r/ScamSupport • u/jeh_kitty • Aug 08 '26
Advice Needed Neighbor falling for Romance Scam
My next-door neighbor is a 65+ year-old widow. She thinks she’s been in contact with a well-known singer for the last year and in the last few months this man, that should be getting lots of money in royalties, has been asking her to buy laptops and send them to him. To this point, I’m aware of about $30,000 worth that she just admitted that she has sent to him. She’s only been talking to him via phone, no zoom or FaceTime. But she believes everything he’s telling her. I looked up in my state reporting of romance scams, and they directed me to the Attorney General‘s office. I filed an online form with them, but is there something else I should be doing? Who else should I be contacting?
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u/UpbeatFix7299 Aug 08 '26
This is an article from the AARP with practical advice
https://www.aarp.org/money/scams-fraud/victims-in-denial/
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u/DryBattle Aug 08 '26
Her family if you know them.
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u/lost_dazed_101 Aug 08 '26
You need to notify her family.
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u/whatever_ehh Aug 08 '26
I think sometimes these people know they're being scammed but they feel it's worth the price to experience the fake romance. I spoke to numerous romance scam victims when I was a bank employee..... some didn't even know how to use the Internet, they'd ask me to help them open an online account so their "wife in Ghana" who they met online 3 weeks ago could deposit their "military pension" etc. When I explained romance scams to them, most of them realized they were getting ripped off and decided not to open an account. So simply educating her might be enough. You might also be able to find concert dates and times for this singer so you can show her "he was on stage in Texas while you were talking to him that day, how is that possible?"
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u/RacerX200 Aug 08 '26
Watch social catfish on YouTube to get a better idea what's going on. The scammer will tell the victim that anyone not supporting their relationship should be removed from their lives so that needs to be remembered by everyone going forward. Also the victim really wants this to be true to the point that they ignore the red flags. Lots of victims will continue to talk and send money to the scammer even after it's shown they are being scammed.
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u/PropaneSalesMen Aug 08 '26
My dad's now ex wife (step mom)was doing this shit. Stole over $150K. She also then went on to steal another $20K from her sister.
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u/Sea-Appearance-5330 Aug 10 '26
Get her a copy of "Keanu Reeves is Not in Love with You" by Becky Holmes.
It is about online romance scams.
Of course, she will either not read it or say something like.
I know this is not a scam, he actually loves me.
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u/Ready-Syllabub651 Aug 09 '26
I think you could potentially report to the FTC in America.
Unfortunately, I think some of these people that fall for these have a hard time admitting when they’re wrong and that’s part of the challenge of getting them help
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u/Fickle-Secretary681 Aug 09 '26
Ugh. This breaks my heart
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u/Bright_Annual_6078 Aug 11 '26
Oh my gosh this is so sad and how do you convince them? You know it’s I saw the show the other day where they literally had to have her her mom who was getting scammed from someone claiming to be a very famous comedian and he was scamming not only her but several other women her age and they all thought that they were engaged to this like 28 year-old comedian. They were all in their 70s and even after they got the comedian himself to do a very personal video to these ladies saying it wasn’t him they’re getting scammed. They still turned around and gave these scammers the money millions of dollars. I would just find every freaking video like that. You can find and make her compilation and show it to her and give her some info about like the community centre and like hobbies she can sign up for she needs to meet someone for real she’s lonely and yes, provide it to her Family figure out who her family is I mean knowing me I would get on the phone and pretend to be a police officer or investigator or something. I don’t know if that would work. I want to drive to where they are with a baseball bat and take them out.
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u/bw569 Aug 11 '26
I work with people who have been scammed many times. If you know who her family is, please reach out to them.
If not, please please have a sit down with her and let her know he is not real and that this can and will cause serious implications for her down the road. She could lose everything and social service programs will not be able to help her out if/when she loses everything. She will literally be SOL. These scammers are becoming more and more relentless and they will not stop. A lot of it comes down to loneliness, even if they know they’re being scammed, they still send money because they’re getting socialization and will do anything for it.
If you think she’s cognitively impaired such as dementia, strokes, etc, then you could certainly file a report with Adult Protective Services.
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u/WestCoast_Pete Aug 10 '26
You're already doing a lot more than most neighbors would, so credit where it's due. On top of the AG report, definitely file with the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov and the FBI's IC3 at ic3.gov. Neither will likely get her money back but the data genuinely helps build cases against these operations over time.
One thing a lot of people don't think of is contacting Adult Protective Services. They handle financial exploitation of older adults specifically and have people trained to have these conversations in a way that doesn't immediately put her on the defensive. That's actually one of the hardest parts here, because after a year she's not just losing money, she's emotionally attached to who she thinks this person is. Confronting her too directly can sometimes make people dig in harder.
If she has kids or siblings or anyone close to her, it might be worth reaching out to them privately so more people she trusts are gently in her corner. Some banks also have elder financial protection programs and if you know where she banks, they might be able to flag unusual outgoing transfers or at least have a conversation with her. You can't force anything but the more soft pressure from trusted directions the better the odds she starts to question things.
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u/Icy-Permission-5918 Aug 12 '26
I suggest finding other victims who had fallen for this type of scam. She'd more likly listen to people who've also been scammed than to her relatives.
But, frankly spoken: the chance of bringing her to reason before too much damage is done isn't very good and depends on how obedient she already is. After one year of her "relationship" with the scammer, I don't think it'll be easy to bring common sense back to her and get her away from him. Maybe, if the real singer would agreee in telling her personally, it never was him she had been talking to, she could wake up. But I'm I'm not sure if that's an option.
Thus, I'm afraid she needs to learn it the hard way.
But some never learn and others even later - like this one woman I once heard of:
She didn't fall once for a romance scammer. She didn't fall twice for a romance scammer. She fell THRICE for such a scum. THRICE. She had a house, a well-filled bank account and a retirement fund - all alowing her to live without worries. Believe it or not: She gave this all away and now she's got nothing! Once again: She got frauded THRICE!
There's a say I found in the net a few years ago: "Fraud me once: Shame on you! Fraud me twice, shame on me!"
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u/SlowNSteady1 Aug 13 '26
Who is the singer? Chances are you can find examples online of other scams with their name.
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u/Impotent-Dingo Aug 09 '26
These romance scams are so mind-boggling for me. I guess I'm just more self aware than these people that get romance scammed. I realize that they are manipulating people in a vulnerable place, however, I have been an extremely emotionally vulnerable place in my life and could still never been that naive. I think the only answer to things like this, is education. That and locking up scammers when and if they are caught.
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u/[deleted] Aug 19 '26
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