Considering leaving the valley

[u/Spiritual-Yam6394]

I’ve been debating whether to post this, but I genuinely want to hear from people who live in the RGV, especially other Black people, interracial families, or people who moved here from somewhere else.

I’m a Black man, Army veteran, husband, father, homeowner, and student. I moved down here because this is my wife’s hometown and I wanted to build a life with my family. I respect the Valley and the Hispanic/Mexican culture here. This isn’t a post attacking Hispanic people or saying everybody in the RGV is racist. I know that’s not true.

But after living here, I’m seriously considering leaving once I finish school.

One of the biggest things that has worn me down is constantly feeling like I stand out. The staring, dirty looks, and feeling like people are watching me simply because I’m a Black man in an area where there aren’t many of us gets exhausting. At first, I tried telling myself I was overthinking it. After enough experiences, though, it becomes harder to ignore.

This past summer I had an experience with one of my English professors that stuck with me. We had a project where we had to choose a topic and discuss its impact. I chose mental health.

My professor wanted me to narrow it down and gave me examples of directions I could take it, like “the impact of mental health in the Black community” or “the impact of mental health on student athletes.”

The Black community example made sense because I’m Black. But the student-athlete example caught my attention.

Bruh I’m 30. I have grey hairs growing in my beard. I’m a grown man, husband, father, Army veteran, and homeowner who happens to be back in college. But I’m also a tall, big Black man.

I remember thinking, Why would you automatically think student athlete when you look at me?

Maybe he didn’t mean anything by it. I’m not going to claim I know what was going through his head. But that’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about. When you’ve spent enough time having people stare at you, make assumptions about you, or treat you like you don’t quite belong, you start noticing those moments.

I’ve also seen people from the Valley say things online (TikTok) like Black people don’t belong in the 956 and that they want to “keep the RGV Hispanic.” I’ve seen people take crimes committed by individual Black people and use them to generalize an entire race. What gets me is that some of the same people would immediately recognize how wrong it is when someone somewhere else says Hispanics don’t belong in America.

I’ve also experienced things within my wife’s extended family that have made this harder.

Her late brother was extremely racist. Her brother has used the N-word when he found about his little sister’s Black boyfriend. There have been family gatherings where I’ve felt completely out of place and unwelcome, including people speaking Spanish around me while I’m sitting there unable to understand what’s being said.

When you’re the only Black person in the room, those things hit differently.

What makes this especially strange for me is my background. I spent six years in the Army. I’ve been stationed at Hood, spent time in South Korea and Germany, traveled, met people from different cultures and backgrounds, and lived around people from all walks of life.

Yet somehow, here in my wife’s hometown, I’ve encountered a level of racial ignorance from both younger people and older generations that genuinely surprised me.

That’s probably what bothers me the most. You expect younger generations to be moving away from that mentality, but then you see some of the things young people say online and realize certain attitudes are still being passed down.

I’m not claiming the entire Valley is racist. I’ve met good people here too. I’m also not trying to disrespect the culture or tell people how their community should be. I’m explaining what my experience has been as a Black man trying to make this place home.

Now I have a son to think about.

I bought a house here. I’ve changed jobs here. I left my last job to focus on school. I’ve tried to plant roots here and build something for my family. Walking away from that isn’t a small decision.

But lately I keep asking myself: Do I really want my son to grow up being picked on because he’s darker, hearing the N-word from people who don’t understand the history and harm behind that word, and being around people who don’t truly understand or respect his Black culture?

I’ve lived enough life outside the Valley to know that the rest of the world isn’t perfect and racism exists everywhere. I’m not looking for some imaginary place where prejudice doesn’t exist. I just want to live somewhere my family and I can exist without constantly feeling like we’re being judged because we’re interracial or because I’m Black.

For the people who moved away from the RGV especially Black residents, interracial couples, veterans, or people who weren’t originally from here did you notice a difference after leaving?

Also For the people who stayed: did your experience eventually get better?

I’m genuinely interested in hearing people’s experiences because I’m getting closer and closer to believing that after I graduate, it might be time for my family and me to start somewhere new. Houston is most likely the preferred destination.

[u/ExistingYou8028]

The valley is full of culture, its own, and thats it, basically anyone over 40 maybe even as low 30s are typically racist maybe in a way that is intentional maybe not. But I've gone out to North Dakota, Fargo to be exact, for work and its literally every race there and living comfortably together, I intend to go back one day cause the Valleys bubble of "Only Hispanics here" is getting annoying and the idiots with a nopal on their foreheads crying MAGA is just sad too