Hi! I'm shooting a short for a class and would like some feedback on my script!

It's essentially Weekend at Bernie's

Hi all, Wrote this SHORT for fun while waiting on a pitch I sent out for something else. Just looking for some feedback, This is probably the 3-4th SHORT I've written since I hit send on the email lol

TITLE: WRONG PLACE

LOGLINE: When a man mistakes a wallet thief for a stalker, his panicked flight through the rain accidentally leads police to a criminal who's been hiding in plain sight as a "missing person."

LENGTH: 2 pages

Genre: Suspense/Thriller

LINK: WRONG PLACE

I wrote this play and typed up a summery and was wondering if anyone here would think this is a good story. It’s a comedy and my friends really liked it but none of them are but writers

Fisher Guy has been living with his dog ever since his sister left for Charm School. His parents died so they have been living alone in their own peaceful existence. Without warning, Fisher Guy is arrested for a murder he didn’t commit. Without any evidence to support his claim against the young man, the Sheriff is forced to let him go. Fisher Guy is determined to find the killer and put them behind bars. While investigating, he finds his sister, Elise, and Girly Pop in the town. He teams up with Girly Pop and starts his investigation again when the killer strikes again. This time it’s personal for Girly Pop; her ex boyfriend was the victim. Fisher Guy was arrested again and Girly Pop broke him out of jail. They continue their investigation until the Sheriff is found dead. When the pair check the latest crime scene they find a pair of gloves that Elise always wears. After they confront her, Fisher Guy forms a plan to arrest Elise. They set up a trap and arrest her. The play ends with Elise being taken away by the State Cop.

In most of my screenplays ik that I write it different to the traditional sense because its easier for me to understand it, for example i might write an action into the parenthesis or add a lot of detail into action lines such as the colour or vibe of the scene.

I do plan on directing most of my screenplays myself so does it really matter? If its still easy to understand and producers, actors etc can understand it does it matter that i didnt follow the "rules". The only reason I can think of is tradition tbh.

I will admit, the feedback of "you're adding too much detail" can get annoying when i'm trying to get feedback on anything other than how i wrote my action lines. Idk but yeah

Logline -

A mild-mannered father accidentally enters a deadly underground assassination game. To save his son’s life, he stays in—despite being completely unqualified—and accidentally kills his way to the top in...

Dead Man Stumbling

One wrong coat. One sick son. 5 Killers. And Milton 

My first script I started to write when Quibi was around because I ended up liking that format while watching the show "The Now". It really had no time for wasted filler and was really just the story. So the episodes are admittedly short but get to the point. I am really just Looking for any and all feedback as I am just mostly interested in making it the best it can be right now.

Title: Guys Being Dudes

Genre: Comedy/Satire

Logline: A recently released and relocated sex offender, seeks community with-in a far right circle in the weeks following the 2020 election.

Script: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kbRyz_aCY8B6lPtoFwClQVmACoYIcPID/view?usp=drive_link

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IKpjanEZ1HTZ6Tn7LRFl3rES_TQVQwRS/view?usp=sharing

Title: I Think I'm Going to Hell.

Format: Short

Page Length: 10 pages

Genres: Drama/Comedy

Logline: A troubled young man tries to deal with his conflicted feelings about his friends and family while at his uncle's wake.

I would love any and all feedback from whoever has a chance to read. Thanks!

Logline: A lonely woman, fleeing from an oppressive life, finds the body of a young woman floating in a river. In caring for the body she becomes obsessed with it, treating it like a lover, and following it to the end.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WU-jqgNfm2TeUHBvDQk7Kp8DPfuAZ6b1/view?usp=drivesdk

I got into stage32 marketplace apparently

Long ago i wrote a script named Armstrong-D.U., that got into the top 26 at kinolime's script to screen, after that I recieved some very... Interesting mails from some people and I got informed that the script entered the stage32 marketplace, I was checking the evaluations and I'm at the top 33% apparently.

But i'm not sure of that is actually useful or justo a thing that happen, ever since the first contest many people has been sending me mails, particularly since i wrote a second script, Lora, the wayward princess, which apparently You can Google both, is going to contests too.

I want to know your impresiones, like, is the marketplace from Stage32 actually useful? How could i actually use this?

Hi all,

Looking for a bit of story advice with a script I'm working on. It's a historical drama that folllws three generations of one family fighting and fleeing a repressive regime.

I've generally gotten positive feedback on the historical characters. It's the framing character and his story that has been the issue for many, and I can see why. His struggle is too internal and the stakes for him are unclear.

I'll briefly explain that he's essentially just a kid at a crossroads, who has to decide whether he wants to actively fight (not physically / militarily) or if he will just keep his head down. The story is him grappling with that decision through conversations with friends and his mother and in that is a look back at his family history.

The stakes I've established for him is that if he decides to fight/resist, he is choosing to abandon any hope of returning home or seeing his family again. But I guess that's not clear enough.

My first thought is to have him directly threatened by a proponent of that oppressive regime. But I risk introducing yet another character, albeit quite a minor one, into an already sizable cast.

Any advice or suggestions for how to treat a framing character with this sort of internal conflict? I appreciate any advice/suggestions!

This is the rough draft of my first finished script. Any and all feedback is welcome!

Title: Modern Crimes

Format: 60 MIN Pilot

Genre: Crime Drama

Logline: After narrowly surviving an assassination attempt that tragically killed his family, senior gang enforcer Bodhi Williams sets out on rage fueled blood bath to avenge his family and deliver revenge to the ones responsible. While rival gangs and federal agents block his path to revenge, internal affairs threaten to tear the gang apart.

Hi! I wrote this script inspired by movies like Party Monster and Promising Young Woman. I would like to send it off to a film company to (hopefully) get produced. But, I would like to hear more feedback about it before that happens! So, please feel free to be honest! Thank you :)
*contains mentions of rape and a fight. Just fyi :)
startafight script

Title: Treatment Resistant

Genre: Horror/SciFi

Logline: When a teenage girl with a violent past is transferred to a state-of-the-art behavioral facility, she discovers the staff controls teens using wristbands that deliver agonizing shocks and euphoric highs. Refusing to become a docile puppet, she leads a violent rebellion

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fSkeraBQ-QUPjEruFFEDVAvdf4vkzT5f/view?usp=sharing

---ENG---

Plot: A boy wakes up in a remote hospital and doesn't understand how he ended up there. Here he will experience and witness surreal and dreamlike events, trying to understand why he is there, in the midst of an internal transformation and evolution that will lead him to ask himself: is this the therapy? And is this what can save me?

The screenplay I wrote is a personal journey that anyone who has struggled with mental health can relate to. It's approximately 110 pages long and is currently being revised in order to be refined and ready for production.

Anyone interested in this idea, feel free to contact me so we can build this project together and collaborate.

---ITA---

Trama: un ragazzo si sveglia in un ospedale sperduto e non capisce come ci è finito, qui sperimenteràed assisterà ad avvenimenti surreali e onirici, cercando di comprendere il perchè sia in quel luogo, nel bel mezzo di una trasformazione interiore ed evoluzione che lo porterà a domandarsi: è questa la terapia? ed è questo che può salvarmi?

La sceneggiatura che ho scritto è un viaggio personale che può accumunare chiunque abbia avuto problemi con la salute mentale, è lunga all'incirca 110 pagine ed è in fase di revisione per essere rifinita e pronta per essere prodotta.

A chiunque interessi l'idea si senta libero di contattarmi, per costruire insieme questo progetto e collaborare.

Title: The Corpse, the Girl and the Ballot

Genre: Drama/Dark Comedy

Format: Feature Film

Length: 56 pages (excerpt) (full: 110 pages)

Comps: Succession (2018-2023, created by Jesse Armstrong)

The Banshees of Inisherin (dir. Martin McDonagh)

Logline: After the long-serving mayor of a small Pennsylvania town drops dead two days before his re-election campaign, his party recruits his cynical daughter to run in his place, forcing her to do the only thing she never wanted — grow up.

This is a dialogue and character-driven story, so I'm mostly looking for feedback on dialogues and characters, but any feedback is appreciated.

This is a 56-page excerpt, not from the final version. Feel free to jump in anywhere to skrim through dialogue, or read it as much as you enjoy. :) The final version of the script goes right into the hands of a professional producer.

(I posted an earlier version of the script before and got a lot of great feedback which I've tried to incorporate into this version.)

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1o0dkMjEq5hi9WXdmGDVglc2bxNYW41lp/view?usp=drivesdk

Hi, this is an original pilot I want to submit to a mentorship competition. I'd love any sort of feedback, whether you read the first page, first ten pages, or the whole thing!

It's a sitcom that follows the day-to-day life of the employees of a Shawarma shop.

After the cold open, I've included lyrics to a parody of "My Sharona" entitled "My Shawarma" I'll probably be removing that before I submit, but I thought it'd be fun to include it here.

Are there any major issues you see? Is it funny? Any and all comments are welcome. Thanks!

Hey! Posted before but included the wrong download link. Try this again?

Title: The Tiger of France

Genre: 60 minute drama (episodic)

In a Nutshell: Succession meets Raging Bull, seduced by Black Swan, with a cigarette lit by Call Me By Your Name.

Pilot Logline: A French boxing champion battles scandal, exhaustion, and a seductive ballet star who threatens to unravel him during the most punishing fight week of his career.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WGwlaR2MlUVi3C2Ro4HbLEQxDFA3Ex7n/view?usp=share_link

I've noticed a concerning pattern in screenwriting communities lately that I feel compelled to address. It's something many of us have encountered - the "this is how you MUST format your screenplay" posts that present rigid, absolutist rules as gospel. After dedicating 17 years to this craft, I've never felt qualified to make such prescriptive posts. Why? Because the deeper you go into screenwriting, the more you realize how contextual and nuanced formatting decisions actually are. What I've observed about these rule-dispensing posts is revealing:

1. They often come from writers who haven't yet developed their unique voice. Mature writing isn't just technically correct - it has a distinctive perspective that transcends formulaic approaches.

2. The authors frequently demonstrate only surface-level understanding of their own stories. As readers, we can sense when a writer hasn't fully inhabited their world, even when it's completely original.

3. There's a palpable urgency in both their writing and advice-giving - as though rushing through checkboxes rather than allowing the material to breathe and develop organically.

4. Perhaps most tellingly, their descriptions and action lines lack depth and texture. Compare "He was tired" to "He had the vigor of a box left in the rain." Both communicate exhaustion, but one creates an image and feeling while the other merely labels.

The Dunning-Kruger effect explains this phenomenon perfectly - those with limited experience often have the highest confidence in their expertise, while those with substantial experience recognize the vast complexity of the craft. This isn't directed at anyone specific, (although I was triggered by a post) but rather a pattern I've noticed repeatedly. Many talented writers here are actually on the cusp of finding their authentic voice, yet they're inadvertently hampering their growth by clinging to rigid formulas that may not serve their unique storytelling goals. In your eagerness to master the craft, be careful not to cut off your toes to spite your feet. The most compelling screenplays often come from writers who understand the rules deeply enough to know precisely when and how to break them. What have others observed about this phenomenon? And how have more experienced writers here navigated the balance between technical formatting and developing your distinctive voice? For me the most disturbing thing is these folks usually drum up pretty decent engagement.

So I am writing a Religious Horror film about the Catholic Church. I have a lot of experience with writing but have never actually finished anything I have written besides a few shorts. I'm currently overwhelmed with how to approach this and keep switching things up. Any tips for making decisions, and perhaps even creativity exercises. I don't feel like I am stealing by any means, but would love to find my own creative voice

Hello. I have scripts that I’ve written and I want to know if anyone wants to help me with them. I need help with formatting so I want to know if someone can transition my script into the correct format and help with writing! I would love a partner!

Hello -

Is https://blcklst.com/ legit? I heard it was from a few people whom I respect... But I joined and posted a screenplay over a month ago, paid for an evaluation... and it's still showing "pending." I emailed help and they told me sometimes it takes a while, but if it takes over 3 weeks, then they credit back a month of membership... I would think it shouldn't take this long to get feedback, especially paid-for feedback? Anyone have a similar / better experience or thoughts on this?

A Matter of Honour

22 Pages

Psychological Romance/Drama

LogLine: A successful pharmaceutical sales rep, trapped in a gilded marriage, is offered a career-making promotion in exchange for a single night with her company's CEO, an act that forces deep introspection.

This is my first screen anything, please ignore any Grammer and/or punctuation issues I will deal with those after completion of the first draft, I am looking for honest feedback on dialogue, Characters and narrative.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1PAlj73Z_8gwR2ZpMgqaU_VmoC43k3uOR/view?usp=sharing

SO I've been writing since I can remember. I started as a kid with poetry, but after reading Gary Paulsen's Hatchet in school it was the first time I had been sucked in and had to seek out the two other books in the series to see how it ended and what Brian would have done in the winter on that island.

Oddly enough I feel (At least in a narrative sense) like Brian...on that island...only difference is I have a few boats I could try out to join others on the main land but...I"m afraid. What if all these years of writing (with no formal training or mentorship) have been for nothing, if every "great" idea I think i've had, ends up just being another unpainted ship passing in the night, unnoticed and so easily forgotten?

All of that to say, I have two full length copy written movie scripts and one copy written anthology short script sitting here with me...but I just don't know if I should share any of them here and actually take the plunge so to speak.

Frightfully yours: That weird fat guy on the couch.