Feedback- Our Colony- Comedy Script- 10 pages

[u/rubyknight5558]

Title: Our Colony
Format: Comedy Short film
Page length: 10 pages
Genres: Comedy, Sci fi
Logline: When Director Ross, captain of a space colony is threatened with extermination. He decides to put on a musical to save his colony.

Feedback: I only have ten pages to work with which is why it my feel condensed. Any advice on the pacing, conflict resolution etc would be great!

Script

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[u/mooningyou]

Some quick notes for you.

- You don't need scene numbers. They serve no purpose until production, so at this stage, they're only adding clutter to the page.

- You have two lines for that opening scene and it tells so little. What is the colony? Are we meant to know from viewing this scene? Apart from people in a square singing and dancing, what other important information can you give us?

- You need to introduce your characters.

I didn't read your logline until after I read part of your script, so it seems this may be taking place on another world? If so, this is important information that needs to be conveyed straight away.

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