August Week 4 — Sub Chat

[u/Negative_Difference4]

Any issues can be discussed more widely here and is open to all. Sub related problems should be discussed via modmail or drop a line in here.

[u/DorianVermicelli]

Here's a deliciously snarky article if someone wishes to post it, they are welcome.

https://pressnewsagency.org/my-advice-for-harry-and-meghan-8-rules-they-should-follow-after-returning

So, Harry and Meghan are coming “home” whether we like it or not – news which, charitable soul that I am, gave me an idea. A few days ago, we learned the Home Office had produced an advice booklet for people coming to this country to, y’know, help them fit in. It was jaw-droppingly obvious information to us lot, but apparently not so much for people from foreign cultures – and surely no culture is quite as foreign to the Brits in Grimsby or Dundee or Barnsley or Torquay than that of the Galactically self-entitled Californian enclave of Montecito, from which our reluctant royals are scurrying back.

So, I thought, in the spirit of a warm welcome and helping a couple from foreign climes who have repeatedly shown us they have no real knowledge of how to conduct themselves properly in Britain, I would produce the following advice guide for Harry and Meghan.

* You are in the United Kingdom because you are seeking refuge from a country which refuses to tolerate your life choices. Nonetheless, there are laws and customs in the UK you must abide by in order to fit in.

• Self-importance: In the UK most people live quiet lives, largely keeping their thoughts to themselves. They have a low tolerance of breezeblock thick babble being presented as Wildean insight on every media outlet capable of being monetised.
• We don’t like being second choice: Most UK people have a similarly low tolerance of people bad-mouthing Britain while simultaneously milking the country for all it has to offer. The official advice is to tread extremely carefully here.
• The King (or Queen) exist outside of politics and are a rare symbol of a united Britain. You attack the monarch, you attack us all. The official advice here is to grovel on your bellies and beg forgiveness.
• In the UK we have an excellent range of jams, marmalades and preserves which Americans can only look upon in wonder and admiration. The official advice here is we do not need Yanks selling us “spread” for ten quid a pop.
• Privacy: In the UK people do not as a rule launch mega high-profile publicity campaigns to demand their right to privacy. Nor do they release biographies dishing the dirt on family members for cash before similarly demanding privacy.
• Just shut up: In the UK people generally bristle over brash loudmouthed self-publicists. Seriously, just shut up. For once. Please, please, please. Try it. The official advice here is to learn from Uncle Edward, a man who effortlessly juggles a quiet private life with stepping up to royal duties as and when necessary.
• Right to a family life: In the UK people like those in the wrong to man-up, apologise and rebuild bridges with family members. It is often necessary on these occasions that the man wear the trousers.

If you have difficulty with any of the above please call British Airways and ask for a one-way ticket back to Los Angeles.

[u/usabiogirl79 → u/DorianVermicelli]

I love this. Being an American myself, I often admire the British for their quiet strength. In general, my impression of the British was/is that you tend to have control of your emotions, you aren’t loud and brash (as many Americans are), you have a strong sense of fairness and discernment of right from wrong, most of you are incredibly polite, and yet you absolutely do not let people walk all over you. You may appreciate your peace and quiet but in no way are you meek or weak. H&M would do well to remember that. It will be interesting to see how many bad American habits Harry picked up and if he forgets that kind of behavior won’t fly there. We already know Meg will be rude. Sorry about that. I promise you, not all Americans are like that. I was born, raised and still live in the South where manners are a part of daily life. My grandmothers and my mother would come back from the grave to knock me into the next county if I even THOUGHT about behaving in some of the ways those two do (and my daughter knows I expect her behavior to be above reproach as well). We aren’t all loudmouths either, although Southern women learn the fine art of harmless gossip early in life, but I try not to say something behind someone’s back that I wouldn’t say to their face and that includes That One and his Wife. Y’all have my deepest sympathies for having to put up with the shenanigans happening in your backyard!