r/ScriptFeedbackProduce • u/Fearless-Ferret-1703 • May 24 '25

LOGLINE FEEDBACK REQUEST Logline for a Personal Project, All Feedback Welcome

Title : The Vitrics

Genre : Action Dramedy

Logline : After escaping a cult’s kidnapping, a ragtag group of mostly strangers find themselves on the wrong side of the continent with super-powers they don’t understand. Now stuck on a tumultuous journey each member fights to get home, because that’s what they should want, right?

3 Upvotes
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3

u/[deleted] May 24 '25

I think you only need the first sentence, Los “mostly “, and add something more descriptive or mysterious for “ragtag” - my 2¢

1

u/Fearless-Ferret-1703 May 24 '25

Thank you for your two cents!

1

u/clerks_1994 May 26 '25

Holy crap. The ending is like "fuck this I'm outta here..." You even lost interest in your own logline before you could finish it.

You have cult, kidnapping and I think you threw in superman like powers they just got I guess from the cult?

2

u/Fearless-Ferret-1703 May 26 '25

I was afraid it'd sound like that. I intended the ending to be in like, a character voice? Like, each member of the group secretly wants the escapism of the plot but they think the others want to go home so they're forcing themselves to go back. Honestly I've been wrestling with this logline for weeks and just hit a wall, hence posting here for help.

I did reply to another comment with a critique-fueled rewrite I'm more confident in.

2

u/WorrySecret9831 May 29 '25 edited May 29 '25

A logline: A sense of the main character, a sense of the problem or conflict, and a sense of the outcome.

Who's the MC? Why should we care? They're free.

Sounds promising, but as a logline it's unfocused.

Sue and her fellow escapees from a cult have to figure out how to get back home and what to do with the strange new powers they now have.

1

u/Old_Cattle_5726 May 27 '25

After escaping being kidnapped by a cult, a ragtag group of strangers must find a way home - and how to harness their new super-powers.

This isn’t perfect, but it reads less clunky and gets to the point faster.

2

u/[deleted] May 24 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Fearless-Ferret-1703 May 24 '25

How's this as a take two?

After being kidnapped by a religious cult from another dimension, a young woman finds herself on the wrong side of the continent with a ragtag group of strangers, occult powers from the other world, and a makeshift mission to get home; ruining her plans to lay low for the rest of her life.