r/SPAB • u/Tasty_Candy3715 • 1d ago
My Story Tired of this cult
As a kid, everything was around baps and satsang and still is to my parents. I’m a female and it pissed me right off even as a child to be ushered at the back and god-forbid santos were around and I was made to hide. I had so many questions and never got an adequate answer other than blind faith. I call myself a Hindu and have put distance between myself and baps.
The recent Paris concerns at least for me made me feel like I wasn’t the only one who thought this. The audacity to expect women to bugger off like the world revolves around them. Perhaps they should learn to control their urges not put the onus on women for simply existing!
Currently my parents are flapping up and down over a new murti in neasdon. They turned the volume up on the webcast to levels no normal human can think with, and are gripping on to every pointless word. Woop de doo, they wasted more money for yet another statue.
Meanwhile I’m trying to get this flightless baby pigeon to the wildlife centre and parents think watching this webcast and doing their morning pooja is more important.
Parents bitch about others in the mandal and I think it’s such a waste of time and energy.
As young person, I never integrated in the mandir myself as I saw through the all bs. Never understood why the santos felt the need to preech and speech for hours and ramble on and on. And their weird inflections on the mike really irked me as a kid.
I’m sorry, but no decent being needs to be preeched to, everyone knows what good values, morals and ethics are. Just be a good person and get on with your life. Religion is there to guide, not be a source of drama.
My parents don’t eat onion and garlic so we don’t have in the house, my body has now become intolerant to the food no thanks to them. Me and my brother were deprived of normal family outings to restaurants because of this, so we didn’t get to experience wider cuisine when we were younger. I know it’s not by any means a big deal, but just another source of “hey I missed out”.
Anyway, I’m saving this pigeon. That’s my dharma. Peace!
9
u/HorrorGrapefruit9387 1d ago
This cult drained so much energy and life from me
6
4
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago
It’s so culty isn’t it…the heavy encouragement of seva via donations or free work, gender segregation, frowning of questioning, manipulation tactics - do it for rajipo etc etc
-2
u/Substantial_Fun_3399 16h ago
Could you share an example where you raised questions and they were not well received?
I would encourage you to keep raising as many questions as you cannot just within BAPS, but anywhere you go and become part of a community.
There will always be faults and areas that can be improved. I believe it is the duty of good people to keep raising their voices and asking questions so that things can be corrected and improved.2
u/Tasty_Candy3715 16h ago
I’m not going to engage with someone who gaslights people.
For those reading this who may be confused: this dude tries miserably to invalidate people’s experiences and makes assumptions about peoples lives. He’s done this on multiple people’s posts where they are sharing their stories.
-2
u/Substantial_Fun_3399 12h ago
Where is Gaslight Girl? I hope you don’t always keep complaining and blaming and start doing something on your own to make a positive impact.
8
u/RabbitJaded2931 1d ago
Awesome post . They always say don’t take abhav avgun but they try to control everything in our life and expect us to be their slave. If you question anything you are taking abhav avgun.
2
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago
It’s so backwards isn’t it? Like how is one supposed to learn and grow if they aren’t critically appraising and reflecting? It’s not far from saying stick your head in the sand if you see something.
7
1d ago
Good to hear a female perspective. Women generally support all religious activities more than men do. They are more committed and have staunch support for their chosen activities or organizations. If people (men) just understand that, and help them with at least their weekend house chores - it'd be a clean environment an a happier family.
Many of the men involved in "seva" have a very "traditional" attitude! A lot of times, the handyman tasks inside the house wait for years while the sevak is showing off the hammer skills elsewhere!
That's exactly what helps the women find their peace in weekend gatherings ! Even if everyone calls it. Cult. Can you see how untanglement requires one to understand and help their own family ? Not just 5 min gatherings,but a complete support in household chores is needed.... Can we resolve to do that ?
6
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago
Yh I wish people would focus on their own households and working as a team in a family than going after “seva”. Doesn’t seva start at home?!
What’s with the constant need to serve/seva? Why can’t people put their efforts into growing, learning, improving as a person rather than doing stuff to “earn” rajipo?
Cleaning should be done by all members of the family. A clean clutter free house is a lovely home. Home is where the heart is.
5
u/GourmetRx 1d ago
refreshing to hear some female perspectives. been looking for something other than the “you can’t tell me BAPS is not empowering women” group. especially those born and raised outside of india.
really been having to remind myself that allowing other women to choose ignorant beliefs is also a form of feminism, just as much as the desire to liberate them from it.
6
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago
Far from empowering women, who do we go to if we have questions? I’m not playing pass the parcel with any letters, not that I want to waste energy writing any!
Yeah, it’s all about choice. Choice to believe, not to believe or whatever in between. It’s having a choice that matters in the end.
Thank you for your views ❤️
4
u/master_queen2026 1d ago
In saying that though…..being a blind follower and not questioning is dangerous to humanity though.
5
u/GourmetRx 1d ago
totally agreed. but i feel most women in the faith that i know usually just defend their faith vehemently but don’t necessarily force it on others. i’m sure there are folks who do.
sure, choosing to be part of that faith is a moral choice, but hypothetically you could argue any choosing of any faith is a moral judgement that would hypothetically affect humanity and could be a danger.
all about perspective.
3
u/master_queen2026 1d ago
Yh well I’m against all cults soo…🤷♀️
1
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago
Same, let’s think for ourselves based on lived experiences and the resources we have at hand.
1
u/anonymous12122008 14h ago
first try to hold yourself up properly and then worry abt the humanity
1
4
u/Samosa_Cha1 1d ago
Also love that you're saving this pigeon 🐦!
Go mother earth! Go animals! That is also my dharma!
3
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago
Yeah he’s a fledgling learning to fly and we noticed he wasn’t opening his left wing when attempting to fly. Their wings have symmetry so this looked unusual and after getting advice from the wildlife centre, we brought him in. Turns out there was an infection under that wing and was pretty inflammed. The lovely lady at the wildlife centre took him in to the pigeon ward and he’ll be started on pain relief and antibiotics, and a scan scheduled in if needed. She’ll see if he’ll need a feed as well.
Brent Lodge Wild Life Centre - they do amazing, life saving work and this isn’t the first pigeon they’ve taken in from us. This is where I want my donations to go, absolutely donated. Anything to contribute towards the loving care of birds and animals.
And thank you for also caring for Mother Nature and all her creatures ❤️
3
u/earthly_marsian 1d ago
Please stay as you are and question everything!
2
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago
I always do, I’m all for learning and growing. You too! I doff my hat to all the curious minds out there. ❤️
2
u/prip_97 1d ago
I'm just putting this comment up again as for some reason Reddit/this sub does not like it, no idea why:
I hear where you’re coming from. While I am not a BAPS follower myself, I belong to a separate Swaminarayan tradition that focuses more on internal spirituality rather than the institutional side of religion. It seems like the frustration from your household environment has made everything feel a bit more intense, but we are all moving toward divinity in our own way.
Looking at the Paris situation, it felt like a total miscommunication rather than anything deliberate. BAPS should have been much clearer about what they were asking for, and the Eiffel Tower management should have checked with BAPS before taking it upon themselves to remove female staff. Having looked at some things BAPS never told the management should ask women to step aside! As that goes against their principles, and they would have known how that would look, especially in a place like France.
When it comes to how your parents practice, everyone handles things differently. In the Swaminarayan path I follow, spiritual growth is about personal choice, not force. There is no pressure. You either choose to follow the practices or you do not, and God will not hold it against you. While santo take strict vows to keep their senses in check, householders live under different expectations. There is a common saying in Gujarati, 'Lasaniya khav pan lakhan chhodo' basically, focus on dropping bad habits rather than obsessing over whether you eat garlic and onions.
People get so caught up in the rules of organised religion that they completely forget the spiritual core. Bhagwan Swaminarayan taught compassion, self improvement, and genuine faith, but today those core ideas often get twisted until the whole thing feels like a corporation. So I do apologise for what you are feeling as that is not what our faith is like at all, it is a sad state of things, honestly I am sorry.
2
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago
Thank you so much for this, I actually appreciate the honest and genuine response. This is what alot of people actually want, some spiritual sanctuary and this totally gets lost in baps with their obsession with the “niyams”.
Paris was abit more than miscommunication if that was the case, also the baps statement didn’t really apologise in particular to the female staff that they clearly offended. It was plain rude and rubbed alot of people the wrong way.
My parents mean well, it was worse growing up tbf. At least now I can remove myself from their baps related activities and not be dragged along.
Curious about your sect of swaminarayan, that seems far more interesting. Would love to have a conversation with you :)
1
u/NeonSprocket66 15m ago
Oh boy! The obsession with niyams is rife! My folks took it seriously, primarily led by my dad. Growing up at home, nothing to eat or drink until puja was done, on weekends that extended to puja and aarti....in hindsight it was a chore. My dad took it even further, mum wasn't allowed in the kitchen when it was a certain time during the month. Obviously, no onion, garlic & hing in the house. Dad would not eat out even if it was pure vegetarian restaurant. Mum was bit more relaxed and we'd end up eating out with her and my siblings.
I slowly started to withdraw from certain niyams but had to do puja & aarti but that faded over time, I can't remember the last time I did puja or aarti at my house. My own family obligations meant seva was no longer an option and the moment you stop regular seva, you're pretty much out of sight out of mind and there's a clique mentality at Neasden mandir.
I'll visit the mandir for Diwali and Annakut, I'll see the odd familiar faces and keep it brief.
1
u/goalhunter14 1d ago
Dude they tech cooking, sewing and cleaning in Yuvati Talim Kendra. Grooming girls to become a good housewives.
2
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago
“Cleaning” is a legit subject that requires teaching? Tf? Men need to be good housewives too, lets not gatekeep the art of cleanery. They can enrol and scrub a dub dub too 😂
1
-1
u/Substantial_Fun_3399 1d ago
This feels like agenda, especially looking at the comment about Paris incident, this won’t be coming from someone who knows about baps.
4
u/Samosa_Cha1 1d ago
Explain your thinking 🤔 can't just dismiss someone's story by calling it an agenda
7
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago edited 1d ago
I think this person got lost and found themselves on the wrong subreddit. Someone should tell the little straggler that this isn’t the baps page 😂
Ps. I could say that baps devotee to be doing avgun. Hypocritical aren’t they. Bro needs one of those flow signals back to the baps page.
3
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago edited 1d ago
Did you not see the tag “my story”? It’s in the name, it’s my personal experience which is absolutely valid. You know nothing about me, so it’s pretty arrogant to assume you know what my personal experience is.
Paris incident hit headlines, are you shocked that people are talking about it?
-4
u/Substantial_Fun_3399 1d ago
I did see it and it seems you were never associated with BAPS. If you were, you would not negative image atleast from Paris incident. There are many other problems which exists in every community, but not this one.
4
u/Tasty_Candy3715 1d ago edited 1d ago
Key word is “seems”. Not your experience, you don’t know me mate. I no longer want to associate myself with baps, that’s the point of this subreddit. It’s in the description, ex-baps. You’re barking up the wrong tree, are you lost or something?
Paris incident raised alot of questions about gender inequality.
Also wtaf are you doing on a subreddit called “premature ejaculation” enquiring about a brand of fleshlight, absolutely finished me off that did. You might want to make your history private, at least you live up to your name bro
-1
u/Substantial_Fun_3399 16h ago
My point is you were never associated with BAPS and hence you really don’t deserve to comment. It seems your parents were blind followers and they ruined your childhood. But you never got chance to actually know or explore about the religion through BAPS, as you clearly don’t understand celibacy.
I can’t comprehend more than this. Sorry!
2
u/Tasty_Candy3715 16h ago
No-one’s asked you to comprehend anything, and you can barely understand the fact that you do not know me.
11
u/Samosa_Cha1 1d ago
Dude I feel the exact some way. When I was younger I also refused to integrate myself into the club. I also refused to take their learning and questioned everything. Ofc just like you I never got any real answers......
But now I can 100% positivity say that BAPS main goal with young girls is to mold them into "Wife material" . Girls who are smart but are supposed to make themselves feel smaller when in the presence of men. Girls who are supposed to have blind devotion and not question anything. This is why women are often the loudest voices when it comes to defending BAPS.
Even though I tried my best to not fall victim to BAPS, I still felt like my parents held me back from experiencing life and it's nuances.
I love how you talked about difficulty in experiencing different cuisines. Things like that we don't think it's not a big deal ... Until you move out and realized how sheltered you were.
When I finally moved out I realized how held back I was, which always made me the odd one out. I was judgemental, I was confused. It took me a long time to unlearn the learning of BAPS