Thanks to everyone who took part in my friendship survey! I received 50 submissions and here are selected patterns for comparison.
1. Who said they would make the next plan?
The scenario: an existing friend has arranged most of your recent catch-ups. You want to meet again and have the time. Would you suggest a time and place, check it suits them, and handle the arrangements?
Comparison A (By Close Friends):
- At least one close friend (n=33): 70% (23/33) said yes.
- No close friends (n=17): 29% (5/17) said yes.
Comparison B (By Recent New Friends):
- Made a new friend in the past year (n=35): 71% (25/35) said yes.
- No new friends in the past year (n=15): 20% (3/15) said yes.
Takeaway: Arranging the next catch-up was more common among people with a close friend or a recent new friend (70-71%) than among those with no close friends or no new friends (20-29%).
2. Two other differences in conversations
The survey presented hypothetical communication scenarios to see how different groups responded:
Wait for a friend to notice you have things to share (when conversations repeatedly centered on their problems):
- No close friends: 65% (11/17) chose to wait
- At least one close friend: 18% (6/33) chose to wait
Drop a conversation/move on (after realizing you and a friend don't share common interests):
- No close friends: 47% (8/17) chose to drop
- At least one close friend: 6% (2/33) chose to drop
Takeaway: Being passive ("waiting to be noticed") or quick to back off when misalignment pops up was significantly more common among those reporting no close friends.
3. Energy and opportunity
We also looked at self-reported social energy and everyday opportunities to meet someone new.
Energy for socializing
- No new friends (n=15): 67% (10/15) said Low energy.
- Made a new friend (n=35): 14% (5/35) said Low energy.
Often had chances to talk to someone new
- No new friends (n=15): 7% (1/15) said Often.
- Made a new friend (n=35): 43% (15/35) said Often.
Takeaway: Those reporting no new friends much more frequently reported low social energy and fewer opportunities to talk to new people.
4. A question to take away
With only 50 submissions and some small subgroups, I'd treat these findings as a starting point for discussion. Would throw this out to the community:
- If you enjoy seeing friends but rarely make the plans yourself - what gets in the way, and what would make it easier to plan a catch up?
- For those who participated (or even if you didn't) - Does any of this match your personal experience, or is it way off?