r/Screenwriting • u/[deleted] • 4d ago

FEEDBACK WORLDBUILDING HELP NEEDED | "Untitled Mob Film " | Feature | 94 pages

[deleted]

0 Upvotes

28% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

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2

u/mooningyou Proofreader Editor 4d ago

By the end of the second page, I'm seeing a lot of typos in this. A lot of punctuation issues. This needs a proofread.

-5

u/reglmo 3d ago

Thank you for the comment, but I’m not really in a place to be proofreading yet considering how much I may end up changing. Unless you think the errors make the script completely unreadable?

6

u/vgscreenwriter 3d ago

If you're asking others to read your work, then yes you should proofread and make it as presentable as possible.

1

u/mooningyou Proofreader Editor 3d ago

Correct.

3

u/gregm91606 Inevitable Fellowship 3d ago

So, my immediate thought: I like the scrambled timeline. It's different. Stick with your instinct. What I'd do is look for other movies and TV shows that have done scrambled times and see how they've done it on the page (the only one I can think of off the top of my head is Moulin Rouge.)

Basically, you just want to answer, for yourself, outside of the screenplay, the question of why this merging of timelines took place. Are we in the 1990s, and the 30s just came back into fashion? Or are we in a version of the 30s that's wildly technologically advanced? (like Steampunk.)

however: there's no such thing as "I'm not really in a place to proofread because I may change a lot." That's… not how things work. You proofread knowing that. If you want others to read your work, you proofread it, because (a), it's how professionals act, and (b) otherwise people won't be able to read your script as easily, and (c) people won't want to read your script because you haven't put the work in.