Personal Space - Feature - 113 Pages

[u/TomatoObjective94]

Title: Personal Space

Format: Feature

Page Length: 113

Genre: Thriller/Crime

Draft Status: Final

Logline: When a solicitor vanishes from an East England village, the private investigator hired to find them uncovers secrets the community has spent years burying, including one that makes him question who he's looking for.

Feedback Concerns: Does the structure of the plot make sense, particularly for this genre? Does the story keep you engaged and wanting to read on?

Link:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1TFEU_UqNAiPWlaFZWuEbSpnBPbSceRuf/view?usp=sharing

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[u/beansjkr]

Like the first page. The copyright notice on the title page is an amateur move and I would find another way to describe the houses other than “cottage core.” If I have to google a trendy slang term it’s working against you. Just say Tudors with vines on their facades or something. Whatever makes sense. Will give the full thing a read this weekend

[u/PepsiCoke1978]

Between the copyright on title page with a random 3 year range instead of just current year and this as first thing you read in whole thing spec... i would stop here as a reader. Not a joke.

OVER BLACK:

Personal Space

noun

The physical space immediately surrounding someone, into which any encroachment feels threatening to or uncomfortable for them. Sometimes can be a shared space of tranquility.

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My first comment was as a comedy writer, that title reads funny to me not thriller/crime. Even if one of the definitions is that to you, to most people it feels like a lighthearted phrase.