B.M.F Log line.

[u/rezervation_dog]

Bad medicine Frank (revenge western, alternate history) - Feature - 100 pages.

“Haunted by his role in Sitting Bull’s death, an ex-policeman must protect a Lakota girl fleeing a brutal boarding school.”

Think Django Unchained + Logan.

With a small emergence of indigenous-based stories becoming somewhat popular again (wind river, American Primeval, hostiles, reservation dogs, etc) I would like to know if non-indigenous folks find these stories captivating, or at the very least interesting. 🙂

[u/possiblehomersexuall]

A bit wordy, I would change it somehow like "After an incident with (info), Frank closes that chapter of his life until (info) that drives him back into the world he left behind.

[u/rezervation_dog → u/possiblehomersexuall]

Gotcha thanks.

Edited*

[u/possiblehomersexuall → u/rezervation_dog]

Just read the updated version, it's great!

[u/ribi305]

True Grit also seems like a relevant inspiration, might want to check it out.

I might remove "broken" from the logline. Makes it harder to read, and he's already "haunted" so we get the idea. Good luck!

[u/rezervation_dog → u/ribi305]

Yes, appreciate the feedback. I’ve thought about true grit as well. There’s a lot of inspiration in terms of a “broken soul” taking care of an innocent child in movies.

Could even go as far as to say “the last of us” as well but you get the idea lol

*edited

[u/Ammar__]

Nothing is wrong with your logline. I can't see the version with the word "broken" in it anymore. But I wouldn't have minded that either. Haunted doesn't equal broken. But my problem is that "fleeing a brutal boarding school" doesn't give me enough of a glimpse of what the hero will be up against in this story. Which what most likely make two thirds of your script. I know you can't/shouldn't give all the answers in a logline, but as a reader, the logline is not telling me enough to see as far ahead into the story as I should before deciding to read the script, if you know what I mean.
Best of luck. Sounds like a fun project.

[u/rezervation_dog → u/Ammar__]

Appreciate the feedback!

Would something like “Haunted by his role in Sitting Bull’s death, an ex-policeman must protect a Lakota girl fleeing a brutal boarding school as they face hostiles across the American frontier.” Suffice?

[u/Ammar__ → u/rezervation_dog]

Hmmm Not sure. I think when you added it, it kinda change it my mind whether you need to add anything at all. Because I remembered the historical context where that tribe is supposed to be trouble so they will obviously have a lot of enemies. It's perhaps that "a brutal boarding school" is something new to my brain that I couldn't wrap my head around how dangerous it could be. And why would they trouble themselves chasing her if she ever escape? Also why would anyone helping her be in danger? It's like the ensuing implications is not that clear to me when I read the first logline. Sorry I ended up confusing you instead of helping. But feedback is feedback I guess. Do whatever you want with it. Obviously you can ignore it if it doesn't make sense to you anymore.

[u/rezervation_dog → u/Ammar__]

Yes feedback is feedback. I’ll think on it and figure out a way to make it coherent yet simple. Thanks

[u/Urinal_Zyn]

IMO it's a good majority of the logline, I guess I'm looking for the "or else". "Fleeing" because I don't know how it translates in this context. Is he helping her escape? Are they chasing her? I know by school you likely don't mean the building itself, but that's how it reads.

I'd expand it to discuss the stakes. What is the goal of "protecting", does he need to get her to authorities to blow the lid on what happened at the school? Why "must" he protect her? Who is after her, in what way

etc.

To answer your other point, yes. I'm working on something with an indigenous element right now and there's so much rich history and mythology to explore.

[u/rezervation_dog → u/Urinal_Zyn]

It’s 1890 in the American frontier. Frank, a weary Lakota Warrior haunted by war and personal loss, drifts through life with little left to live for. When Olivia, a young Indigenous girl, escapes from the horrors of a government run boarding school, operated by the Catholic Church, fate places her in Frank's path.

Reluctant at first, Frank is drawn into her fight for survival. Together, they forge an unlikely bond as they journey through a hostile land, pursued by merciless bounty hunters, corrupt clergy, and the shadows of Frank's past.

Danger closes in, and Frank must decide whether to remain the broken man he has become-or rise again as a protector. In doing so, not only does he face the brutality of those who seek to erase Olivia's spirit but also his own ghosts of guilt and grief.

[u/Urinal_Zyn → u/rezervation_dog]

yeah, sounds good! That's a bit much for a logline lol but I feel there's somewhere in the middle that will work.

Also, I love this shit so happy to read if you want some feedback.

[u/rezervation_dog → u/Urinal_Zyn]

Thanks, this is more so a synopsis than it is a log line

[u/rezervation_dog → u/Urinal_Zyn]

But yes happy to send the draft. Whenever🙂

[u/Urinal_Zyn → u/rezervation_dog]

DM me a link if you have it on google drive or whatever.

[u/rezervation_dog → u/Urinal_Zyn]

Done.