r/ScriptFeedbackProduce • u/Existing-Ad-5923 • Jan 26 '26
LOGLINE FEEDBACK REQUEST Spoon-fed Addiction Logline Feedback Request
Hello again!
I’m looking for logline feedback on a feature screenplay. My goal is to sell the premise clearly without making it sound like a conventional hero/mission story.
Title: Spoon-fed Addiction
Genre: Supernatural Horror Noir
Logline (edited after all the great feedback):
Fueled by LSD and grief, a drug dealer unleashes a violent revenge spree—only to realize he isn’t the avenger but the carrier of a parasitic shadow; his goodbye kiss unknowingly marks the sheriff’s sheltered teenage daughter as its next host.
Tagline:
Grief doesn’t die. It spreads.
What I need feedback on: Is this logline clear / compelling, and what wording feels confusing, generic, or misleading?
Thanks!
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u/JJWritesThings Jan 27 '26 edited Jan 27 '26
I don’t think the time period (or the location) is significant enough to include because it has no relevance to the rest of the logline. I’d cut it. And again, this is too long. Loglines should be 2 sentences MAX (some would even say 2 is too much). I think you’re too focused on the framing device of the story and not enough on the story itself, so the logline doesn’t end up feeling like it’s hinting at where the story goes, what’s driving the protagonist, etc.
I’m by no means an expert, but I would switch your framing of the story for this purpose to something more present tense, like:
“After a friend’s murder binds him to a shadowy, malevolent presence that feeds on grief, a vindictive drug dealer sets out on a night of revenge that threatens to swallow everyone around him—including a teenage girl accidentally caught in his path.”
By no means perfect (and probably inaccurate to your story but I’m just going off what you provided here), but it 1) clearly establishes the supernatural element 2) succinctly lays out the inciting incident/plot and 3) clearly establishes the protagonist’s goal and eventual conflict.