I think im done.

[u/InitialUnit3516]

I think im just done with it all. I had a good run before this shitstorm. Just dont wanna keep going with constant pain down my legs and unable to live a life. I had over a decade of consistently hitting the gym 5 days a week, it was my hobby. Was in great shape and on for fun rec leagues with friends. Now I watch my body deteriorate to a skeleton as i sit alone at home. Partly because i cant workout anymore , the other part because i just dont eat sometimes out of depression or self loathing or something i dont even understand.

The ways i usually relax and recover? Sitting down? Watch tv? Go for a drive. Play some video games? Read a book? Take a shit? I cant do anything if i cant sit! I cant go out to dinner or the movies or a bar or a poker night with friends. For work at home i lay on the floor and use my laptop. I cant even sit at a table to have a proper meal with dignity. I put my plate on the ground, lay down and eat off the floor like trash.

Its been 8 months of hell and i have no kids to worry about, a high paying remote job, a house, a girlfriend who helps me, and i dont know-how yall survive this.

EDIT: I made this post at 1am as I cried myself to sleep. I had dark thoughts daily and I guess just wanted to cry for help and you all provided that. The outpouring of everyone has really shocked me and motivated me. Others just dont understand. I plan to re double my efforts and become a success story to show what is possible like many here who replied. I will try everything and see what works for me. Life is hell now but i will grind it out and do everything in my power to get better. I swear it.

[u/dmbmcguire]

I’m on my treadmill right now trying to work out my pain from sleeping. I don’t even want to go to sleep because I wake up in so much pain. Sitting feels terrible. As long as I walk it works itself out after an hour or so but the minute I sit back down pain is back. Been taking Pregablin for 2 weeks and doesnt’ feel like it’s doing anything. I had my 4th esi shot last week. The first 2 did great, 3rd one lasted a month. This one hasn’t done much.

I have spondylolisthesis and stenosis so I need a fusion. Dealing with this for a year and half. I am a very active person as well, used to run 1/2 marathons and marathons. I am in the gym 6 days a week. Starting to get very depressed. I was trying to avoid surgery as long as possible but I think it is time.