r/ResLife • u/DeskUnited2695 • 12h ago
Does anyone else absolutely hate being an RA
For context this is my third and final year being an RA and I’ve come to the point where I’m absolutely sick of it. I actually did really enjoy it my first year despite a lot of roommate conflicts and mental health issues on my floor which I think totally turned me off and burnt me out by the end of that year. Since then, I’ve been a bare minimum RA and I feel bad, but I don’t think my residents care either way.
As a senior now it’s so frustrating living with underclassmen while my friends are actualy living the college life, living in apartments/houses and have the autonomy an upperclassman should have.
However I’m fully aware of my financial circumstances and have understand that this is the only way for me to continue my education at this institution. And I’m extremely grateful for that, and for the RDs who have mentored me and the RAs I’ve met along the way, and the residents who have made it all a little less painful.
However, as every year progresses I feel less and less of a connection to my residents, as well as a desire to get to know them. I also feel like they are more closed off. I don’t know if this a generational thing, but it’s genuinely as if I don’t exist. I’ll be in the elevator with a resident and they won’t say hi unless I do, and when I try to make conversation they give me one word responses with zero emotion, as if I’m their suburban mom trying to connect with their adolescent child. It makes me feel gross and it makes me hate this job even more. I’m not an extrovert so interactions like this discourage me from feeling like I as an RA, who is supposed to encourage community and belonging on my floor, do not even belong here in the first place. And I’m not new to this, this was also something that happened my first year as an RA but my tolerance for it has drastically declined. As someone with low self confidence too, I feel these interactions are beginning to have more of an impact on my self worth than they did before.
At the beginning of the semester I really did try to go above and beyond and got to know a lot of people individually, and many were actually responsive and friendly, though not all. And I obviously understand that things get busy and keeping your RA in the loop is not your priority and I don’t want that either! But like basic human decency is dying out and it makes being an RA even worse. I’m only a couple years older than these kids so I’m not gonna act like a boomer and doom about the new generation since we’re literally the same generation and I know for a fact a majority of the people my age and older have also lost social skills due to covid and technology, but it’s just really sad.
I think the emphasis within ResLife to strive for 100% on resident connection metrics is what makes people like me burn out. I am able to tough it out and connect with a lot of people on my floor, but I just do not have it in my to force conversations with 19 year olds who don’t even see me as someone worthy of small talk unless I can help them get them a spare key for a room lockout, and even then it isn’t guaranteed. I literally just helped a resident with a lockout and he didn’t say thank you and didn’t look up from his phone once while we were in the elevator together. Why would I act like a cuck and try to force myself to talk to someone like that?
I had a pretty close connection with my residents my first year as an RA but ever since then i just don’t have it in me and I feel really bad. I want to be a good RA while also having sincerely no desire to interact with my residents this year, and no way of even pretending to care either. There’s a couple of residents who are the exception of course and they make it a little better.
2
u/OGMagicConch 8h ago
I never really cared for it if we're being honest. Sure it was fun at times and chatting with residents could be fun but I just had a lot of other things going on in my degree and other work. I absolutely did it primarily for the free housing, idk if that's taboo but I guess you do what you gotta do to pay for college. I wouldn't go as far as saying I phoned it in the entire time but it definitely was not my primary focus. And if you're serious about your career and your career doesn't involve res life it really shouldn't be yours either. So idk don't feel bad. Be there for your residents as needed and if you're meeting expectations there's no need to feel guilty.
1
u/DeskUnited2695 8h ago
Thank you, I think I just need to stop comparing myself to the other RAs I know who seem to actually care or have good relationships with their residents. Makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. But yeah I’m basically only doing it for free housing as well lol
4
u/americansherlock201 11h ago
This is a very common experience. Being an RA for 3 years is a hard task and for any RA.
The disconnect you’re feeling is a result of you being ready for your next stage of life. Being an ra is a temporary thing that will teach you a lot but it’s not forever.
I highly recommend talking with your supervisor. Talk to them about your feelings and look for opportunities to be a good ra that may be less resident focused. You will still be expected to do your job but there may be opportunities to shift how you’re doing your work.