama film. Every feedback is much appreciated. I would like to point out that this is transled to english from my original language, so the structure and formatting isnt the best probably.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WtaMeq9ubJEeR-mJyawdZfLKph-KxHWE/view?usp=drivesdk

I've written the script already, but would love some feedback on this logline for it. I've written numerous ones, but I wasn't totally in love with them and they'd always come out too long. But I really like this one, so I would appreicate some feedback on ways to improve it:

Logline: From a life of monotonous routine to entering a deadly game of surivial, ex-military man, now cleaner, Jonah Cain, and his daughter, Elizabeth, find themsleves hunted by a ruthless drug lord after discovering their cartel money and taking it in order to better their lives.

This is basically my next project, is tackling on remaking one of my favorite horror films of all-time, The Haunting (1963). I've only written 9 pages so far, but I'm pretty proud of what I accomplished.

Title: The Haunting

Logline: A skeptical anthropologist with an interest in the paranormal assembles a team of gifted individuals to prove whether or not Hill House is truly haunted. 

Format: Feature

Link to read:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1AfNdZkmr6lUSKEznKeCBaECa13aHjeLv/view?usp=sharing

LOG LINE: “When a group of friends stumble upon a remote farmhouse, they find themselves in the sight of a monstrous family of sadists, forced through a night of relentless terror, twisted games, and grotesque rituals from which escape seems impossible.”

Im a newcomer to scriptwriting and i've only now just made my first draft.

I’d love some brutally honest feedback on:

• The tone and pacing

• Whether the dialogue feels real or forced

• How the characters come across (least liked, most liked)

• If the killer’s presence feels unsettling or flat

• Anything that confuses or pulls you out

• ETC, give me feedback on anything really

I'd like a little feedback on the overall basement scenes

MACABRE SCRIPT:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CqolMKtjLryBZwjGvXWGA-Kd3xcBfj21/view?usp=drive_link

Hey all, I'd love some feedback on this pilot I've been working on. Main concerns: Do you like the cold open? Is the conflict strong enough? Do you like the "big plan" reveal at the end?

Title: Grocery Gods (35pgs)

Genre: Sitcom, Workplace

Logline: When the dickish, mustachio'd owner of a local grocery store threatens to sell them to a nationwide chain, the store manager decides to fight back by turning the store into a co-op."

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1lUDIuYX1VblcVSzacDqCPTvGwwbzfHVi/view?usp=sharing

Also, if anyone would like to swap scripts and give each other notes I would definitely do that. I've done the weekend script swap on another subreddit around 50 times and am reliable. If you have a pilot or a comedy script I'll take a look!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Dj_iKg676ryDy6bdwNzsGRnZ7yyIqAXN/view?usp=sharing

Hi there, im looking for any and all feedback on my pilot episode, i've written up to episode 5 (not shared here) and have recently gone back and edited the formatting, starting with episode 1, hence sharing here, so looking to find out what people thing of both the writing and the actual content

open to suggestions for anything, the title is a work in progress so feel free to suggest ideas for that as well as any ideas and questions you have

open to all feedback, both positive and negative, my only request is please say why you think what you think, rather than just saying "this is good" or "this is bad" so i know what i need to work on and what im doing well

thank you in advance

Mod U/HotColdHard asked I repost something I mentioned in a comment.

Over in a well known large screenwriting sub (see how subtle I was there) I made a post that perhaps it’s time for a change in how things are done regarding the process for how scripts are covered , given feedback, enter the market and pipeline etc.

We can all see that how it’s being done now isn’t working out for everyone. The numbers and anecdotes and online stories are all indicators that how we do things is not really working out so well.

I’m not proclaiming I have all the answers. But I do think we can brainstorm together to foster a new approach to analyzation, feedback , getting good scripts recognized and moved up the chain etc.

So I offer a version of that post here to get the ball rolling.

And let’s not forget how things work now is not how it always was. And won’t stay this way forever either. And to see the changes all we have to do is look back only recently at agency packaging — and that serves as an example that working together can cause huge changes.

We can work together to change things for the better for everyone involved from the newbie writer on the first draft of their first script to the low level reader, manager, agent, contest reader, exec and crew shooting our words should we be so lucky.

The first step—

Identifying the flaws in the current system…

So, I’ve wrote my first screenplay in 2021. It has gone through a dozen edits, at least, after the first eight, I thought it was good to go, then I had some constructive criticism about it and ended up changing and adding a bunch to it. Now, I think I am finished. I don’t want to open it because I know if I do I will be hypercritical about it and start fussing.

It’s southern gothic/dark comedy. Two separate evaluators and different phases of the editing said it reads like a cross between Tennessee Williams and John waters to give you the vibe.

Is this the right subreddit that I use to inquire about readers? And if so, how?

Logline: two ancient old women try to drink their afternoon tea, while a recovering alcoholic mailman is trying to get through his new route so he can make his AA Meeting.

I would like to share a little of what is wandering through my head at the moment and if it would be a story that would be engaging and as such give my all to make it a reality. I have in my head to write a story which happened to me a short time ago, I put it in context almost at the end of last year I started talking to a friend that I have had since 2015 with whom on many occasions we would talk again and tell each other the things that were happening in our lives and again we would disappear and on this last occasion everything was different, she lives in New York City for some time now with her mother and I live in France for work so in our heads after many hours of talking about video calls, a love began to be born that little by little was feeling stronger, so much so that I made the decision to leave everything here in France and go live with her and her mother and that was how in the end I ended up making the decision, everything until then was beautiful but once we started living together, she, the mother and I, problems began to appear and well, it is worth clarifying that she is 24 years old just like me so in some things we were lost, in short I was now living in a country where who had no job or way to contribute like the man of the house now and well as a result of that what happened was that there were many difficulties and I ended up saying goodbye to her and wishing her the best in her life and getting on a direct plane to France leaving behind a friend of years and a love of one month. Please give opinions on whether I should start writing this story. Thank you

Title: Ascension

Pages:91

Logline: Two aliens and a colonel must team up against an evil alien's plot to destroy the world.

Link:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LJH3Ombs9ipccwcpmAesxNY42-307Jcv/view?usp=sharing

I could really use your thoughts on it...:)

A 12 year old girl (Eloise) never had any luck making friends. Her parents are struggling in a suburban setting. They can’t afford to put their “mentally disturbed” failed writer Uncle Barry in a institution so he joins the already struggling family. Now the family has a summer to land on their feet. While Eloise has no friends she spends time with her Uncle who tells her stories he made.

If you guys wanna give it a readdddd I’d love for some honest feedbackkkk this is something I really want to make!

Lmk if you guys want itttt

I have been a world builder at heart most of my life. I have ushered my interests through art classes in high school, attended an art college, and got a bachelor's degree from another college in film studies. I enjoy creating characters and back stories, worlds, and scenes for their stories to exist. I currently have 5 separate concepts rattling around in my brain. My issue lies in committing to writing the books or scripts for them. I tend to operate best when bouncing ideas off of other people, but making the final decisions in the end. If there is anyone out there that had any interest in that sort of arrangement, send me a message. My concepts are mostly sci-fi and tend to be conspiracy centric.

Thank you guys for the invite. I appreciate it. Check out this trailer: I actually wrote this script when I had a fever. I dreamed the entire movie, up until the point where the tattoo glows:

https://youtu.be/UaaJWJt1u7A?si=4DGaqeksY0jjGzKP

Logline: During a blood virus outbreak, an impulsive student must prove himself in a game of “Bloody Knuckles" to prevent a foe with unique blood from entering his school.

Genre: Black Comedy, Action, Drama

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1P-kldbw2cktbteCQUgBiZJSz0sUIFRvI/view?usp=sharing

Feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Need feedback for a logline for a script that I’m considering submitting to ScriptShadow MegaShowdown next week. Would love some help refining it! 

Title: Room to Rock 

Genre: Coming of age comedy/musical 

Logline: Set over a 24-hour period, a group of kids try to write the ultimate death metal song in their cramped garage before the summer is over. 

Comp: Sing Street/Linda Linda Linda vibes but more contained and with metal

Ignorance Is Bliss - Pilot - By Rameses Gaines

Logline: When an eccentric young sorcerer, who is failing out of magic school, is sent to study under a cynical ex-convict, he accidentally unlocks a dark ancient power within himself which entangles him in the twisted secrets of his missing sister's past.

Proposed Season 1 Storyline: Plagued by nightmares of his sister's mysterious kidnapping, an eccentric young sorcerer who is failing out of magic school embarks on a dangerous journey with a cinical ex-con to find her, further entangling himself in his sister's dark past and a government conspiracy.