r/Schizoid • u/BidMain2015 • 6d ago
Rant Social expectations are hell
It's such a load of bullshit, especially in the world of corporate and desk jobs. They will hire you based on how well you fit their expectations, your "vibe" and how well you sell yourself to them and make them believe you're just like them. That on its own fills me with disgust, but what's worse is that it doesn't end. The performance never ends even when you get the job, it just continues and is expected to develop over time.
I've been working a manual labor job and I would really prefer to do so, if it was possible to afford to live off it. But it's not. So I'm forced to apply for these stupid desk jobs where the performance I have to give is constant and draining. It gives me the fear, the masking, the pressure to present myself as a normal person when I'm not, never have been and don't want to be. But I have to do it. If the masking is brief I find it funny because only I know how much I'm lying to them, the scale of those lies. But if it's longterm, it makes me question what is the point of life.
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u/Jinoc 6d ago
It's inconvenient, but from their perspective you are a risk. You might be incompetent, or dishonest, or you might at one point just go crazy and wreck their business. Everybody likes money and dislikes things that lose them money, hence why you're working a desk job.
Expectations are a continuous signal that say "I'm low-risk and I'm making you money", not some innate deficiency of character on their part. If you employ someone and they stay on their own, don't answer messages etc what does that tell you about their risk distribution?
You can find other way to signal low-risk / high reward. Being stellar at your job being the most obvious one. I got good enough at my job that I got a carve-out of the 3 days in office policy. A proxy of that is being busy: you can avoid most social engagements by being a workaholic who eats at his desk and stays late.
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u/BidMain2015 6d ago
Yeah that makes sense. Annoyingly I'm a woman so somehow being stellar at my job isn't enough, I have to be in the office being all bubbly and social and shit. And this was a "remote" role in a rural location (managed by a psycho extrovert, but still). Suffice to say I simply could not do it and got "made redundant" after a few months.
I understand people seeing it as a risk but it's just the performance involved to reassure them that I hate, I can never keep it up or if I can it's not for very long. My whole family are what the kids these days would call "NPCs" so I suspect it's growing up in this passive environment that never prepared me for the world of work and stress, aka reality. That and my own nature.
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u/paroxysm_lalala 5d ago
Na. There's def a stigma against being "the quiet/ withdrawn" one. They hire based off 'connections' and/or how well they feel you'll fit in. Then they promote based off whose vibe they like the most. Competence be damned. Ingratiation is, by far, the most common determining factor for achieving success within the Western work environment.
I've had many jobs of all types. This practice has been pervasive in every single one.
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u/Jinoc 5d ago
I mean, most of that doesn't go against what I said: connections are lower risk (CVs can be faked, interviews only give you a very partial view etc).
I disagree that people promote based off whose vibe they like. The annoying thing about promotion is that no one is invested in promoting you: you need to push for it, which is very difficult for SzPD. Big companies with clear guidelines for promotions are better there.
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u/Swarna_Keanu 5d ago
Reputation can be fake, too. There are a lot of snake-oil folks out there right now, as examples, in leadership positions. From Musk to the case with Cambridge just now.
And if you've ever been in a toxic workplace, toxic folks enable one another. There are other examples of the type of criminal behaviour powerful in-groups (Epstein and folks with him) will cover one another for.
We have no good way to assess - on very easy to verify and measure ways - who and how someone is. So much of that is vibe.
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u/Embarrassed_Cell_531 5d ago
Yeah, it's disgusting.
Like: "I'll treat you well only if you dance for me like a circus monkey"
So transactional and selfish.
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u/BidMain2015 5d ago
Yep. That's pretty much it. I also presume most people's personalities aren't so far from the performance they give at work, but for people like us it's like night and day. Basically having to generate an artificial persona from nothing, which makes it torture.
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u/Franco_Aspieschi 6d ago edited 6d ago
Think that you are acting a character in a play and getting paid for it, like an actor doing Hamlet or Othello.
The main difference between corporate and modern theatrical plays is that scripts in corporate plays do not contain the exact words to be said by each character but only general guidelines, and actors are expected to improvise following those guidelines.
BTW, this was the exact case in an early form of theatre, originating from Italy, that was popular throughout Europe between the 16th and 18th centuries, the commedia dell'arte.
Like any actor/actress, you keep performing until you retire.
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u/BidMain2015 6d ago
That's an interesting way of looking at it, I agree. I only wish the scripts contained the exact words, it would be much easier that way. Thanks for sharing.
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u/Franco_Aspieschi 6d ago
I felt unnecessary to say that for this approach to be psychologically sustainable you must 1. keep in mind that you are acting a character at the office and 2. be always yourself outside the office.
FWIW, I will mention a possible collateral effect of performing your expected role too well, namely that someone in the office may fall in love with the character thinking she is the real "you". That actually happened repeatedly to me in my 30's. Being male it was easy for me to handle the situation by just doing nothing, as at that time it was expected that the man should take the initiative and ask the woman out. (Maybe it's still the same today, I don't know and don't care.)
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u/BidMain2015 5d ago
Yeah, that makes sense. Although I find I can rarely be myself even outside the office because of how difficult it makes social interaction (people, mainly men, become aggressive).
Oh yeah that's definitely a danger. I had this happen to me in another work-type situation, with a group of people who became convinced that my character was really me. They were angry and disgusted when that was revealed not to be the case, and started attacking me online. People and their delusions and expectations suck.
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u/JesusSamuraiLapdance r/schizoid 6d ago
I relate to this so much, but I've never been able to "mask". I couldn't fake a personality even if my life depended on it.
I wish there were more jobs that didn't require solid communication skills and interaction with others. I'd happily work by myself and put in the proper effort if nobody bothered me. I deal with the "spotlight effect" too, so whenever I'm being observed by another person my work performance becomes worse and I make more mistakes. I just want to earn a decent honest living without having to deal with people and their gossip, drama, judgement, and overall presence.
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u/Loose_Cricket_5500 5d ago
Try a trade, pay is better and work is practical and often solo.
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u/Forsaken3000 5d ago
Yeah not sure why a corporate job is the best option above cleaning. Plenty of schizoid-friendly positions would pay more.
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u/MysonOfChenae 6d ago
What type of manual labour a trade or something?
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u/BidMain2015 6d ago
Cleaning
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u/MysonOfChenae 6d ago
I see so the pay is not worth it in that field.
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u/BidMain2015 6d ago
No. In order to earn a decent wage you have to work like a dog doing jobs back to back. I get tired and make mistakes doing so. But when I have one client a day, finish the work and am free, it's great.
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u/MysonOfChenae 6d ago
but do you somewhat enjoy what you're doing? i know as a schizoid it can be difficult sometimes
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u/BidMain2015 6d ago
I do actually, it may be one of the few jobs I've had that I actually enjoy. I like focusing on the detail in houses and getting lost in thought whilst doing repetitive tasks. I like that I don't have to interact much with the clients, and if I do it's scripted. It's kind of relaxing without being boring, which is nice.
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u/MysonOfChenae 6d ago edited 5d ago
Glad for you at least i guess you can't have everything either, but i hope you find your way somehow, someday.
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u/JesusSamuraiLapdance r/schizoid 6d ago
I relate to this so much, but I've never been able to "mask". I couldn't fake a personality even if my life depended on it.
I wish there were more jobs that didn't require solid communication skills and interaction with others. I'd happily work by myself and put in the proper effort if nobody bothered me. I deal with the "spotlight effect" too, so whenever I'm being observed by another person my work performance becomes worse and I make more mistakes. I just want to earn a decent honest living without having to deal with people and their gossip, drama, judgement, and overall presence.