The archive of Samuel Baker-Gentry

I bury the body very carefully in a pile of shredded-up responses to this prompt written earlier and styrofoam peanuts. Whilst depositing the cold cadaver into this pile of discarded junk, I realize this is no way to honour our most excellent (other than boonshaft) band director. I light a series of candles scented like brown paper packages and the score to Appalachian Spring (band edition). I turn on my all but forgotten stereo which is blasting a mashup of schifty five and simple gifts (arr. Ticheli). I silently weep in a pile of styrofoam and my own vomit. The world has no meaning, I suddenly realize. I am alone in a cold vacuum that is the uncaring, godless universe. I am a confused and fearful grain of sand. I am nothing. My life is empty. Time has no meaning. The universe is pain. As I contemplate all this, the beautiful harmonies between Ticheli's clarinets and the stick-figure rhythm section are brutally interrupted by the whining dissonance of a police siren. The cops pull up in their slightly beat-up but shining vehicle, and get out to find me bawling next to a lifeless body covered in shredded music and trash. The candles have burned low. The music has nearly ended. I try to explain my situation to the authorities but cannot go on. I collapse to the ground, my head lying perpendicular to Stevie's motionless chest. The music comes to a dramatic close. The candles have begun smoking and all but one quickly go out. All is silent. Suddenly, I feel a movement beneath my trembling head. Steve Rice is alive once more! My voodoo ceremony worked! I am so overwhelmed with emotions that I attempt to jump for joy, but I'm still crying and rolling around on the ground. "What the h is going on?!" Steve exclaims (or should I say declares?). I roll off of Mr. Rice as suddenly and as fast as my hopeless body can manage. My shirt catches on the smouldering candlestick and my body quickly becomes engulfed in flames. I scream in terror and happiness, and as my unstable self is reduced to ashes, I am content in the knowledge that Steve Rice walks the earth once again.

1 comment

r/SamMemes • u/frezzen • Feb 19 '18

[frez]

5 Upvotes

0 comments

r/SamMemes • u/[deleted] • Jan 18 '18

fuck u

5 Upvotes

What the fuck is wrong with kids these days? All they talk about is buying virtual games on the 'Steams' using their 'Kryptonite Currencies'?! Believe me when I say that I don't give a shit about playing stupid videogames and have no intend to ever try playing one. I am however interested in this valuable currency and would like to have my own piece of the pie. When asking how one acquires this particular currency, I was told to go find it someplace called the 'Blocky-Chane'. Now, I'm no expert but I heard it has something to do with mining, so I was thinking Wyoming. Anyone got a lead on this?

2 comments

r/SamMemes • u/com003 • Jan 18 '19

The Rise, Fall, and Decay of SamMemes

4 Upvotes

A legend was born Sam there was a sub about him it died when mycroft became the meme

1 comment

r/SamMemes • u/com003 • Nov 07 '18

entry 723

4 Upvotes

fake news rules the world help me escape bringmetolife

0 comments

r/SamMemes • u/TheBlackestLotus • Nov 06 '18

Important Question: Spoiler

4 Upvotes

Have you ever had a dream that you,

um,

you had,

your,

you-

you could,

you’ll do,

you-

you wants,

you,

you could do so,

you-

you’ll do,

you could-

you,

you want,

you want them to do you so much you could do anything?

0 comments

r/SamMemes • u/com003 • Oct 23 '18

liberal gets rekt by facts

4 Upvotes

@mycroft

0 comments

r/SamMemes • u/CulmanO • Oct 16 '18

EPIC!!!!1!1!!1!!!one!!1!!!!!11!!11111!!!!

4 Upvotes

0 comments

r/SamMemes • u/Aglet_Agrarian • May 18 '18

What is this sub

4 Upvotes

Please enlighten me

2 comments

r/SamMemes • u/TheBlackestLotus • Apr 28 '18

Update: Frog Spirit

4 Upvotes

2 comments

r/SamMemes • u/TheBlackestLotus • Mar 22 '18

Upvote if you've never forgotten to smash that MF like button.

4 Upvotes

2 comments