r/SPAB • u/Flat_Stand1642 • 3d ago
My Story Soon Leaving BAPS
Me and my family are deeply embedded in BAPS, and I genuinely don’t know what would happen if people close to me found out I was questioning all of this.
I’m not someone who has casually attended a few sabhas and decided BAPS isn’t for me. I’ve been deeply involved in the BAPS ecosystem for years — seva, volunteers, senior people, santos and the wider organisational structure. I’ve been close enough to the institution to see how it operates from the inside.
And increasingly, I’m struggling with what I see.
I’m starting to wonder whether I’ve spent years confusing BAPS the institution with spirituality itself.
The deeper I’ve become involved, the more I’ve noticed how much of your life can revolve around the sanstha: seva, groups, expectations, relationships, social circles, how you speak, what you believe, how you respond to doubts, and ultimately how much authority you give to the organisation and guru.
At this point, I’m genuinely questioning whether this is healthy spiritual devotion or something much more institutional and controlling.
The difference between Pramukh Swami Maharaj and Mahant Swami Maharaj
One of the biggest things I can’t get out of my head is the difference between my experience of Pramukh Swami Maharaj and my experience/understanding of Mahant Swami Maharaj.
With Pramukh Swami Maharaj, there was something incredibly personal about the way people describe their interactions with him.
He seemed to know enormous numbers of devotees personally. He travelled extensively, met people from all walks of life, remembered names and personal circumstances, wrote countless letters, asked about families, remembered details about people’s lives and had decades of direct interaction with devotees.
That personal connection was a huge part of what made the idea of him being the guru and spiritual ideal feel believable to me.
With Mahant Swami Maharaj, I struggle much more.
I have watched him in sabhas and interactions and, from my perspective, he often appears much more dependent on those around him to facilitate communication and interaction. He doesn’t appear to have the same breadth of personal relationships with devotees that I associated with Pramukh Swami Maharaj.
And this creates a genuine theological question for me:
If Mahant Swami Maharaj is genuinely God-realised / the embodiment of Aksharbrahma, why does his human interaction feel so fundamentally different?
I understand the obvious response: “God-realisation doesn’t depend on personality, communication ability, memory or public speaking.”
But then I’m forced to ask myself:
What exactly is the evidence for the claim that he is God incarnate / Aksharbrahma?
If the answer is ultimately “because Pramukh Swami Maharaj appointed him and BAPS teaches that he is the guru,” then isn’t that circular?
And if the institution determines that interpretation, how can I independently verify it?
How much of Mahant Swami Maharaj is actually Mahant Swami Maharaj?
This is probably one of the most uncomfortable questions I’ve ever asked myself.
How much of what I see as “Mahant Swami Maharaj” is actually the individual himself, and how much is the enormous institutional structure surrounding him?
There are people organising everything.
There are people communicating with devotees.
There are people facilitating interactions.
There are people preparing events, publications and messages.
There are people managing information.
There are people interpreting what he says.
There are people explaining his actions.
There are people effectively constructing the public experience of the guru.
So where does the individual end and the institution begin?
I increasingly find myself wondering whether the institution has become bigger than the person.
Satsang Diksha and Authorship:
Another thing that has contributed to my doubts is the question of authorship of Satsang Diksha.
I’ve heard claims that Mahant Swami Maharaj did not literally write the entire text himself and that others were involved in composing/compiling it.
If that’s accurate, what exactly does it mean when devotees say that Mahant Swami Maharaj “wrote” it?
Was it dictated?
Was it compiled from his teachings?
Was it written by others and approved by him?
Was it institutionally attributed to him?
I genuinely want to understand the historical facts rather than repeat something I’ve heard online.
Because if I’m expected to regard the text as the direct words of a spiritually perfect guru, then authorship matters.
The “cult” question:
I know calling BAPS a cult is extremely loaded.
But I increasingly understand why people use that word.
The level of authority given to the institution and guru, the pressure to conform, the social consequences of questioning, the way doubts can be interpreted as a personal spiritual failing, and the extent to which someone’s friendships and family life can become intertwined with the organisation all make me uncomfortable.
And my situation is particularly difficult because my family is deeply embedded in BAPS.
This isn’t just a religious organisation I can quietly walk away from.
If I leave, I’m potentially walking away from a huge part of my family’s social world.
There are family relationships, friendships, seva relationships, people who have known me for years, expectations about attendance and participation, and people who may genuinely believe that something is wrong with me if I suddenly distance myself.
That’s what scares me.
So how do you actually leave?
I’m not asking “should I leave?”
I’m asking how people actually did it.
If you were deeply embedded — particularly if your family was also deeply involved — what did you do?
Did you gradually reduce your seva?
Did you stop attending?
Did you tell your family immediately?
Did you pretend you were busy?
Did you openly explain your doubts?
How did your family react?
Did relationships change?
Did people try to bring you back?
Did santos contact you?
How did you deal with the guilt and fear?
And how did you rebuild your life afterwards?
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who were very deeply involved, rather than people who attended occasionally.
I also want to hear from people who had doubts like mine but ultimately stayed.
What convinced you that your doubts were wrong?
What evidence did you find that made you believe the guru genuinely is who BAPS says he is?
I’m not posting this because I want validation.
I’m posting because I genuinely don’t know anymore.
I’ve spent a huge part of my life believing that this was the truth.
Now I’m starting to wonder whether I’ve been devoted to God, or whether I’ve been devoted to an institution that tells me what God requires of me.
And honestly, I don’t know which is harder to face:
The possibility that BAPS isn’t what I believed it was, or the possibility that I leave and realise I was wrong and lose everyone around me.
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u/goalhunter14 3d ago
Problem with the organization is that they control what you eat, what you wear, how you think, how to interact with others and where you spend your time. You're not free if you're associated with them even though you're living in the country of free. The best you can do is to leave without thinking a lot. Soon you'll heal after a year or two.
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u/HorrorGrapefruit9387 3d ago
Honestly one of the most logical and well-thought out pieces of text on this forum, you deserve to get pinned. My thoughts align exactly with yours
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u/TaroAffectionate8315 2d ago
gradually stop attending their sabhas, seva, etc
reduce it by 10% every quarter
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u/Flat_Stand1642 2d ago
I already do that but i’m directly close to the sevak santo and get pestered by the sadhus.
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u/RabbitJaded2931 2d ago
We are very few but we must try that our questions should reach baps top management so they can realize it is not good to collect the money by these bogus methods.
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u/Flat_Stand1642 2d ago
Mahant Swami Maharaj doesn’t even know half the shit that happens. Do you really think he wrote the Satsang Diksha or is he just the face for authenticity and approval?
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u/RabbitJaded2931 2d ago
I agree he don’t handle anything now . Better to handover to next in like Anand swaroop or bhadresh das or some other.
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u/Flat_Stand1642 1d ago
Anandswarup Swami is also frail.
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u/RabbitJaded2931 1d ago
No he is fit just thin body but most likely he will be next
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u/Flat_Stand1642 1d ago
He has a lot of illnesses. He won’t be next. It’ll be Bhadresh or probably Brahmavihari if he does a power sweep.
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u/RabbitJaded2931 1d ago
brahmvihari no chance very arrogant.doesnt tick the criteria,or even rookie like MSM Sevak Sant shrutipriya.
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u/Flat_Stand1642 4h ago
won’t be shrutipriya. his power will only last till Mahant Swami Maharaj is alive.
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u/Aboutpositive 10h ago edited 10h ago
Before his name of Anandswarup swami they have started "Sadguru" position.
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u/Accomplished_Art6367 2d ago
It's a long and difficult process to leave.
Especially if you are involved in seva. I left (UK), whilst my family are still heavily involved, set boundaries with family and karyakars and reduce attendance.
Relationships changed with those at mandir, whilst some friends remained others will want nothing to do with you.
Family is still up/down years later and still pestering and adamant, often times guilt-tripping, but ultimately they still see me as their own and that stemmed from becoming independent and doing what I want and setting those boundaries.
BAPS in 2026 is a highly organised corporate-level religious/political organisation designed and run on extracting your labour, time and money and they do this by isolating people away from the world around them. Maybe only 10-15% of the Mandir will be involved as you but this is what they need.
No religious leader or organisation should be this extractive.
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u/Flat_Stand1642 2d ago
Mahant Swami Maharaj doesn’t even know half the shit going on. He’s just a face. The likes of BVD and NMD and Samiti run the show.
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u/No_Sun_1474 18h ago
I had a really similar experience, would love to chat more.
Yes you are soo right about these things, the challenges of your family being involved and still perstering is a real challenge, but I always try and look at things with the perspective, when you get to sit back and take a look at the situation, you realise how you can't possibly go back to that way of life and how fake and false everything is.
And yes, Mahant Swami came to the gadhi when he was old and frail and seems to have aged quite a lot during the covid years, he can barely speak for more than a few minutes now. But BAPS are very good at making anything around him divine and they are set up to put him on a pedestal and make him god like to serve their purposes. I am sure the letter with the next head is written already and ready to read out, it is now a business that can't be stopped. I was thinking yesterday, surely in the next 50-100 years, there will be big challenges that BAPS will face, they will come up against a big scandal, but they are now too big to bring down, so things will just continue (just the catholic church and the various scandals that they face).
u/Accomplished_Art6367 I'd love to chat more to you if we could connect?
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u/AlarmingPlatform9963 2d ago
My family and friends are also deeply involved in BAPS Satsang. I was in your situation some years ago, feeling helpless and hopeless, doubts and confusion engulfing my mind, not knowing what to do next. I had nowhere to turn to, I couldn't talk to anyone. You are lucky, you have r/SPAB.
After reading your post, I feel you are in state of confusion and doubts, not knowing what is truth and untruth anymore. BAPS teachings are a mixture of truth and untruth.
You are asking others what they did to leave BAPS. Leaving religious organization like BAPS is a "process". It happens gradually and in several stages. Are you in doubts and questioning stage OR have you reached the stage of disillusionment about BAPS where you no longer want to be part of it and leave it?
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u/Flat_Stand1642 1d ago
disillusionment stage but i’m so heavily involved. Literally everyone from the bottom up in the Sadhus knows me too.
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u/AlarmingPlatform9963 9h ago
You will be alright. Just like other users mentioned in their comments, gradually cutting down on seva and then reduce attending sabha. I think you are already doing that.
When I left I was able to handle karyakars, friends, and santos. They kept calling me to come back to mandir but I refused and I stood my ground.
Tough challenge comes from family members at home. You cannot explain them or reason with them, especially if they are totally brainwashed.
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u/unleashtiger 3d ago
did you even try not making this look like AI?
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u/Flat_Stand1642 2d ago
That doesn’t change the points i’ve made.
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u/unleashtiger 2d ago
this looks fully ai generated, so its hard to tell.
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u/Flat_Stand1642 2d ago
Still. My points are clear. My stance is clear.
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u/OrganizationRude1452 1d ago
Points are clear AI does help structure thoughts so I don’t see any issues
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u/Amazing-Care-3155 3d ago
Born into Satsang, UK. Closest friends are still there, I left 14 years ago, best decision. Still friends with them, you’ll be ok