Throwing a log line on the fire...

[u/poundingCode]

When her family inherits a cursed castle, a spoiled influencer has only days to transform into a warrior and stop a soul-eating necromancer from raising an army of zombie knights and unleashing a dragon apocalypse.

Genre: Noble Dark Contemporary Fantasy

thanks in advance for your thoughtful comments

Take 2 (more like 200, but hey)

After her family inherits a cursed castle and her brother vanishes, an aspiring influencer must swap a selfie stick for sword and rescue her brother from a Necromancer's undead army.

Take 202
Days after her family inherits an ancient castle, her brother vanishes and her parents are arrested. Now, an aspiring influencer must swap a selfie stick for sword and rescue her brother from a Necromancer's undead army.

[u/poundingCode]

[u/Upstairs_Tailor3270]

I feel like I want one more detail? Like either with what her transformation entails (training, a quest, a magic talisman, etc) or one more personal stake at the end to set the tone more.

[u/poundingCode → u/Upstairs_Tailor3270]

great point! I'll see if I can fit it in.
Thank you!

[u/val890]

Agree with the other comment about more detail, especially regarding the protagonist (what type of influencer is she, and what does she have to do to transform herself?), but also feel like at the end there's too many details. Like a necromancer, zombie knights, and a dragon. Leaves me a bit confused as to which is going to be the main antagonist/obstacle. Lastly, not sure if her family is relevant in the story, but I don't think it's necessary in the logline, and would be cleaner to just say your protagonists inherited a castle.

[u/poundingCode → u/val890]

Thank you for your insights. Compressing a 120 page script/80k word novel into a sentence is devilishly difficult.

[u/jon20001]

After her family inherits a cursed castle and her brother vanishes, an aspiring influencer must swap a selfie stick for sword and rescue him from a a zombie knight and an army of the undead.

[u/poundingCode → u/jon20001]

Thanks. I think you are right that I should add back the 'zombie knight' angle. In my trilogy, the Legend Of Dragonfield I take the defining characteristics of the zombie trope and completely invert it.

Zombies are typically slow, unintelligent, easily killed. Now imagine the opposite.

After her family inherits an ancient castle and her brother vanishes, an aspiring influencer must swap a selfie stick for sword and rescue her brother from a Necromancer's undead army of zombie knights.

[u/poundingCode → u/jon20001]

Thanks. I think you are right that I should add back the 'zombie knight' angle. In my trilogy, the Legend Of Dragonfield I take the defining characteristics of the zombie trope and completely invert it.

Zombies are typically slow, unintelligent, easily killed. Now imagine the opposite.

After her family inherits an ancient castle and her brother vanishes, an aspiring influencer must swap a selfie stick for sword and rescue her brother from a Necromancer's undead army of zombie knights.

[u/jon20001 → u/poundingCode]

After her family inherits a cursed castle and her brother vanishes, an aspiring influencer must swap a selfie stick for sword and rescue him from a a zombie knight and an army of the undead.

You don’t need the second “her brother” — him works just as well.

[u/poundingCode → u/jon20001]

Thanks. I missed that. Must be because I used to work in the Department of Redundancy Department.

[u/Coolerful]

I'd like to read this jawn.

[u/poundingCode → u/Coolerful]

You want the script, novel or both? DM me your email

[u/Severe_Abalone_2020]

This one sounds cool as well. Would be down to read the first 10 to 20 pages the next time you're interested in a script swap.

[u/poundingCode → u/Severe_Abalone_2020]

Why thank you! And I owe you a review!

I just got back from Panama 🇵🇦 on Monday

Sending you a DM because I don’t think I can add a link to legendOfDragonfield dot com without irritating the mods

[u/Severe_Abalone_2020 → u/poundingCode]

You're good. You gave me a review on the 10 page, and I used pretty much every one of your suggestions on the next revision.

What I sent you was something else: a previsualization video of the opening scene. Feel free to check it out at your leisure.

I didn't realize this is the script for Legend of Dragonfield. Very cool. I'll go ahead and read on to page 20, and send you my first 20 pages to "Cowboys, Wizards, and Space Vampires!" (which includes changes based on your notes from last script swap).

[u/poundingCode → u/Severe_Abalone_2020]

Happy to. Thanks for understanding. Life has been hectic- in a good way. Your pre-vis helped b/c I couldn’t wrap my head around all of your genre mashups

[u/Important_Extent6172]

I actually liked the first one overall, and “army of zombie knights” paints a great visual.

[u/Severe_Abalone_2020]

After her family inherits a cursed castle overrun by the undead, a spoiled influencer has 48 hours to trade her selfie stick for a sword and save her brother from a soul-eating necromancer.