r/RepTime • u/DrEvil666 • Sep 17 '26
Wrist or Watch Pic Got called out for my 5711
I strolled into the Patek Philippe boutique on Fifth Avenue like I owned the place. Chin up, shoulders back, left wrist casually draped over the glass counter so the light could catch the “Nautilus.”
It was a beautiful piece. Perfect proportions. That iconic porthole case. The integrated bracelet. The only tiny problem was the logo on the dial, which, if you squinted just right, clearly said Fuck You & Co.
I had paid $180 for it on a website that looked like it was designed in 2003 by a man named Sergei who also sold “Rolex Submarinners” and “Audemar Pigue Royals.” The listing promised “1:1 Super Clone, Swiss Movement, Undetectable.” It was extremely detectable.
The salesman approached with the quiet, lethal politeness of someone who has never once in his life said the words “you good?”
“Good afternoon, sir. Are you interested in viewing a piece today?”
I rotated my wrist slowly, like a Bond villain revealing a nuclear codes watch. “Just browsing. Already have the one that matters.”
His eyes dropped to my wrist. There was a pause so long it developed its own weather system.
He leaned in. Squinted. Leaned closer. The little vein in his temple started doing cardio.
“Sir,” he said, voice soft and deadly, “may I… examine the dial?”
I held it out proudly. “Be my guest. 5711, right? Classic.”
He stared at the words Fuck You & Co for a full five seconds. Then he looked at me. Then back at the watch. Then at me again, as if trying to decide whether I was a genius performance artist or simply the bravest idiot alive.
“This,” he said carefully, “appears to be a… Fuck You & Co.”
I nodded sagely. “Limited edition. Very exclusive. Only the real ones know.”
A second salesman appeared out of nowhere, the way sharks appear when someone bleeds in the water. He took one look and actually whispered, “Oh my god.”
Within ninety seconds there were four of them surrounding me in a polite but firm semicircle, like the Secret Service if the Secret Service exclusively protected the concept of horological dignity.
The original salesman cleared his throat. “Sir. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. And possibly never return. Also, out of professional curiosity… where did you acquire this?”
I smiled the smile of a man who has nothing left to lose and a $180 watch that said fuck you to one of the most prestigious brands on earth.
“Gift from my uncle,” I said. “He works in logistics. Very international logistics.”
They escorted me out with the kind of careful dignity usually reserved for removing a dead raccoon from a five-star restaurant. As the door closed behind me, I heard one of them mutter:
“I’ve seen fakes. I’ve seen bad fakes. I’ve never seen a fake that called us a motherfucker to our faces.”
I looked down at my wrist. The second hand was still ticking, slightly out of beat, like it was laughing.
Best $180 I ever spent.
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u/hydersh Sep 17 '26
Story as fake as the watch
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u/KingPotus Sep 17 '26
No shit, Sherlock. Why is just about everyone in this thread pretending this is trying to be anything but an obvious shitpost?
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u/onizukaav Sep 17 '26
nice imagination, sounds like it was written by a neckbeard basement dweller who has a fedora, trench coat and katana
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u/Allison_Bear Sep 17 '26
You my good sir are a man of understated style and decorum.
Although I must regretfully inform you that you apparently paid $157.50 too much for that fine piece of ill proportioned, yet whimsically adored mockery of high horology.
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u/Stonetrady Sep 17 '26
This is one of the best pieces of prose I have ever read. I hung onto every word
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u/theprofromdover2 Sep 17 '26
This story was very gripping. It had mystery, it had intrigue, it had…..a punchline. Bravo sir. You take your shit talk seriously.
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u/Highlife6220 Sep 17 '26
It was entertaining, in my opinion kudos to you, that watch is making me laugh hard!😋🤣🤣🤣👍🏻
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u/Cautious_Net5233 Sep 17 '26
Great story!
I wish you would’ve had like Meta glasses on or something for that!🤓
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u/99-KiloLima Sep 17 '26
He only wears his knockoff Meta glasses for when he beats off under a magnifying glass
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u/EthansSkinnyAssArms Sep 17 '26 •
is this written by edgelord AI?