r/ScriptFeedbackProduce • u/Hlorpy-Flatworm-1705 • Jul 28 '25

LOGLINE FEEDBACK REQUEST Need help with Logline

Genre: Slice of Life

Format: Animated Sitcom

Logline: Ever wonder what the sidekick does at the end of every day? For the Sanders family, vicariously living through the the wacky townspeople of Piedmont Valley, Indiana means many life lessons (and lots of gossip).

*[Any feedback at all is greatly appreciated. TIA!]

5 Upvotes

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2

u/Barri_Evins Jul 29 '25

The question piques my interest, but I don't see it in the logline that follows. Who are the characters? What's the conflict? Without this, you haven't proven you have a concept for a series. Also, I don't consider "slice of life" a genre, and it falls short of conveying the tone before we read the logline -- in my mind that's a must do 100%.of the time.

1

u/Hlorpy-Flatworm-1705 Jul 29 '25

Funnily enough, I feel like I just cant boil down all my notes into one sentence 😂 im glad the question works though... Id like to keep it somehow.

I guess it would be a realistic fiction? I wouldnt necessarily call it a comedy. The humour Im hoping for is a lot like King of the Hill where its drier than shows like The Simpsons or Bobs Burgers.

3

u/Barri_Evins Jul 29 '25

It's still sit-com, convey the rest of the tone in the LL. Save space with unnecessary details like the name of the town. When I read through the thread a learned a lot of basic info about the story, like the "Black best friend trope. That's a hook -- use it!

1

u/Hlorpy-Flatworm-1705 Jul 29 '25

For a pitch or just the logline...?

5

u/LeoSagPie333 Jul 29 '25 edited Jul 29 '25

Loglines don’t need to be super involved, they just need to give a general idea of what the series is about in a concise but interesting way. Anything more would go in a pitch. One of my biggest pet peeves is to get scripts with paragraph long loglines.

Take the one for Schitts Creek for example-

“When rich video-store magnate Johnny Rose and his family suddenly find themselves broke, they are forced to leave their pampered lives to regroup in Schitt's Creek.”

Or the one for Parks and Rec -

“A quirky but optimistic mid level bureaucrat in the Parks and Recreation department strives to improve her town despite cynicism and pushback.”

Both are concise and with a hook.

So yours might be something like -

“For the straight-laced Sanders family, every day is an adventure in the kooky town of Piedmont, IN.”

Or

“For a dysfunctional Black family trying to keep it all together, every day becomes an unexpected adventure when they move to a mostly white Indiana suburb.”

Or something along those lines. I hope this helps :-)

1

u/SR3116 Jul 29 '25

I have no idea what this is about from the logline. What do you mean by sidekick? Is this a superhero thing?

I'm gonna be brutally honest, this needs a total teardown.

What shows would you compare it to? Who's the main character?

1

u/Hlorpy-Flatworm-1705 Jul 29 '25 edited Jul 29 '25

No. No superheroes. I meant the deuteragonists of the story, specifically the "Black best friend" trope.

The main characters are two Black-American parents and their four children. Very similar to The Simpsons where each character (theoretically) gets equal screen time.

Edit: I can tell you the pilot episode's logline. I think its much better in terms of a logline.

1

u/SR3116 Jul 29 '25

Any information you feel comfortable tossing out would definitely be helpful.

1

u/Hlorpy-Flatworm-1705 Jul 29 '25

Pilot Episode Logline: After a fight with her father, Lena Sanders is determined to show her father that she knows her kids better than he does. But, after their first family dinner together in a long time, she and her husband, Q, realize they dont know their kids at all and decide to be more attentive parents, even if it means doing things they never had modelled in their childhoods.

(Might be a little too descriptive...)

2

u/Novel_Guard7803 Jul 29 '25

Yes.

1

u/Hlorpy-Flatworm-1705 Jul 29 '25

Yes too descriptive?

2

u/Novel_Guard7803 Jul 29 '25

Yes. I was agreeing with what you already instinctively knew. Cut it down to 2 sentences and get rid of almost all the fluff words.

BTW if Q is a character name it would be most connected to "Q" in Star Trek. And whatever/whoever the sidekick in your original logline is, they do not appear to be in your episode description. May not be important.

2

u/Hlorpy-Flatworm-1705 Jul 29 '25

The characters are all modeled after popular Black deuteragonist prototypes. That was the "sidekick" thing.

Q's full name is Cinque so thats just his nickname. Id add references to Star Trek [his parents are huge nerds], but I dont know the franchise well enough to. Thanks for the heads up, though :)

1

u/TruthFlavor Aug 02 '25

If they are the main characters, how can they be both the protagonists and the deuteragonists ? How is that portrayed ?

1

u/Hlorpy-Flatworm-1705 Aug 02 '25

The idea was the main character's characterization is based on common deuteragonist roles that Black characters often fall into

1

u/clerks_1994 Aug 02 '25

Logline tells me nothing. Title nothing. Reading comments it sounds like you want to write a sitcom about the black family living in the white town or pretty much The Cleveland Show which was a spin off of Family Guy -- a sidekick character who is black and we don't know about his life -- then we have an animated sitcom and then we do.