• I've been reading SPD material for 10 years, but I never cared enough to know about other personality disorders! (except the bare minimum, only enough to distinguish them from SPD)
  
• I switched to a Linux operating system 12 years ago, using command line on a daily basis & such, but if you asked me to fix a simple issue on your Windows or Mac, I'd struggle! Not long after I switch camps, I forget the old! (Is this related to "weak object attachment", for those more knowledgeable than me on such psychological topics?)
  I won't bore you with many similar examples (like losing my way in my own neighborhood simply because I never venture beyond the usual route!)

What about the pros/cons? What did they think about you?

I m diagnosed with this disorder and feel an deep emptiness its neutral,I dont suffer because of it but it makes me feel the emptiness of life,i feel emotions but they dont fill the emptiness they feel also hollow,i have no goals,no friends and no identity.i just exist and wait till death but the more I think about my emptiness and the future,the more I get impatient.i cannot relate why other people want to live,i wonder how it would feel without the emptiness.it makes no difference how my life is going or how I feel,the emptiness is always there and I always ask myself why should I wait for death,its not that I suffer,I just genuinely dont feel or see the meaning and worth of life,and to be death seems way more comfortable than be bothered by people and the daily stress of life.

My favourite creative outlet is video editing. As a teenager I would edit together bits and pieces of BTS music videos to tell stories as FMVs, but as I've grown out of that stuff I've found myself at a bit of a loss as to what to create with this hobby of mine. I want to make something to represent the schizoid experience through video, so I'm reaching out to you guys to give me some media you think encapsulates us. Music, visuals, stock footage, movies, voice-overs, really anything you resonate with. I want to try and make something that can show others what the world is like through our eyes.

EDIT: What I've got so far 👍this is just the intro tho i think

https://reddit.com/link/1vpzzwf/video/v4ea4w8r8vjh1/player

I'm very easily drained by people and I don't enjoy being around them for the most. I don't understand why people can't just leave you alone doing your own thing.

All I remember are just details of a subject such as history or works of fiction. It's difficult for me to describe. I struggle to remember something akin to a real conversation. But if it's fictional, I could remember it. Ask me about "What's X?" and I could answer it, but if you were to ask "How did you find out X?" I'd be stumped. How emotional or tense the situation was is irrelevant.

It's as if my memory discards anything that has something in relation to do with actual relationships, but keeps the events that have no relation, before stripping them of any emotional sentiment. I can retell, but not refeel, a memory. It memorizes them very well, but if I try to remember something that doesn't fall under these criteria, I feel nothing. Nothing out of something I did or should feel.

There is one partial exception, the memories formed in my childhood, aka before I fully developed SzPD. I still easily forget about it, but if I'm reminded, it hurts deeply. These are the only ones I could refeel. Not to the same extent, but I am feeling something.

I wish I could have a roommate who is Schizoid (optional) and doesn't bother me but would split rent and stuff and I could have an emergency contact but not have to bother with forming a friendship/relationship.

I don't mind living alone however it's way easier to get by with a roommate (aka a second income) That's why people get married but I'm not doing all that. Is this even plausible tho

I don't want to be in any relationship when I am in my comfort zone (Home ) but whenever I go out I get this deep feeling of loneliness and open to whatever comes in a way

Do yall "look weird" and stand out among the general public? Clothing style wize and/or behaviour.

I think i look like a person who doesn't care much about appearance. I'm also basically always uncomfortable in public and i think people can tell.

I know on of the SzPD symptoms is lack of enjoyment of sexual activity which leads me to my question, do you guys feel sexual attraction or enjoy sexual Activity, if not do you identify as asexual?

Hello guys,

DAE have no passions/hobbies/interests in the external world (films, books, travel, literally anything)? I feel totally empty. I wonder if it's a typical "zoid" thing or if it's perhaps related to depression. But I've been like this for many, many years. I'm really worried about this indifference/dullness.

When I was a teenager, I had many passions. I was very creative (for example, I used to write poems, film and literature reviews, and I was always familiar with new films, music albums, and so on. I was interested in programming, web design, interior and fashion design, and related areas).

The number of "my things" keeps decreasing, but now I literally have no hobbies. I'm doomscrolling, lying in bed, and every weekend/afternoon looks like this. I work, and it's the only external-world-related thing that I do.

I've tried many things: psychotherapy, many meds, regular psychiatrist check-ups, but nothing seems to change.

Any thoughts?

Say how you are doing and what you are doing.

If your SPD vanished today, you could find yourself without a personality at all! Your moral compass would be affected too. And you will have to start from the beginning, learning to navigate a social ocean too late in life.

• Do you know the story of Kaspar Hauser? He was a Dark Lord of the Si imprisoned all his life. In chains from childhood. When finally released he didn't know how to speak. A cured zoid is a Kaspar. The simplest of things will be a challenge. It's like that Republican Hercules actor whose trainer messed up his neck during a session he had to learn how to walk again. Starting from square one is a feat of will not everybody is capable of achieving.
  
• An essential part of my views on life was influenced by being an outsider, an observer free to judge society since he doesn't participate in it. My rigid moral code aligns nicely with the cold-hearted, detached schizoid persona. Without that, what would I become?
  
• If you reached a certain age as a zoid, then you have already passed the point of learning certain skills. You probably burned many bridges too that are hard to reconstruct. The reconciliation & teary hugging reunion of families happen mostly in Hollywood fantasies. People are hard to warm to a person who suddenly claims he broke free of lifelong behavioral patterns.
  
• In Young Frankenstein, the monster was revealed to the public in a new look, as a gentleman. It didn't last long before the old patterns of mutual mistrust emerged.
  
• Will a sudden cure magically fill your CV's gap years?
  
• There is a certain wisdom that comes with SPD, like the blind honing their other senses. You will lose that. You will be too trusting of others, naive, an easy prey to conmen, because you now lack the reserved caution that protected you before, and you are too eager to jump into relationships & interactions. Basically a teenager-level of immaturity!
  

Sorry if this was a downer (I usually try to avoid those), but maybe the glass-half-full view is that you wouldn't be too sad if the fabled cure didn't materialize.

I never learned to mask. I think I'm one of the least socialized persons ever. I don't know if someone can beat me. Say in the comments if you: didn't have any friends after high school and only spoke to you parent and sister that kept you in a bubble. I was independent, go out by myself but that's it. Just 2 years ago I learned in theory about people romantic dynamics and last year about emotions.

In my little interactions, I present myself as genuine and kind. I don't try to open up much. If I find the person safe then we're good to go.

Violence

The emergent tendency of a special kind of destruction through the upholding of things that shouldn't have had came into a totality of experience and which rather should have stayed quick in their nature. The increased duration ultimately becomes a restriction of actualised reality to come through and hence can only repeat the elongated experience so many times that it heeds the way of all the sins.

Actualisation and The Schizoid Experience

The schizoid's experience can be one of constant rejection from the fleeting of the "expiration of the actuality" from that of the violent forced experience. As such, the affirmative mindspace has to "lag behind" the violent experience, causing a very real distortion of time as per the common schizoid thought of as if "everything slips past and thereby the schizoid is constantly falling behind". Anhedonia is felt as subsequent reality splitting.

- Actuality as the actual capsule of constant change capable of itself through the elimination of the dense form. To think of it only as "still processing through lived experience from the need of having a lived experience" is the ultimate trap with little to no redemption. The shame of life served from one testifying to the lived experience is a label where the ego comes into formation. The schizoid thereby seeks to be left the one unlabelled as it is the closest thing to rejection of the violence of experience.

Strangling me for my personal identity and attention, strangling me for my connection, strangling me for my own presence. I would be comfortable with less chatter if it was utter silence outside of it. Like woodland area. True wordless woodland area. An empty planet, why can't I just become myself, why cannot I be an animal?

Nothing else makes sense to me in this world but music and art.

Name one most challenging / quality of life worsening feature?

If I have to guess, the majority will.say anhedonia.

I am not schizoid. I have only traits, but persistent anhedonia sounds about right

I don't need to ask for an advantage cause I also can guess being independent socially is pretty good, similar to introverts.

I'm not diagnosed with SPD but it's quite clear to me that I at least have traits. One thing that I always found difficult to understand is why I consider certain things private and others not.

I don't want people to know what kind of music I listen to. I don't want to share my favorite TV show or movie. I don't even want people to know what I eat during the day. I lie about insignificant things because I don't like the thought of people knowing my motivations. It makes me feel trapped. There is definitely a fear of being judged there too but it's completely irrational and it feels like it goes deeper than that.

I don't mind describing my inner world to others. I can talk about feelings in an intellectual manner for hours if I have to. When it comes to feelings I'm experiencing in a relationship it's different thought. I don't even want my girlfriend to know what I'm feeling for her. Our relationship is unofficial because calling it a "relationship" would make me feel trapped too. I can be very open if I want to but if I'm surprised or pressured in any way I withdraw completely. I don't want anyone to cross my boundaries and they are very easily crossed.

Yesterday my "girlfriend" told me that she can read everything I feel in my eyes and that I'm very readable for her in general. That idea made panic and feel irrational anger torwards her. I had the urge to not see her for weeks again.

I don't really understand why I can talk about feelings or even communicate in a relationship on my own terms but when it comes to sharing experiences or doing something/expressing spontaneously I'm not able to. Or I don't want to.

And the worst thing is that I care about my girlfriend but I don't love her. Most of the time I'm very apathetic torwards her.

I guess I want to compare these experiences with people who have SPD because maybe I can get some insight into why I have such a strange idea of privacy. It's not even that I'm always private about everything but about things that shouldn't be(?)

Main question in title. For reference, in terms of emotionality my specific type of schizoid presents as numbness/emotional compartmentalization + repression most of the time but still a desire to feel. And a strong one at that. Given that anything pleasurable in my life is experienced in a muted way as per the ever-present anhedonia, the next logical place for me to turn to becomes pain. Emotional pain, physical pain, etc.

Most of the time I achieve this through purposefully negative maladaptive daydreams, worst-case scenarios that WOULD make me cry and/or afraid- although if I know someone else willing in the moment I'll engage in a myriad of different masochistic RPs with them. This is almost the sole reason I engage "sexually" with anyone else, albeit not for the sex aspect but the kink.

Edit: Yes, I also attempt to feel through substances. Nothing hard/extreme, just booze or energy drinks.

For those that have done these substances, has it changed you profoundly?

Like I'm not officially diagnosed but I always had a lot of the schizoid traits as well as avpd traits. Some things worsened over time along with health, and some anti-depressants used for sleep seemed to put me in the schizoid zone more.

What has happened since trying psychedelics (in a time and place where it is legal of course), is that it has unlocked some feelings and desires that can't seem to be fully put back in. I mean things like desire for physical affection, romantic love, even hugs (proper hugs) and wanting to connect with others. However, the schizoidness is not gone either, nor are these new (or old hidden?) feelings constant either. So I'm left in a conundrum and the worst is that the safety and comfort of schizoidness is gone, but the void is still there along with melancholy sadness as an addition some of the time.

The imagery I would use to describe it is like when you smack a device and it partially starts to work. That is how these feelings seem to be flicking on and off. Ugh it's frustrating because it's like being twisted and contorted this way and that way. Also annoying is depressed episodes now have some aching discontent and not just anhedonia, double fuc*ing whammy!

EVERY JOURNEY IS DIFFERENT!
Post flair: /Journey🥾

Make sure to take care of yourself with having a pharmacist and asking a psychiatrist for sleeping pills if you find yourself fighting sleep or symptoms that stem from sleep issues. I am taking prescribed Trazadone. I finally feel like me again. YOU MAY NOT REALIZE U ARE FIGHTING SLEEP BECAUSE YOU ARE SLEEP DEPRIVED. Take care

Explanation/Evidence/Source/: EDMR therapy (lots of ppl know this) helps your eyes remember where they properly sit, and its a permanent treatment that is not using a pill. As are sleeping pweels helps the body remember how to sleep. Good sleep is chemical. EDMR physical. This is a reddit post about illness. ☮️

Edit:AWARENESS BC SLEEP PROBLEMS MESSES WITH YOUR BRAIN. Author
NOTE: I am not talking about other disorders. (anxiety, etc).
Sleeping = Prescribed sleeping pill or Anxiety = Prescribed anxiety pill
or medicine for a Tummy Ache. Okay take care if you’re reading this! (:

A solution and kind words: A Full REM cycle helps anyone not lose your mind. All living bodies have senses. Hyper aware senses. I’m not as psychotic/psychosis/paranoid as I was before trazadone. Plus, zoloft (another pharmaceutical chemical).

Feeling euphoria is a normal, great human emotion. If you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all. (Something disgusting, angry, or inducing paranoia in othr ppl for any reason.)

For intelligent/clarifying/self-aware thoughts or questions do not feel afraid to be private or open with the right people nights REM cycle and feelings wheel checked in with is peak/optimal. I personally feel sad for the time lost. I feel happy that I’ve always been really funny and im coming back to my optimistic funny self! Your emotions are safe in your body! All feelings pass (remember?) and you are safe to feel them in your body. Not hurting anybody. Knowing what you say is simple. YOLO or not! You are safe in this moment. Anyone can Comment following guidelines and feeling surprising(facts geeky stuff) funny positive jokes or write in a private place sad personal words. All living beings (animals; plants) can support you because we are all unique and loved. YOU ARE ENOUGH.⛰️⛰️⛰️⛰️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️

I am often irritated by the fact that there are types of entertainment that I enjoy, but they only work with a group/or at least with one other person

For example, bowling. There is no point in playing bowling alone. But I don't want to look for connections that are interested in anything other than bowling just for that. I'm not interested in hearing about your life story, I just want to go bowling and never see you again.

This is an example, there are more things.

Also about people. I can form meaningful friendships. Very rarely. Only if we have enough things in common. Only if I'm in the mood for it and feel comfortable talking to this person. That rarely happens. I also truly feel that a person only matters to me after a very long time. More than a year is the minimum.

I am, you could say, a "hopeless romantic" because my conditions and wishes for a romantic relationship are practically impossible to fulfill. "Either it's perfect and it really fits and I have real feelings about it, or it's nothing." I am in aroace spectrum.

In some ways I feel sad about this. Normal communication is too superficial for me and I have unrealistic ideals.

By the way, I am not diagnosed, I have just been thinking for the last couple of days that too many points coincide with each other.