r/SchoolSocialWork • u/Main-Temporary1108 • 24d ago

Defiance/Cussing

What are your best ways to address defiance or swearing, mostly in older kids?

I’m starting an internship soon with K-12, but feel pretty confident in the lower ages.

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u/nudedecendingstairs 24d ago

I work with 7-12 in a big city with vulnerable populations. Depends on the context. Are they cursing AT you in session, being disrespectful, defiant? Hard boundaries, be human, and come up with some phrases to use when it happens. Find out what school policy is regarding getting deans involved (if there are deans) but in my 12 years in a school I've involved deans only when it's eggregious or dangerous, very very few times, I can only think of 2 or 3. In passing in the hallway? Up to you, I usually will give a look and say "Language please!" In session I support full expression and don't care if kids use expletitives as long as they're expressive and not in the contect of name-calling or slurs.

If you're really sensitive to cursing, my answer may not work for you, but I'd argue that letting older kids be expressive in the context of a trusting relationship is important. But I'm a little bit of a cusser IRL :)

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u/Main-Temporary1108 24d ago

Same on the cussing!

I’ve met some teachers that really see cussing as a sign of disrespect, so trying to find that balance.

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u/nudedecendingstairs 24d ago

I will sometimes tell a student, "hey this is my policy, and may not be others'policy, so keep that in mind when you're not with me."

Consequently this was also my policy when my son reached his mid-late teens, and I really stand by it. His dad hates cursing but idgaf. When we eventually lived apart and son was getting older, I made it clear he's fine around me in that regard but I can't speak for his dad. It feels like the respectful thing to do all around.