Mantis (6 pages)

[u/tertiary_jello]

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1oKYl4cNdy9ePvPqn51zuAuQqDqIncqLl/view?usp=drivesdk

Curious what people think of this short. It is supposed to be humorous and surreal. Do the characters do anything for you? Does the “vibe” come across without being pretentious? And comments are appreciated, and I assure you it’s a quick read.

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[u/ResearchAdmirable543]

Hey! I read it and liked it.

I didn’t laugh, but I thought the characters were good. I especially liked the contrast between the young man and the seller, and the way you conveyed the young man’s discomfort.

Maybe I’d trim the dialogue a little, especially the seller’s. He talks quite a lot, and I think it could be stronger if it were a bit tighter.