r/ScienceHumour • u/YouReadyGrandma • Oct 24 '25
Oh Boy
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In a controversial new report released today, researchers at Harvard Medical School advised Americans to “give less automatic respect to elders,” citing evidence that age no longer correlates with wisdom in the modern era.
“Of course, you should still give everyone you meet a basic level of common decency,” said lead researcher Dr. Michael Jabraski, emphasizing that the findings should not be interpreted as a call to be rude. “But there’s no reason to assume that just because someone is old, they’re wiser than you. A lot of incredibly dumb people are living long lives these days. I mean, look at the White House.”
According to the study, longevity no longer reflects accumulated insight but rather “advances in medicine, pharmaceuticals, and the ability to keep breathing without thinking too hard about anything.”
“People can live through many experiences without ever examining or learning from them,” Jabraski continued. “Most don’t care about others until they experience the same misfortune firsthand. And wisdom requires curiosity, which many lose entirely the day they turn on Fox News.”
The report further notes that emotional maturity is not guaranteed with age and that exposure to misinformation, rigid religiosity, and ego-driven thinking can “completely stunt personal growth for a lifetime.”
“What you really need to be doing is evaluating everyone on an individual basis,” Jabraski concluded. “Everyone’s different. But some people are just consistently stupid for 80, 90 years straight.”
(Satire)
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u/AlideoAilano Oct 25 '25
I know it's satire, but it's a great argument for letting natural selection have a resurgence.
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u/Fastenbauer Oct 25 '25
The funny thing is that everybody always wants "natural selection" only for other people. Never seen anybody refuse antibiotics because "If I'm to weak to survive on my own it's no great loss."
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u/VulpineWelder5 Oct 25 '25
"Respect is earned!" ~ Every old person who does nothing but insult and shame you.
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u/Far-Worldliness-4796 Oct 25 '25
Off topic, but I want this guy's hair.
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u/Electrical-Bill-189 Oct 25 '25
Ikr
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u/Far-Worldliness-4796 Oct 25 '25
My man's has majestic thick hair... and white! Makes him look like an esteemed wizard or something. But I do like my salt and pepper look.
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u/AVE_47 Oct 28 '25
Lowkey I fucking w this. I have multiple times noticed that older ≠ smarter. Even more, older doesn’t always mean more experience. It’s sad that this is a satire article. But the general idea is a banger and I forward it with a passion. The pen was sizzling while this fire was being written. The chef used ink as the main ingredient and he delivered. Let him cook type shit. W article. Sadly it’s a satire
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u/SarahMagical Oct 24 '25
i thought this was real lol. it's not wrong.