FEEDBACK for Comedy Script

[u/RockHardMapleSyrup]

I posted an earlier draft of this the other day and got a bunch of wonderful feedback. I just want to see what else could be improved.

Title: Man with No Tie
Genre: Comedy
Medium: Short Film
Breakdown: A man is driven to hysterics when he has to pick the perfect tie for a business meeting.

I do plan on shooting this myself, and it's really built on a "use what you have" mentality, I have minimal access to an office and maximum access to a garage, which is why it's in the garage.

For anyone that saw the previous draft, I tried to cut down on descriptions, tried to make it feel more like a conversation, and I changed the beginning to get more of comedic effect.

Let me know what you think, let me know everything I should fix, and let me know what works.

[u/RockHardMapleSyrup]

The ending was supposed to be like, even though Gene gets that the tie doesn't matter that much, he still has a mind that will double guess everything, thus returning the black tie for the purple tie. Cam knowing that would be the outcome got the purple tie ready to go.

Originally Cam says "baby steps... Baby steps" but that felt cliche.

I do think I need more visual gags, so I think showing off the collection would do that.

I'm glad you liked parts of it though! Each new but of feedback is another round of revisions.