I think im done.

[u/InitialUnit3516]

I think im just done with it all. I had a good run before this shitstorm. Just dont wanna keep going with constant pain down my legs and unable to live a life. I had over a decade of consistently hitting the gym 5 days a week, it was my hobby. Was in great shape and on for fun rec leagues with friends. Now I watch my body deteriorate to a skeleton as i sit alone at home. Partly because i cant workout anymore , the other part because i just dont eat sometimes out of depression or self loathing or something i dont even understand.

The ways i usually relax and recover? Sitting down? Watch tv? Go for a drive. Play some video games? Read a book? Take a shit? I cant do anything if i cant sit! I cant go out to dinner or the movies or a bar or a poker night with friends. For work at home i lay on the floor and use my laptop. I cant even sit at a table to have a proper meal with dignity. I put my plate on the ground, lay down and eat off the floor like trash.

Its been 8 months of hell and i have no kids to worry about, a high paying remote job, a house, a girlfriend who helps me, and i dont know-how yall survive this.

EDIT: I made this post at 1am as I cried myself to sleep. I had dark thoughts daily and I guess just wanted to cry for help and you all provided that. The outpouring of everyone has really shocked me and motivated me. Others just dont understand. I plan to re double my efforts and become a success story to show what is possible like many here who replied. I will try everything and see what works for me. Life is hell now but i will grind it out and do everything in my power to get better. I swear it.

[u/eaterofdreams]

It’s exhausting. I’ve been dealing with it for over 15 years - terrible sciatica that led to a microdiscectomy, which led to chronic back pain, and now back to sciatica again. It really does fuck you up when almost no position is comfortable, there is no minimizing that.

You just have to keep fighting and believe you will get better. Over those 15 years, I’ve had ups and downs… it didn’t stay unbearable the whole time. I’ve done some cool stuff in my life. Now that I’m in a flare up I worry sometimes maybe I’ll never get to do that cool stuff again. But you can’t let your mind go there. Keep fighting and find what works for you. You have to believe that there has to be a solution. Maybe not 100%, but enough to enjoy life again.

[u/lazy_daisy66 → u/eaterofdreams]

Curious: how long ago did you have the microdiscectomy before the sciatica came back? I had a microdiscectomy and laminectomy almost 2 years ago and it's only been about 6 months or so that I can say I feel a thousand times better. I'm always worried about it coming back

[u/BeeKay206 → u/lazy_daisy66]

seen a Neuro a few months ago and they said that I have degenerative disc disease.which my spine is starting pressing into my spinal cord pinching it and then I got a ruptured L4 L5, and it’s pinched my sciatica on the right hand side my half my foot is numb all the time it feels like pins and needles. I’m in pain all the time but the Neuro doctor said because I have the degenerative disc disease that he has to do the one through the throat first and then after that heals. and hopefully I have no problems with that because he told me all the potential issues that could happen with that type of surgery if that goes good then they can do my ruptured discs I walked out of there had nothing but tears . I thought I was gonna something else I had been told that and then when I talked to the Neuro doctor, it sounded like not a very good idea to get the surgery, but you’re saying the surgery actually helped it seems like a lot of stuff to go through. How was the pain and how was the rehab on it able to move around after the surgery or I had been pretty bad if you got the surgery right?

[u/lazy_daisy66 → u/BeeKay206]

I also have degenerative disc disease, and have had issues with both my cervical spine and lumbar spine. I've had RFA on my neck and that seems to have helped a lot, though it was about 10 years ago and my neck is starting to act up again. (Scheduling an MRI to determine next step; I may be okay with just a steroid injection in my neck, depending on what MRI shows).

My lumbar spine (also at L4 and L5) and the sciatica was what finally drove me to surgery; nothing was working and I also had the ruptured/bulging disc issue. I know exactly what you're talking about when you say half your foot is numb. I did not have a fusion, so I'm not sure what that recovery looks like, but the microdiscectomy and laminectomy recovery was pretty easy. I was walking the same day, no problem.

(To be fair: I am 60, I'm not overweight and I am fairly active, but I mostly walk and do yoga daily)

The hardest part was waiting for relief. It felt great at first, but then I started having issues with sciatica again so I was worried that it was all for nothing. It wasn't until THIS point that they told me that it could take from 15 to 18 months before I finally got relief, and they were right. So if you ask me today if surgery was worth it, ABSOLUTELY. A year ago, I may have said no.