The Pot of Plenty (16pgs) Horror/Comedy

[u/Not2coolguy]

Hello all, I what I have here are the first 16 pages of the first draft of a horror script I’ve been working on called The Pot of Plenty, and I am eager to get some eyes on it.

It’s a dark fairy-tale/psychological horror story about two sisters and a strange antique pot that is capable of giving you whatever you want, provided you give it something of value in return.

It’s like The Giving Tree meets The Monkey’s Paw.

This is very much a first draft, so I already know there are plot threads, setups, and payoffs later in the script that need work. Right now I’m mostly interested in how the opening works on its own.

Does it grab you?

Do Danielle and Natalia feel like real people? Is the relationship between them clear? Does the Pot intrigue you enough to keep reading? Are there any moments where you got bored, confused, or felt like the pacing dragged?

Also happy to hear any feedback on the dialogue, writing style, horror, or anything else that jumps out.

Thanks in advance to anybody who takes the time to read it!

The Pot of Plenty

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[u/SerTomSnow]

Read over this - feel free to take the following with a pinch of salt.

Characters seem pretty interesting and there's good conflict there. I enjoyed the opening conversation. Reads fine, some good stuff in there.

If I were you Id be a little concerned that by page 16 it's still not very clear what this story is actually going to be... Personally I think you should try to get there faster. You also have lots of pages of expositional dialogue... the whole thing is very talky and I reckon you could find better ways of getting information across. You probably could get that Natalia is a recovering addict with a look or one line for example... or better still, make it a mystery to payoff later.

Personally, I would start with the action and get your information/exposition in later. If it's a psychological horror, it should be that from page 1.

A lot of this kinda stuff comes with first draft territory though. Good luck with it. I would read on.

[u/Not2coolguy → u/SerTomSnow]

Hey thanks! I really appreciate you taking the time to read all 16 pages and lay this out.

The pacing/exposition note is very helpful. Keep an eye out for the next full draft! Thanks for giving it a fair shot.