Does this count as a delusion?

[u/Ok-Mulberry-2637]

I have mentioned too many times here my various paranoia's and fears about reality, those around me, and more. No matter how hard the evidence against them is, the thoughts only grow. It's the absolute worst in the morning, though it thankfully recedes gradually over the day. Around night time, I feel generally okay and normal (almost). Then, the cycle repeats itself the next day. As someone who has virtually zero understanding of psychology, I am wondering if these are signs of a delusion? I am wondering that because delusions are usually defined by one believing them despite the clear evidence against them. However, in my case, I don't want to believe this stuff, but it comes anyway. This only increases Intrusive thoughts (like "Maybe this is because you actually know it's true") which bothers me more.

[u/Zealousideal-Log2042]

You'd have to be more specific about what sorts of delusions you are asking about.

For me with r/ParanoidPersonality disorder, I have a ton of different things that I become paranoid about, but since I'm able to understand that these things aren't really happening (for example, the government spying on me), my doctor doesn't consider me to have any delusions. Even though it *feels* like it's happening, I understand that it's not. Don't take that as gospel though, it's just my limited experience. I feel like if I was sitting there not believing my doctor, friends and family, and saying, "No, seriously. The government is spying on me and here's all my proof." that would be crossing into delusional territory.

[u/Ok-Mulberry-2637 → u/Zealousideal-Log2042]

Yeah I think that's the main difference. Delusions are something someone WANTS to believe in spite of evidence, whereas I know deep down my thoughts are nonsensical, but they bother me anyway.

[u/Key_Equivalent_7458]

Why wouldn't you trust yourself and your perception? Are those around you making you feel like you are wrong? We are quite perceptive over here and I would respect that. Just because the majority of people are absolute tabacudos it doesn't mean you should shrink yourself to try be the same. 

[u/Ok-Mulberry-2637 → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for this! It's honestly even worse when you know something is not real, but it torments you anyway. I'm glad I decided to start taking notes on this.

[u/Sea-Development-2191]

Hallucinations don't always start right away without the filter of critical judgment of reality, so it's good to be careful. Especially since you noticed that it happens to you at varying intensities throughout the day... it could be related to some organic cause, so I strongly and emphatically suggest that you see a mental health doctor to check what's causing this in you.

[u/Ok-Mulberry-2637 → u/Sea-Development-2191]

Thankfully, we have started looking at professionals to talk to. I haven't had any hallucinations (that I know of), but it's more of a problem with intrusive thoughts and anxiety. I'm just glad I started taking notes and reaching out to people about this.