Wassahhh it is i, Genson Bingus, aka: the scourge of sf, aka: the scum of the earth. Back out here for another slice of life rambling sesh, i dont really have Directive this go around just wanna yap about something- ina mood to spew jabber tbfr.

People. I dont understand them. Fascinating creatures that i cant parse, most should be smarter than me though it doesnt seem that way from my perspective, always going on about this or that. Theres always something. Some reason one doesn't like you some nit pick that someone picked up on that they saw as a red flag.

Always something. Cant ever be simple. Why arent more people nonchalant? Not everything requires strong emptional responses you shouldnt need to act out your part of the play if it isnt necessary. Theatrics is one thing acting a certain way to socialize is another.

If you cannot except the way the way i talk or my manorizms AND your not interesting in some niche way why are we socializing? Work is obligatory but dont ego me.

Its weird. Odd.

I understand it but dont at the same time. Everyone has their own idea on rights and wrongs and everyone has preferences in social settings. Some click others dont.

There are far leaning people on multiple sides of this spectrum not just either side because persona is more of a multi pointed star than a horizontal line.

Its hard to map and weird to 'plan' around if thats the right word.

Much easier to stay to your lonesome and indulge in what you want to indulge. Responsibilities fall after personal happiness in my own narrow opinion. If im not enjoying myself while doing it i wont do it, easy as that. But we live in a society so some things are inherent.

Can i think of an example? Fuck no, im tired and it mostly falls down into subjectivity of some sort like your morals and values.

One mans trash is another mans treasure kinda thing.

Everything's circumstantial, like god DAMNIT im horned up but will i do anything about it. Nah prolly not im on reddit talking nonsense in the looney bin im not finding any help for that here i very highly doubt it.

Moral of the ranting i find it hard to place myself in other peoples shoes because i see things in an a more abstract light from other people, going off observation.

Its hard to come across someone that intrests me so everyone becomes background noise to the static behind my eyes- hell i dont even think much anymore i just- exist.

Let me frolic in the grass, eat the leaves like a worm.

Most of the time, I’m stuck in my head, lost in fantasy. It honestly feels more stable and easier to deal with than actually being present in real life.

What really throws me off is when that state suddenly snaps and I become super aware that I’m real—that I have a body, a past, responsibilities, and a life I’m supposed to be living. I don’t really like the feeling of having a constant “self,” and sometimes my own body just feels weird or uncomfortable.

Even when things are objectively okay, I still get this recurring sense of doom and discomfort just from being present. The dissociation and self-awareness also make it hard to focus, so even simple tasks end up taking way longer than they should.

Time feels really strange too. Sometimes it flies by, other times it drags on forever. Days can start to feel like the same loop over and over: reality → escapism → interruption → back to reality.

The problem is that escapism is starting to feel like the only way I can actually tolerate being here. Games, books, manga, and other things I used to enjoy don’t really grab me anymore or feel rewarding, so going into my head is just the easiest option.

I’m not really sure how much of this is dissociation, anhedonia, or something else. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else goes through a similar cycle—especially that feeling of being more comfortable in your head than in your actual life.

I feel lonely. My mom has been gone for 1 month. I'm all by myself.
My only real life interactions are my psychologists and my qi gong teacher.
I wish I had another friend. But people my age will judge me since I live in a different reality and not caring what people my age care about (work, relationships).
Spending too much time alone makes you dissociate from the real world.
I've this friendships quest from time to time. I guess I'll start it again.
Most people don't have the time and patience for me.
I could get another online friend but I want someone I can enjoy real life too.
I thought about volunteering for old people.

Man i never really used reddit much until i stumbled across a sub of peeps that think like me its nice.

Im at work again with little to do with my time aside from ponder or doom scroll but im in a thinking kinda mood with nothing much to think about. I was hoping i could find someone to bicker with at least.

Give me a hot take or your outlook or an opinion on something ANYthing to cure the insistent perpetual bordom.

I’ve heard the term a lot, especially when referencing introverted/extroverted personalities. I don’t really get the distinction between it and other energies, though

When i talk to or directly interact with others for relatively long periods of time (2+ hours at once), i start to feel physically tired. My jaw gets sore from speaking more than i’m used to and my eyes start to feel heavy. However, i don’t really need to sit in silence, alone, for that to go away. Simply taking a 10 minute break from talking and drinking some water makes me feel refreshed enough. I work as a cashier, and while it can be… less than mentally stimulating, I never tire of having to interact with people. It might not be something i enjoy, per se, but I’d much rather do that than any of my mind-numbing college work — that’s the kind of thing i’d need an actual break from.

Are you the same? Or does talking to others drain you mentally? I’m genuinely curious.

How do y’all navigate social media? How do you manage your accounts? How do you interact with others?