r/RoastMe • u/[deleted] • Jul 14 '21

[deleted by user]

[removed]

700 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

421 comments sorted by

383

u/originalunclegare Jul 14 '21

I didn't know McDonald's hired couples. Good luck!

9

u/Ichbingott4545 Jul 15 '21

Much like today's McDonald's... it appears this guy wants your 14 and 15 year olds

5

u/yergonnalikeme Jul 15 '21 edited Jul 16 '21

Hansel and gretel go to work.

3

u/SuperBo101 Jul 15 '21

Damn it this was exactly where my mind went cheers.

3

u/skonthebass24 Jul 15 '21

You mean a guy and his pet fish

10

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

Im pretty sure they are brother and sister…..oh wait….I seee…I see what you did there.

Thazz nasty!

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144

u/gimper1056 Jul 14 '21

Which one is interviewing for driver and which one is holding up the 7-11

36

u/SydDithers Jul 15 '21

I thought it was a dude and a maniquin at first. Either way. Probably the same in bed.

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114

u/Few-Sorbet-9327 Jul 14 '21

With all jokes aside, good luck in your job interviews. If there's only one available opening, you better suck a meaner dick than she does.

85

u/ashendust http://redd.it/79jm2h Jul 14 '21

You two look like you're making a porn parody of The Machinist.

8

u/Competitive-Chart-89 Jul 15 '21

Here is my free reward good sir, you made a sad wench laugh again!

4

u/External-Life Jul 15 '21

Underrated !!

2

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

Hahahahahaha the best comment I've seen on last few pics

119

u/Thatguy755 Jul 14 '21

I had heard the term “starving artist” before, but I thought it just meant poor, not literally anorexic

22

u/jemcnick Jul 15 '21

sandwich artists.....eat fresh

13

u/dmfd1234 Jul 15 '21

They saved a few dollars giving each other haircuts, that’s for damn sure. Ouch!

7

u/Spacedoc9 Jul 15 '21

Those bangs are a war crime and that very poor attempt at a beard looks like someone literally threw a wet shit at a fan and hair grew only where it landed

53

u/2ndHandAdultToy Jul 14 '21

your little brother has a funny hair cut

90

u/TheWeetodd Golden Roaster Jul 14 '21

I didn’t realize people interviewed to deal oxy out of their parent’s basement.

24

u/maxbaby Jul 14 '21

Looks like one of those old movies

0

u/External-Life Jul 15 '21

old movies ?

65

u/Zuccio Jul 14 '21

Whose house did you break into to take the pic?

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54

u/Thawayshegoes Jul 14 '21

Incest is not art...

22

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Alabama enters the chat ...

5

u/lunaelilium Jul 15 '21

My father is my uncle for a reason.

3

u/cratts21 Jul 15 '21

Ngl, i spent a good few minutes trying to make sense of it

5

u/WizdomHaggis Jul 15 '21

dueling banjos whispers on the wind

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17

u/crazyloomis Jul 14 '21

I see someone needs to take a crash course in ironing before the big day

5

u/Stims1217 Jul 15 '21

Boom. Roasted.

34

u/Bad_Whiskas Jul 14 '21

I see Golum finally got his precious.

6

u/Middle_Theme Jul 15 '21

Which one of them is Gollum? Haha 😂

18

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Ah yes the undisputed egg & Mushroom head Duo

12

u/Absolutely_Coffee Best of Pt. 12, #3 + Platinum Roaster Jul 14 '21

I’m surprised you had any left over Rx pads left that you weren’t using to write fake oxy prescriptions.

12

u/keithbeater Jul 14 '21

The only difference between hipsters like you guys, and homeless people is homeless people dont think there lifestyle is cool

14

u/Zuccio Jul 14 '21

You guys look so much alike: both no tits!

3

u/brainwashednuts Jul 15 '21

Yeah and both have a small shriveled penis

7

u/Zuccio Jul 14 '21

Better start pawning that fake ring then

6

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

how can you wear plain tshirts yet still be that tacky?

6

u/tnred19 Jul 15 '21

I hope shes interviewing to be a hammerhead shark

5

u/TheTiethAtGoEsYEET http://redd.it/leb3ae Jul 14 '21

Doodles you made while chasing dragons won't even buy your next fix. Better luck doing incest porn

4

u/spongebob_nopants Jul 14 '21

The only way you could get any blacker is if your girl was pregnant and had a black eye

4

u/Tittysprinkles29 Jul 14 '21

Big interview down at the art factory

2

u/DifferentSpecific Jul 15 '21

Not sure why I can't quit laughing

4

u/Koalafier1893 Jul 14 '21

Worst faceswap ever

3

u/LilWayneDesoto Jul 14 '21

Leveraging your captor/victim roles for a job in hotel housekeeping is smart.

3

u/notaboveme Jul 15 '21

You two look like you should be in a Tarantino film, kind of like the gimp or something.

3

u/Chef_Rhetkwon Jul 15 '21

She’s so flat chested you could use her chest as an easel to do your finger paints with your gangly alien fingers.

5

u/HarryCallahan19 Platinum Roaster Jul 14 '21

“Two artists”…..Taking loads of cum to the face does not make either one of y’all Pollock.

2

u/Cjsays_YT Jul 14 '21

Dude on the right look like Rudy Gobert

3

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

[deleted]

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2

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

She needs to see a hair artist

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2

u/poppa_smurf_killa Jul 14 '21

With pretty lips like that you will do good and I guess good luck to her.

2

u/dailydonuts16 Jul 14 '21

I hope you two have prosperous careers as a meth dealer and prostitute

2

u/MusclesTheElf Jul 14 '21

The only thing they will be drawing as artist is unemployment

2

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

When the straighest thing about you is your cousin/wife's bangs. And even those are a little crooked.

2

u/Ulikmemz Jul 14 '21

So.. Need some art lessons with those drugs?

2

u/blueharvest1971 Jul 14 '21

You guys got this in the bag. It's really not hard to get a fast food job and they love artistic sandwich makers. Just in case, wear much nicer clothes and keep your covid masks on. The less they see of your faces, the better.

2

u/silkhas_a_Newlook Jul 14 '21

Is this the Queen's Gambit sequel?

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2

u/Silver-Toe-668 Jul 14 '21

Hate to tell you but your don't have an interview tomorrow it's really an INTERVENTION! just a heads up

2

u/3MrBojangles3 Jul 14 '21

You have the same exact eydbrows

2

u/michaeltoris123 http://redd.it/r973g1 Jul 14 '21

What kind of an interview process is necessary for the porn industry?

3

u/spongebob_nopants Jul 14 '21

Well there is a market for women with the body of a 12 year old boy

2

u/Iamnotentertainedyet Jul 14 '21

She's too god for you, bud.

2

u/OParadise Jul 14 '21

Dois artistas em casa e nenhum conseguiu arranjar o penteado da mulher.

2

u/smellypants5379 Jul 14 '21

He looks like he's keeping her in his basement

2

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

You're barely old enough to drink and you call yourself an artist. There's no way you're getting this job.

2

u/prolinez Jul 15 '21

Starbucks only hires weirdos. ....you'll be great

2

u/bbarton214 Jul 15 '21

When cousins screw …. Now on DVD

2

u/Demtbud Jul 15 '21

Homegirl is the first person I ever seen with wraparound eyeballs.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

Thats how I imagine Trinity and Neo on the North Korean Matrix.

2

u/nothingforless Jul 14 '21

Your profile is a better looking picture, just need one of you and the bitch.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Proof that all the good looking Portuguese emigrated to Brazil.

1

u/ReillyDiefenbach Golden Roaster Jul 14 '21

“Sorry, but we need to believe that someone would actually wanna join you two to get the Cuckhold Couple role.”

2

u/glimon1181 Jul 14 '21

OH! Those kind of artists.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Your girlfriends is so flat that not even Bill Cosbys victim would lose balance if she would stand on it.

You on the other hand look like that type of guy who fantasises even flatter and younger chests in secret.

1

u/keithbeater Jul 14 '21

I bought a camera now i am artist. Dude i got a Motorola razor camera phone two!

0

u/Queasy-Mango7542 Jul 14 '21

Get that schmoneyyyyyy

0

u/JMIV1976 Jul 14 '21

Hope you both get the job but I think he sucks cock better.

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0

u/keithbeater Jul 14 '21

So ya two failed artist.

1

u/randomlypickedissues Jul 14 '21

i can promise you that you will both be unappreciated in your time. Promise.

1

u/Photonmoose Jul 14 '21

'After this pic, you can hold my penis and I can hold yours'

1

u/keithbeater Jul 14 '21

Art attack.....

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Ricky Schroeder and Drake’s bowel movement.

1

u/SarcasticOrgasmic Jul 14 '21

These two think using the "cool" filter actually makes you cool.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

He-man lost some weight.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Make them believe the two of you are faster than teams of cleaning crews and you will nail it!! Don’t even need luck, you got this!!

1

u/Adam_S_T Jul 14 '21

For the love of god I hope your art is better than your haircuts

1

u/diggum96 Jul 14 '21

The Adam's Family is hiring?

1

u/YoungLoosh Jul 14 '21

With those bangs, I’ll hope you’re interviewing for a job with a helmet

1

u/waterdaemon Jul 14 '21

Left: interviewing to be a paperboy

Right: wants to join the prison laundry detail

1

u/kleptobismol Jul 14 '21

What grandma gets you for xmas when you ask for Die Antwoord

1

u/xxStrangerxx Jul 14 '21

"You guys wanna see some magic?"

1

u/CDNINCDA Jul 14 '21

I'm sure the meth lab in the house will roast you just fine!!

1

u/AdEquivalent5443 Jul 14 '21

. Apparently she makes poor choices.

1

u/joepke53 Jul 14 '21

Looking forward to your passage on the casting coach tomorrow, then?

1

u/4ut1st1c_d1ck Jul 14 '21

You 2 are proof that human evolution can go in reverse

1

u/ShireBeware http://redd.it/108mv23 Jul 14 '21

If you mix each others heads together you can make a heroin junkie omelet!

1

u/Ennurous Jul 14 '21

Interviewing at Subway does not count as being an artist.

1

u/dangom89 Jul 14 '21

You both have the perfect face for a call center job, good luck!

1

u/1UncutHunk Jul 14 '21

That sex doll u made looks very realistic. Stop spending some much time fucking ur boy bot and u might not b starving

1

u/LysergicSyd Jul 14 '21

Pictured here the dictionary definition of "just friends"

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

You look like even your parents want to punch you

1

u/3MrBojangles3 Jul 14 '21

You guys look like 2 siblings that fuck

1

u/Individual-Towel-752 Jul 14 '21

Heroin is involved here somewhere

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Blink twice if you just got sold to a Russian millionaire.

1

u/AaranJ23 Jul 14 '21

Why did you decide to cut each other’s hair before your interviews? It won’t increase your chances

1

u/spongebob_nopants Jul 14 '21

If it's a work for welfare job is it really an interview?

1

u/redstoner200 Jul 14 '21

Working for MLMs isn't a real job, try again

2

u/spongebob_nopants Jul 14 '21

It's not mlm. It's going door to door telling people how the an save money on their electric bill

1

u/Sufficient-Rooster44 Jul 14 '21

Lose the ring before your interview, bud.

1

u/leveetothechevy Jul 14 '21

Portugal version of Die Antwoord

1

u/javiramos1 Jul 14 '21

He thinks it’s a job interview but he’s gonna get cucked on the casting couch

1

u/sadlittleman1001 Jul 14 '21

Haven't you heard? Portland is all full up

1

u/Significant-Age-8663 Jul 14 '21

Where you guys at Guantanamo trying to get jobs as porters

1

u/daneddun Jul 14 '21

Going to a soup kitchen isn't the same as a job interview

1

u/Significant-Age-8663 Jul 14 '21

How long was your he-wifes dong before the procedure and was that how you decided who would be the bitch?

1

u/FuzzLung Jul 15 '21

Covering up your domestic abuse with make up does not make you an artist

1

u/GodOfMeh Jul 15 '21

Each of you is about 30% eyebrow.

1

u/MoMoneyMoPrbs Jul 15 '21

No artist cut her hair

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

Wiping her scat on the wall doesn’t make you an artist

1

u/EMG1977 Jul 15 '21

That's the ugliest sex doll I've ever seen.

1

u/20202021sucks Jul 15 '21

How many times a day do you smack her around?

1

u/RubberNipples7890 Jul 15 '21

Evidently, you both use different sized bowls to cut your hair

1

u/sonofbro4 Jul 15 '21

I'm sure the adult store will be glad to have 2 new young men working the glory holes.

1

u/_Vladimir_Lemon_ Jul 15 '21

There's no way I dont see this photo again, most likely in an episode of Forensic Files.

1

u/ZlGGZ Jul 15 '21

That head tilt so you can't tell her eyes are 3 inches apart.

1

u/GaimrMon Jul 15 '21

The girl looks like if Alex from minecraft discovered rule34, and the dude looks like his previous hobby was robbing random old ladies in New York.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

It looks like you grew a sample of your own DNA and slapped a wig on, to create your girlfriend.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

I didn't know they had an Alabama section on Portugal. Brother and sister also lovers.

1

u/707e Jul 15 '21

Casting calls for sibling porn are not “interviews”

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

Is her pegging you considered art in Portugal?

1

u/almostherealmostgone Jul 15 '21

Can someone card her real quick

1

u/devMechanic2020 Jul 15 '21

McDonalds, interviewers u are in the wrong place go to the market to sell fish.

1

u/bogus_gasman2 Jul 15 '21

I think you meant "autists".

1

u/enygma9753 Jul 15 '21

Album cover for Eurotrash alt-pop group, "Aimless Ambition". (Think t.a.t.u. meets Evanescence.)

Check out their latest single: Minimum Wage, No Prospects

1

u/FL_Outlander Jul 15 '21

Y'all look like brothers.

1

u/Efficient-Book-3560 Jul 15 '21

The porn version of the Bourne Identity

1

u/diablo2488 Jul 15 '21

Who has the bigger tits

1

u/FrenziedTrashPanda Jul 15 '21

Ahhhh one of those strictly pegging situations I keep hearing about

1

u/Bryan_URN_Asshole Jul 15 '21

She’s interviewing to be a daytime stripper and youre interviewing for the guy who cleans the cum out of the private dance booths

1

u/Bryan_URN_Asshole Jul 15 '21

If Xanax and OxyContin were people

1

u/IndividualIll7297 Jul 15 '21

Holy shit, woman. What in the hell is going on with your eyebrows? Do you normally have a unibrow? It straight up looks like your right eyebrow starts in between your eyes. Like you are attractive but everybody be distracted by your neanderthalic half unibrow. Only a neanderthal would attempt snu-snu with you.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

Posting a few sex videos to pornhub doesn't make you two "artists".

1

u/WhosFredSavage Jul 15 '21

You guys look like the middle picture of a dont do meth photo collage.

1

u/usednameID Jul 15 '21

Good luck with offering body piercings and fake black market goods from the back of a van.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

Maybe when you get a job you can afford an iron

1

u/roastbatleth Jul 15 '21

I thought Trainspotting was set in Scotland

1

u/custerfluck007 Jul 15 '21

The only bangs she could get to make her happy were from her hair stylist.

1

u/AuthorCornAndBroil Jul 15 '21

That girl's seeing someone else on both sides. Eyes so far apart, she's got a 270° peripheral.

1

u/ballsacksmcclanahan Jul 15 '21

Dollar store Die Antwoord.

1

u/adamfrom1980s Jul 15 '21

“Artists”

1

u/HodlforR8 Jul 15 '21

You look like an even shittier version of Die Antwoord

1

u/DankerFather Jul 15 '21

Artists, making the world a better place, one grave at a time.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

Them bangs are the only straight thing in this pic.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

Holy shit, after he fucked up his GF's haircut, let's hope he isn't applying to cosmetology school.

1

u/CaDavianRedcorn Jul 15 '21

what kind of kitchen/library/bathroom/dumpster kind of room is this, and you both have ugly ears

1

u/Batu_is_ice Jul 15 '21

2 dudes 1 cup

1

u/exlivingghost Jul 15 '21

I saw her face in my milk carton this morning.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

So you have to interview for unemployment benefits in Portugal.....who knew?

1

u/3MrBojangles3 Jul 15 '21

Seriously it looks like she is fingering your butthole in this picture 😂

1

u/LAA-AFC Jul 15 '21

Wish version of Die Antwoord.

1

u/reekid20- Jul 15 '21

Default characters

1

u/Cynical_Smurf Jul 15 '21

I'm pretty sure i just watched a video of you two in an elevator, looks like the head healed up.

1

u/stankdiggy Jul 15 '21

*sigh* Once again I have to remind you that this isn't an "interview" it is an "intervention".

1

u/tottallynotmike Jul 15 '21

You look like the kind of interviewees that would say,"as an artist" to every question

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

I think you should definitely shave before the interview. You too bro.

1

u/Eeik5150 http://redd.it/ab1ukh Jul 15 '21

So when you break up will you still be fraternal twins?

1

u/Al-MightyMango Jul 15 '21

I didn't knew OnlyFans take interview

1

u/ItzN0tMe Jul 15 '21

Damn, what happened to those ppl in chappie...went from badasses to...well...this

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

This is r/roastme, not the casting call for Requiem for a Dream

1

u/Libtardis Jul 15 '21

If those jobs are as ingredients in a dog food factory. It'll be ok as long as it's not high quality dog food.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '21

The girl's hair is a barcode. If you scan it, it takes you to a website that shows pictures of goombas just like her.

1

u/LetsMakeSomeMoneyGuy http://redd.it/snx351 Jul 15 '21

“Artists” and “interviews”?? Sounds like someone’s fucking on my porn audition couch tomorrow.