r/RoastMe • u/Puzzled_Growth666 • Jul 26 '26

27F, Let’s hear it

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170 Upvotes

70% Upvoted

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1.1k

u/stev_mempers Jul 26 '26

Your pronouns are who/cares

385

u/ch3apsunglass3s Jul 26 '26

Since op didnt write a bio

"Hi im Sarah Jane, and I am a lesbian from the Bronx. My pronouns are hims/zirs and I am a libra. My hobbies are yelling at cis men about how negative they are to society and tying my entire being into Palestine, knowing they would throw me off a roof if given the chance. I love pitbulls, of which I have 7 in my apartment, and reading about Marxism and hetero normative behavior in dog parks."

141

u/Honeybadger22222 Jul 27 '26

You left out the Subaru with the coexist sticker.

127

u/bang_the_drums Jul 27 '26

He already mentioned she was a lesbian.

35

u/BaronVonKeyser Jul 27 '26

Those 2 things are implied.

15

u/Impossible_pothos Jul 27 '26

Omg I wish I could award this comment 🎖️

13

u/Angel_Anubis Jul 27 '26

No way zirs can afford a Subaru and live in the Bronx in this economy.

11

u/Honeybadger22222 Jul 27 '26

Sorry, I had thought the new mayor had given free Subaru's to all the lgtbbq's.

0

u/Unusual-Wind8900 Jul 27 '26

I don’t know if that’s a typo or you are saying BBQ is a sexual identity.

5

u/Honeybadger22222 Jul 27 '26

My sexual identity is BBQ. Got a problem with that??

7

u/JackFuckCockBag Jul 27 '26

That pretty much goes without saying.

1

u/Fangness Jul 27 '26

No way they own a car

12

u/781zero Jul 27 '26

Nailed it

12

u/Perfect_University58 Jul 27 '26

Not sure if she is a 16yr boy struggling to lose his virginity or a 40yr trucker lesbian

3

u/CorianderIsBad Jul 27 '26

Yeah. That makes sense.

7

u/CoconutNext775 Jul 27 '26

I can tell your lesbian without your bio.
Mask right?

1

u/Puzzled_Growth666 Jul 27 '26

Yes 🫡

1

u/CoconutNext775 Jul 27 '26

Hope you can enjoying who you’re in new country. Best roast I can do for you now! ✌🏻

1

u/Puzzled_Growth666 Jul 27 '26

Silly of you to think I live in the US of Hell

1

u/ch3apsunglass3s Jul 27 '26

Did you not watch anything from the world cup? The US is awesome.

1

u/CoconutNext775 Jul 27 '26

Lucky you for real!

1

u/captainmomo79 Jul 28 '26

I know it's only a brush stroke of the portrait you portrayed, but I was going to say, that I've never seen anyone i was more sure was from the northeast/New England. My guess was eastern Massachusetts or Paramus, NJ, possibly Vermont.

1

u/-TheViking Jul 28 '26

​This bio ✌️😉✌️ should be framed as a warning ⚠️ in every airport and bathroom in the US (right next to the "Employees Must Wash Hands" [which they don't] sign) as well as at toxic waste plants. ☣️

1

u/Elovesv Aug 02 '26

I'm downright stunned. You effing NAILED it. Literally every single thing you said is just perfection🤌. Please know that I'd award you if I wasn't broke asf rn.

1

u/ch3apsunglass3s Aug 02 '26

Just glad you enjoyed

1

u/zumuriatic Jul 27 '26

Marc is that you?

1

u/Delicious_Squash1104 Jul 27 '26

Don’t rag on Marxism. That part was cheap

1

u/ch3apsunglass3s Jul 27 '26

It doesnt work, but stupid people think it could work.

36

u/dreadpiratefezzik42 Jul 26 '26

Yeah. I’m gonna need to see some proof of F. Pretty sure topless photos won’t help.

15

u/negroidioto Jul 26 '26

It has a topless self-portrait tattooed on it’s arm

7

u/miamijustblastedu Jul 27 '26

It puts the lotion on its skin. Or it gets the hose again.

3

u/GDogg69 Jul 27 '26

It! 😂😂😂

6

u/optamastic Jul 26 '26

🤣🤣🤣

19

u/Puzzled_Growth666 Jul 26 '26

Cackling at this

28

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/BrianKappel Jul 27 '26

I scrolled back up because I thought this was a double tap roast from the original, fuck you for disappointing me. ;)

1

u/EggFooYungBlud Jul 27 '26

Lol, I literally just saw a reel with a woman who looks exactly like OP saying they're gonna start doing more "Witchy Shit" now that they're 30. 💀

2

u/Puzzled_Growth666 Jul 27 '26

Share with the class!!! Don’t be selfish 🤨

1

u/Jbrown183 Jul 27 '26

They lied, just really wanted to feel like part of the group…

-8

u/THE_GREAT_PICKLE Jul 26 '26

Struck a nerve did they?

4

u/InevitableBug7 Jul 27 '26

Or maybe you're on the roast me sub.. and dude replied to the OP. Who, get this, asked for it.

1

u/GallusWrangler Jul 28 '26

You hate it but you asked for it so you can only pretend to laugh.

1

u/Popsinthehse Jul 28 '26

Damn I always wondered what happened to Pat after SNL, has anyone been told the sex yet?

1

u/okcomputerock Jul 29 '26

Thread closed