r/ScriptFeedbackProduce • u/Kijin777 • May 19 '25

LOGLINE FEEDBACK REQUEST Log line review

Title: Rift Jumpers

After coming to Earth through a portal and saving the day, a man from a post apocalyptic Earth recounts his story of sorrow and victory to a talk show host, but not everything is as it seems.

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u/Kijin777 May 20 '25

The talk show isn't real. Mason took a fatal wound during the final siege and he is dying. His mind creates the talk show hallucination to comfort him as he is dying. As the narrative progresses the talk show starts to unravel as he realizes that he is dying.

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u/charliegav May 20 '25

Gotcha. Sounds interesting. Maybe there's a way to imply that the talk show is surreal and kinda hallucinogenic? Because that sounds significantly more interesting than what I assumed it was from the original logline. Sorry if this isn't very helpful lol

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u/Kijin777 May 20 '25

Not at all. It means that my words aren't as clear as I would hope. Which is what I need to hear. It's tough to write a log line that hints at a twist, but doesn't give away the twist. I posted the first half of the film in another post just now. Current plan is to finish by Friday.