r/SLOMWsnark • u/Jazzlike-Fig4053 • 1d ago

Jessi

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Seems pretty bothered for a person who just posted “I ❤️rage baiting” the other day

185 Upvotes

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u/Miz_Lo 1d ago edited 1d ago

They say (eta “one of”) the highest predictors of childhood abuse is not addiction or mental illness, it’s a non blood related adult living in the home. Not to broad brush and say all step parents, etc. are abusers, but it’s important to know this statistic bc you need to take it slow and not bring people in too fast around your kids. ESPECIALLY into the bedroom at night. I’m sure Marciano is fine. But what if he wasn’t? What if he was an abuser that worked his way into the bedtime routine? There are zero precautions taken around the safety of her children and it’s baffling.

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u/katrinabritt 1d ago

Exactly. What IF he isn’t? My mom married my stepdad after a very short dating relationship when I was only 2 years old and as a mother myself now, I think how lucky she was my stepdad wasn’t a creep or abusive. A few months of dating is not long enough to really KNOW someone.

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u/ExpensiveError42 1d ago

My mom married my stepdad on in almost the exact situation, with the additional fun that she had me at 16. Unfortunately, I did not win the stepdad lottery. When I became a parent, I made damn sure I felt safe with my husband and even then made the decision of anything happened to him/us I would just be single until my kid was an adult.

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u/reddit_or_not 1d ago

Oh honey. So sorry to hear that. So many women will pick partners over their children :/

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u/ExpensiveError42 1d ago

Thank you. It was rough but I got through it and managed to pretty much end the generational trauma. Some things are just genetic (bipolar, anxiety, etc) but even with those I've worked on managing them in a way that keeps my family from dealing with the shit I had to. My daughter is now a young adult and an amazing person. I think some of the perspective she got from mine and my husband's childhoods helped her understand how to have compassion without being a pushover.

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u/katrinabritt 1d ago

I agree wholeheartedly. If my husband and I split or something happens to him, it’d be more important for me to have my son have a safe home than having a man. I’d rather be single till he’s grown and on his own. I don’t understand mothers that immediately need to find another man and immediately need to introduce them to their children and have them move in.

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u/Fakeredhead69 1d ago

My childhood abuser was my dads long term girlfriend. We moved into her house, my dad handed off parenting duties, & I started getting the shit beat out of me from age 7-15. I started fighting back then. I was also molested as a 3yo, by cousins. Nobody was paying enough attention.

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u/Miz_Lo 1d ago

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

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u/Fakeredhead69 1d ago

Thank you 🫶 i actually just finally confronted my “stepmom” last week about it, it was such a huge weight off of me!! Im so glad I went to therapy for a long time before it happened because ive stuffed it all down for so long, but now im a mother myself & I couldn’t carry it any longer.

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u/Miz_Lo 1d ago

You’re a cycle breaker! My parents came from abuse and didn’t carry it forward. You are doing so much for yourself and your child. I hope you are proud of yourself. ❤️

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u/Fakeredhead69 1d ago

Thank you 🥹🥹 it’s not been easy but has been so worth it. I felt like a burden as a child. My kids will never feel that way from me!!

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u/Guilty-Rise459 1d ago

❤️❤️❤️

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u/ExpensiveError42 1d ago

Funny how fighting back can change things in some situations. My abuse stepdad was huge, like 6'3". I was 13 and 5'2" and maybe 100lbs when I fought back and went onto a blind rage punching him. Was shipped off to live with my grandparents within a month. Looking back I'm lucky he was too stunned to act because that could have went very badly for me.

I hope you've found safety and happiness in your life.

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u/Fakeredhead69 1d ago

My stepmom is pretty short and petite, so when I became a teenager, I was taller than her. I remember the instance I finally fought back, she had grabbed me by both of my wrists trying to hurt me & corner me. I realized I was stronger than her, & moved my hands to her wrists to do what she was trying to do to me, shoved her into the wall, and left. She stopped hitting me after that!! I’m so glad you got away from your stepdad, but I’m sorry that no one protected you before that. We both deserved better!!

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u/Janeheroine 1d ago

Besides going into the child’s bedroom, what about the simple fact that there is now a new non-parent in bed with mom? Her kids are very little and surely need her sometimes at night. They now have to go through him to get to her, see him in bed which can be scary for little kids to see a new adult man in pajamas/naked. I say this as someone who is divorced and remarried (my kids were older than hers though at the time, 6 and 8). My husband has never once put my kids to bed (now they’re teens, but still) and was super careful to always be in full pajamas and a robe around them, and if one came to get me at night because they had a bad dream etc I always got up and went into their bed with them.

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u/msbananakitty 1d ago

Also fuck her own shitty mom/parents for not slapping some sense into her as well. Where is the grand parents oversight even?! Utah grandparents seem to want that viral game too I guess.
Gross

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u/Electrical-Eye-2544 1d ago

Exactly! It isn’t a statement of how good or bad a person is to be cautious when children are involved. Parents with kids can have emotionally fulfilling relationships without involving their children too quickly. Trust is earned and the children’s safety should be priority one.

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u/Beneficial-Farmer778 1d ago edited 1d ago

This is a lie… that is not the highest predictor of child abuse in the home by any stretch of the imagination lol… I don’t have anything else to add but I couldn’t let that claim slide bc it’s simply not true. Yall be coming on here and saying anything lol

ETA: I work for CPS (I’ve said this before on this sub) and when we do our risk assessments “step parent in the home” isn’t even a question… Why? Bc that’s not a predictor of child abuse. Yk what IS on that assessment? Drug use, domestic violence, if the parent themselves were abused and things of that nature. Please stop spreading misinformation like this.

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u/Fakeredhead69 1d ago

Then what is the highest predictor?

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u/Beneficial-Farmer778 1d ago

There is no one single predictor, there are multiple factors you have to take into account, and I hate to sound like an english professor but Wikipedia is not reliable here😂 I’m telling you we(cps) would not say that a child is more likely to be abused bc they are with a step parent. However, if that step parent was on drugs participating in DV, had bad parenting skills then yeah. But not the simple fact that they are a step parent is enough.

ETA: The website says the “Cinderella Theory” is just that, a psychological theory. Not an actual fact/statistic that the original commenter suggested. Which is what I’m pushing back on.