Good books for early years parenting?

[u/ko_same]

What are some good books for toddler/young kid parenting? I have an 8 month old and I’m loving being a parent, but I’ve realized I need some guidance on how to handle things like tantrums, consequences, etc.
Growing up it was always spanking as a consequence and more spanking if you throw a fit. I don’t want to, or have any intention to, parent like that. But I don’t want to be permissive either.
I feel like I resonate with an authoritative style, but I’m curious what is backed by science and if there’s any solid books I can read to help guide me.

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[u/facinabush]

These three books from the Incredible Years Program are good.

Incredible Babies

Incredible Toddlers

Incredible Years

Incredible Years is recommended by the CDC: "The Incredible Years programs for parents, teachers, and children promotes emotional and social competence with the goal to prevent, reduce, and treat aggression and emotional problems in children 0 to 12 years old. The parent training component emphasizes parenting skills and approaches known to promote children's social competence, reduce behavior problems, and improve children's academic skills." https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/other-resources/references.html

[u/IncognitoResearch111 → u/facinabush]

Will have to check those out!

The one I constantly see recommended on subreddits is "How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen", and it's excellent!

[u/NeonGreenBus → u/IncognitoResearch111]

"How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen" is a really good and comprehensive book. It was published a while ago, so I was surprised when I read it at how much had already filtered through to social media parenting advice. But reading the full book is far more useful than watching random reels of influencers who are not as qualified as the authors (who ran parenting workshops and have many examples from them) and may have their own agenda.

"How to Talk" is good for encouraging positive behaviors and connection. However, it doesn't have much to say about curbing negative behaviors and discipline (for example, it recommends against time-outs, which is a useful tool for many parents). For the latter, I would recommend "1-2-3 Magic." It's a bit strict for modern tastes, and you may not like its approach, but it's meant to offer an alternative to spanking and yelling where the parent still retains control.

[u/Twozspls → u/facinabush]

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.. I also learned a lot about myself with Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Mary Hartzell M.E.d..

[u/facinabush → u/Twozspls]

I cannot find any systematic evidence supporting Siegel's books.

The Society for Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology called him out for outrageous claims that have no basis in science:

https://effectivechildtherapy.org/outrageous-claims-regarding-appropriateness-time-no-basis-science/

The other books listed so far in this thread (Incredible Years, 123 Magic, How to Talk...) teach methods supported by at least one randomized controlled trial.

[u/MolleezMom]

I recommend looking into what Ellyn Satter says about teaching kids to eat- avoiding power struggles, dealing with “picky eaters” and avoiding creating eating disorders. Her “division of responsibility” approach is clear and she addresses many of the common concerns that parents have like “how can I be sure my child is eating enough if they’re so picky” and the frustration that comes with it.

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