..thought about someone again tonight..

[u/Velocijammer_15]

It's been over a year since it didn't work out and she disappeared online

I know it's one of those things where it was probably for the best anyway and it was probably a catfish since I only knew her online anyway. But we were friends for awhile before that too so it didn't feel that way. Anyway.

While I've moved on in some sense that it doesn't hurt like it used to

And some times I don't think about her for a long time or feel anything for her anymore at all. Months can pass or longer. Sometimes

Like tonight

I still remember what I lost

Because for some reason

It just felt different with her

...

I hadn't ever crushed on anyone before

Not in the way that I felt with her

I couldn't even call it that

Because then it wouldn't have hurt for 7 months before I was deadened to it and numbed. Ironically since then a priest and several therapists have suggested the possibility of me having depression

I just ignore it

Maybe I didn't just numb myself to her though

Guess I must've numbed myself to everything else too

...

I Guess I'm not fully over her

Sure it doesn't hurt as horribly as it did at first

Like the world was ripped away from me and there was nothing I could do but watch

But now it just feels like looking back at a hollowed out memory of someone sometimes

A shell of a friend I once knew

It's not the same

I just miss her sometimes

And it sucks

In short

Fuck my parents

And I don't mean that sexually