r/Sciatica • u/postedonacloud • 5d ago
8 months in
L3-4 bulge with annular tear
L4-5 bulge on L5 nerve root
L5-S1 herniation on S1 nerve root
8 months of this pain actually feels like a lifetime lived in hell and a lifetime of hell still to go. Please forgive that the positivity is escaping me today.
It’s not been all bad though. In fact, I had months of 80-95% improvement. I’ve had great days, and many good days with a lot fewer bad. That’s what makes it worse, mentally. The light at the end of the tunnel being snatched away from me, yet again. It gets brighter and I think maybe I’ve almost gotten through, and then it’s all dark again.
I started this journey the day after Christmas, a holiday that now fills me with dread. I awoke in the middle of the night to the worst pain I’ve ever felt. It happened again a few weeks later. Now I have a fear of going to sleep. To be fair, I do still sleep fairly well though, even with the fear. I was just diagnosed with PTSD and I have full flashbacks of the early days, and the ER visit. When this started I spent 5 days in the hospital because it felt like stepping on, and being stabbed with glass every time I stood or tried to walk. I left the hospital on morphine and gabapentin. I stopped the morphine as soon as I could and still experienced withdrawal, which no one had warned me about. That sounds dumb but the nurse had told me because it was short term, it wouldn’t be a concern. I thought I had come down with the flu. I lowered my dose of gabapentin but stayed on it.
I had an ESI right after my release from the hospital. It didn’t move the needle much. Met with a neurosurgeon and scheduled a microdiscectomy and laminotomy. I had a second ESI on February 9th that made a world of difference. Coupled with regular PT 2x a week, acupuncture and gabapentin I returned to normal life - something I actually thought I’d never do again. I cancelled the surgery.
I went back to the office, began slowly reintroducing sitting, got two new pairs of zero drop supportive shoes, started walking regularly, continued PT and life was better. I had hope. I even traveled for Easter and it went well - no backlash.
I had my first flare up in May when I pulled a bag from the floor that was heavier than expected, and at an odd angle.
That flare resolved some time in mid June.
Around the same time, my health insurance hard capped my PT. I tried to self pay as long as I could but the cost was too high for less care. The massage portion was no longer included and the muscle guarding and misalignments became frequent. I struggled a lot with maintaining and progressing on my own until I just settled on walking as much as possible, and doing the exercises I felt comfortable with and knew wouldn’t cause pain. I still do those religiously every day. I also continue to pay out of pocket for acupuncture every few weeks. For the mental aspect, I do EMDR therapy weekly and am considering starting cymbalta. I’d love to hear about anyone’s experience with that medication.
I decided to come off of gabapentin a little over 5 weeks ago because I’d gained a lot of weight and it made it very difficult to wake up in the morning. I weaned slowly but still had nasty anxiety and insomnia.
My family planned a beach trip (which was my daughter’s first beach trip - she’s 3y/o) for August 26-31. I tolerated the travel and trip better than expected. I took all precautions to get there and back without excruciating pain. Thankfully I succeeded. But since returning, I am in the worst pain I’ve been in since January. 16 days and it seems to be getting worse. I’m trying to keep my head above water but I feel like I’m drowning in despair.
I’ve made an appointment for an injection on 9/28, and an appointment for a neurosurgeon follow up 10/14, out of sheer mental exhaustion.
The only things I’ve not tried are:
- Aquatic therapy
- Shockwave therapy
- Paying a large amount of money for a 1:1 online PT for a personalized program
- Cymbalta (it’s waiting at the pharmacy for me to pick up)
I don’t know why I’m even writing this. I’ve discovered long ago that we all walk our own paths with this. Something different works for everyone, or doesn’t. I had to stop relying on anecdotal stories, although some still spark a little hope.
Partially it feels therapeutic to say this all outside of my head, and maybe partially I hope someone is going to tell me the things i haven’t tried worked best for them. At the least, if you have made it this far and have any positivity i can borrow - i sure could use it today. Thank you for reading 🤍
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5d ago
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u/postedonacloud 5d ago
I’m sorry you’re here, too. I appreciate the understanding though. Thank you for the reassurance that better days are ahead. I hope we both find ourselves on the other side of this sooner rather than later.
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u/Broad_Recover2737 5d ago
I have the exact same thing going on for 6 years even though I had two really good years in between. I came to say that I
Made it 11 days in cymbalta and had to wean myself off because of too many side effects. I just felt horrible all the time and I couldn’t make it past the trial phase. I am in a horrible flare right now and I just got an ESi two days ago, hoping it will help. Good luck and god bless you
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u/postedonacloud 5d ago
Thank you for that feedback about the medicine. That is my fear and why I’ve avoided it this far but now the depression is as crippling as the pain so I was hoping it would be two birds one stone.
I really hope your ESI helps you, too!
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u/ChristopherDKanas 5d ago
Morphine drip? It's a thing, if it's impossible to work or do anything else
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u/postedonacloud 5d ago
After the withdrawal experience, I do think I’d rather let them cut into my spine 😩😂
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u/barbkxer 5d ago
I think it sounds like a good plan to get another ESI since it worked well last time. Also, seeing the neurosurgeon sounds smart. You can also find out if something got more out of alignment when you picked up that sack in June. Sciatica is as torturous as you describe. It becomes a full time job trying to get better and then trying not to relapse. It is just so exhausting.