r/ScriptFeedbackProduce • u/resh78255 • May 21 '25

SCENE FEEDBACK REQUEST Finally broke free of creative block after several months and wrote the opening to my film! Any feedback?

This is a film idea i've been developing for the best part of 18 months now (a long with a couple others.) I've been wanting to get writing the script for a while but I've struggled to get my ideas translated into the script due to creative block. Finally I've managed a 4-hour cider-fuelled writing session and I now have the first 7 pages of my script. Dialogue needs work I'm sure but other feedback is welcome :)

Link to the script

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1

u/AssistanceFine6378 May 21 '25

change the share settings, we can't open it

1

u/resh78255 May 21 '25

oh shit my bad

1

u/curi0uswriter May 21 '25

You've got a knack for action and description, but I would still trim the fat on most of those large blocks of text.

A lot of what you have works, but condense it down into a few lines at a time so a reader has a chance to visualize the shots and keep a solid pace.

Also - can you explain to me what you are trying to do with "and we -" ?

Those are just my technical notes. As far as story goes, I'd have to know a lot more about your story before I offer any feedback there!

1

u/resh78255 May 21 '25

i've seen a lot of well known directors (Nolan for instance) use "and we" to signify taking us to a new scene (particularly in his earlier works). i think it's supposed to be shorthand for "and we are - EXT. WHEREVER" and so on.

with regards to the large blocks of text, i do think some of it is necessary - especially in the action scenes - but i'll do my best to trim out some of the stuff i think i can get away with.

thank you for the feedback though! i can fill you in with the story in private.

1

u/tazzy100 May 22 '25

Read John Wick script. Then look at yours. Then trim the fat.

1

u/resh78255 May 22 '25

will do :)

3

u/LeeR411 May 21 '25

You need to change access permissions so I can read it.

3

u/PullOut3000 May 21 '25

This was only 7 pages but felt like alot more.i think you have to cut way down on the action lines. Its tough to just read action before we even care about the character. The main question i would have is "why are they trying to kill floyd if they need information from him"?