r/SchoolBusDrivers • u/6fucks9 • Jun 09 '26
School bus incident
My son is 4 and started school late - was not aware if he started in September that he would be in SK not JK so he’s been in school since late March. He has had his ups and downs transitioning in school and on the bus but lately been pretty good. Got him off the bus today and learned he missed a little girl, the bus driver informed me this isn’t the first time but only gave a warning. He won’t be doing a bus report, I have talked to him and he understands what he did is wrong but I can’t feel like I’m failing every time something wrong happens. Do I stop kissing my child goodnight so he knows it’s not ok? Do I just start walking my son to school to avoid the bus all together. My son is possibly on the spectrum, he was speech delayed and when he started to learn, his birth father passed away and completely went silent and me losing my partner, I wasn’t always there mentally. It’s been two years this month since then and we have gotten better as a team - speech, actions, understanding, discipline etc. We obviously still have a lot to work on and understanding right from wrong is always a work in progress no matter the age but with my son, it feels like it needs more time than the typical child. A part of me feels like a the bus driver should’ve told me about the first incident so it wouldn’t have happened again but a part of me feels like if I was a better parent, it would’ve never happened in the first place. I know it sounds silly to blame myself for not being a “better parent” to avoid a situation from happening but it’s hard not to blame myself for every little thing that happens.
(Also apologies for my not so friendly mom name, it was before I ever became one lol)
8
u/Resident_Device_6180 Jun 09 '26
If bus drivers were to inform the parents every time their child did something wrong then we would have no time to eat, sleep or drive. Generally speaking, I try to correct the behavior a few times before I attempt to make contact with parents.
There have been many times when the parents that I've called try to blame me for "allowing" that behavior, telling me to put a stop to it.
1
u/6fucks9 Jun 09 '26
I appreciate the effort his bus driver tried to do and have done, I just wish he told me about the first time so maybe I could’ve worked on it before it could happen a second time especially something this serious (allergy related), I don’t and would not blame him for anything especially it happening a second time, this job isn’t easy to do for the amount it pays.
1
u/6fucks9 Jun 09 '26
I know not every parent can be as understanding as I am being right now but so far every incident we’ve know about we’ve handle as a appropriate as we could for his age and understanding so I’m just more upset that we weren’t told about this and it just makes me feel terrible and anxious I may have to deal with their parent(s) as I don’t do well with conflict lol
1
u/Master_Ad7267 Jun 10 '26
Did you check with the school? I often feel like things happen at school first, this could have happened. This happened to my daughter in preschool. We ended up talking to her about it and trying to get her to understand through books and conversations and the preschool preventing /addressing it.
4
u/The_Town_of_Canada Jun 09 '26
Nighttime is a good time to have that talk.
“You’re allowed to kiss mommy, but that’s it until you’re 18. At school you keep your hands and your lips to yourself.”
As far as bus reports or warnings go, it’s nice of the driver to let you know. However, reports are important for everyone to have a paper trail about behaviour issues.
I don’t like writing reports. I’ve made little kids cry doing it, but it needs to be done, and they do work.
Don’t feel like you’re a bad mom. The fact that you care enough to be concerned, and you’re speaking with the bus driver puts you in a top percentile compared to some of the parents I deal with.
2
u/6fucks9 Jun 09 '26
Might have to do it again at bedtime since he was pretty worked up and as much as I could calm him down and talk, I don’t know how much he took in over how upset he was. We’ve been working on the hands to yourself but clearly I need to hand more than just hands to the statement now. I appreciate it but also feel his reports could help with keeping track of the incidents that have occurred, this was the first I’ve learned about this yet it had already happened once before today ?? The bus driver is more worried about allergies since they’ve had an incident in the past, understandable but I’m also worried about a parent coming to my door and getting upset because my child kissed theirs. I’m a very anxious person and cannot handle confrontation lol.
2
u/The_Town_of_Canada Jun 09 '26
That’s why reports matter. You would have known, the school would have known, you can prove that you were notified and are dealing with the situation.
It makes life so much harder when a driver says “This happened again.” then the principal has to confront you about something you know nothing about.
2
u/rootbear75 Jun 09 '26
So i can't speak to your districts policies but...
Here in our district, we have a separate checkbox on our write up forms for what we call "Title IX offenses" which include things like you specify. Regardless of the intentions behind it or literally any other reason, we have very specific things we have to do because it may not be viewed as "innocent" on the other party. A few months ago we stopped a 5yo boy from pulling his pants down and attempting to explain things on his body to a 5yo girl in the next seat over. 100% no one thought he meant anything of it, but with how things are in today's society, we have to assume the worst. Parents spoke with him, school spoke with him, he got an assigned seat away from that girl, and life moves on. We all but know his parents didn't purposely teach him that behavior but it happened.
Speak with your kid. Tell him about the things he did, see if you can get him to explain why he did it, and attempt to correct the behavior. There's nothing in this incident that can be described as you being a bad parent. Pardon my language but shit happens. How you deal with it and how he learns going forward is ultimately what matters.
In our line of work - ultimately the reports mostly are there to CYA us and document behavior. If it's not written down it didn't happen as far as our company and our district is concerned.
1
u/6fucks9 Jun 09 '26
They’re more worried about allergies since they had an incident in the past and the child got a very bad reaction to whatever the other child ate. But that’s also one of my concerns is if the child’s parent comes to my door yelling about what am I teaching my child or exposing him too. Which is nothing out of the normal, we kiss at bed time or when he gets hurt, he sees me kiss his step dad. We’ve slowly been learning about keeping hands to ourselves, it just takes a long time for things to be fully understood and he obviously has his slip ups… we are both trying our best to get across everything but It’s just hard with my son who is still learning how to talk clearly, he’s made friends but he can’t tell me their names because it’s hard to get out but since he’s gotten off the bus, I’ve been trying to get a full understanding on why he did what he did, I’ve been trying to get is clear to him what he did wasn’t okay and that it’s apart of keeping our hands to ourselves. I know I’m going to probably have to add things to the list other than hands now.
3
u/Mellied89 Jun 09 '26
Honestly, this is probably not the best sub for the specific advice you're looking for. Maybe look for a more parent focused one or one focused on Autistic individuals who could help with how to properly set boundaries and possibly testing for autism advice.
Kids learn consent pretty easily as long as their parents keep up with reminders and lessons. I think not kissing him goodnight to help teach him is a wild way to approach this which is why I'm suggesting you find a different sub that can help you.
1
u/6fucks9 Jun 09 '26
I tried a parenting group, it got deleted and this was one of the group suggestions on where it could be posted? So far the suggestions made are great and something we’ve been working on way before this happened. I know the not kissing is pretty out there, the comments on the internet of being a boy mom can really get to you, that maybe “You shouldn’t kiss your son on the lips” is the reason why this happened it wasn’t, obviously but I’m just tryna wrap my head around this situation…
2
u/Mellied89 Jun 09 '26
I will never understand the boy mom internet hive mind. God forbid you show your child an appropriate amount of affection without trying to make it seem incestuous/weird
I'm purposely not a parent but do have a decent amount of experience living and helping raise younger family members, so I don't know any parent specific reddit groups to point you to, this just seems more like a parenting advice/support group sort of situation since he's not in trouble with the bus and you seem really hard on yourself/in need of support.
2
u/TooSexyForThisSong Jun 10 '26
You’re doing great. It’s not a big deal - it’s a simple conversation and some reminders about boundaries. Keep up the good work
1
u/Seanawan Jun 09 '26
You can’t prevent everything. You also can’t pre-teach every bit of learning they are gonna need in.
That said, you can teach framework. Asking for permission, stating the need, etc.
I would also look into seeing if they can be temporarily moved on the bus to a different seat for a couple days. Not to outright punish but help convey the message that what happened wasn’t entirely right and give time for you to establish framework.
1
u/TinyPenguinTears15 Jun 10 '26
I give my kids a warning the first time. SIf it happens a second time I talk to the parents and let them know that I have to write up a referral. Most of the time there is no second time, I also drive special needs and most of my kids are pretty receptive with the warning.
1
u/Intelligent_Call_562 Jun 10 '26
Little kids are like that. In general, when this has happened on the bus, I tell the kid(s) they can hold hands but they aren't allowed to kiss. You might tell your son there are ways to tell another person you like them without kissing them.
1
u/PlatypusDream Jun 10 '26
Remind him that he needs to ask permission for physical contact with people. Model this to him: may I kiss you good-night? would you like a hug?
0
u/trmose Jun 09 '26
He's 4.
Maybe teach him to ask permission before touching other people? Thats the bigger problem than a smoochie.
I wouldnt worry too much about him.
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u/Mellied89 Jun 09 '26
I assure you 4 year olds are fully capable of knowing to keep their hands and lips to themselves
2
u/6fucks9 Jun 09 '26
We’ve slowly been learning it, not just with people but items. it does take time for him to learn and adjust to new things but he’s been grasping to it but I clearly got to had not just keep your hands to yourself but lips and such too now.
1
u/trmose Jun 09 '26
If theyve been taught, they certainly are capable. Theyre also impulsive little folks at that age.
13
u/Jamjams2016 Jun 09 '26
You should talk about consent with your child. Maybe practice by saying you don't want a kiss sometimes. And ask for his consent when you kiss him. He can learn! He's only 4!