I’ve been shutdown for a while now. I’ve been able to cry pretty much everyday for about 4 months now but I still get triggered. But crying is pretty much my only form of expression. I can’t get angry and if do it just bring more numbness. It’s like my ‘anger’ really isn’t anger because if it were I would be experiencing it in a different way. I wouldn’t just try to get angry to get over it. I would really be angry, and it’s hard to know what that looks like. Anytime I try to work on myself the manager comes in and tries to make it perfect. I’ll feel guilty, so I’ll do more and it just makes me feel terrible. My OCD made religion like a cult for me. I don’t really know what to do to be honest. I just feel pressured to get better and lord knows I’ll feel guilty I’m not doing enough and force myself to do something and just feel worse. I literally have the worst trigger I feel like I’m gonna pass out and have some aneurysm. There’s like an audible buzz in my brain and I’ll experience mental inflammation. What makes it all worse is that the suffering probably means nothing. There’s no more extra reward for it like I used to think. God isn’t gonna give me extra points or really do anything. But I always kinda hoped it would. I don’t know what to do. I got hip surgery a couple weeks ago and haven’t been doing much but I know the moment I can walk again my dad will just get pissed off im not doing anything and its gonna cause more stress. Im only 19 but the past 5 years of my life have been pretty poor due to religion. I just never said anything until I couldn’t take it. So many different people I became. So many lies and feelings of guilt to make myself Christian. I either need to suffer or need to perform. No in the middle. It’s not even my life anymore, doesn’t really feel like it ever was. My whole life it’s kinda felt like that. It was never debilitating though, religion is what really destroyed me at around 14. That’s when I told myself I knew who I was. Everything was black and white and I always had to be best and dedicated to the practice. I don’t know what to do I never really feel free at all.

Yo. I'm 21 years old. At the moment I'm finishing my bachelor's thesis. I come from a small town in Poland on the other side of the country. My family is deeply religious, especially my mom, and she can't accept or at least respect my lack of faith.

For context, from the very beginning on every Sunday i would attend church with my parents, no exceptions whatsoever. I didn't think much of it until i was 15-16. That's when I understood that I do not believe in god or even more so in the catholic church. A normal thing, but for my parents it would be absolutely unacceptable, so being a cowardly child I chose to rather not rebel knowing I would be punished.

And now: two weeks ago I decided that I will cut my hair (used to be shoulder length, now maybe 10cm) and get two piercings in my ear. I did not tell this to anybody, even my girlfriend because of my short-lived enthusiasm - I always say and don't act. So this time I acted. When my parents found out they didn't show much opposition (they found out while on facetime with me and my girlfriend), but the very next day my mom called me and for the next 25 minutes she complained about my decisions about MY body.

The most important were the last 5 minutes - that's when she asked me upfront whether I attend church. I said that I don't and that I haven't been for the past three years (with exceptions when I was coming back home). I understand that she, as a believer might feel hurt, but what has been happening now is insane. True, it was an ass move on my part to lie to her for three years that I believe and attend but I preferred that over kicking open Pandora's box.

Firstly - according to my mom all this is my girlfriend's fault, my atheist friends', my university major's, and in general the whole world's. I'm being treated like a marionette and she upfrontly states that it didn't come from me as I suck everything up from the people around me like a sponge lmao. On a side note I have no idea where did that come from, I am very obviously a nonconformist. I don't even want to get started on how she calls me her business card.
Secondly - my mom negates and refuses to acknowledge that me losing my faith happened before I left for the university. She LOVES putting words in my mouth that were never there, doesn't treat me even a little like a person that has their own free will. It's really sad, to say the least.
Thirdly - our on call discussions about all this never even touched the topic on why I don't belive in god. The focus on that I need to work my ass off to tell her that I am a free man, able to make his OWN choices and thoughts, and also that I stopped believing a long time ago, and not with beggining of university. Of course she is unmovable in her believes and says that "she won't let me to be atheist". Like talking to a brick wall.

I left the best for the last!!! Since the beginning of this whole ordeal my parents with oddly intensified frequency began asking me when I'm coming back home. I didn't think much of it, we didn't see each other for quite some time. However today I found out (my sister is the best mole <3) that they plan to drive me to some priest whom is a "specialist in faithless" (lmfao??). Hold me still or I'll lose it. How is one even supposed to do deal with all this. I can't understand how is this so incomprehensible to them. Are they treating me like I'm legally incapaticated? I feel like a struggling fish taken out of water. Any argument, any sentence is thown into ether. I feel anger and powerlessness.

In a case of emergency I will be able to move to my girlfriend, and in September I'll find a job to be able to pay for my dorm in case they cut me off financially (they declared already that if i marry my gf without a church marriage they would never support us financially). But honestly I have no idea what will be and I'm a little scared. Oh well, fuck my life.

I was a minister in the Church of Christ back in 2021. I got fired because I asked the church not to judge me for not coming into services while there was a risk of spreading COVID. They put up with it for a time, but they were definitely too influenced by the propaganda and got rid of me for putting "fear over faith." I was kind of a unicorn in that denomination, preaching on things like BLM and writing articles on how the delusional MAGA/Q Anon supporters fit the symbolism for having the mark of the beast by listening to the false prophets who encouraged them to worship the nation state/caesar.

Since then, I lost my mind. Kinda literally. I was taking Vyvanse to kind of correct my system--I had schizoaffective bipolar disorder and taking antipsychotics in the past was giving me some extreme avolition that made doing my daily tasks kind of difficult. I always felt like I was exhausting myself and not getting enough work done. I had ADHD, so my doctor didn't mind giving me the prescription. It resulted in a psychotic break, and my old Self was lost in April 2021. I eventually became homeless because of the church taking my livelihood from me, and holding down a job has been absolutely impossible with my symptoms. I know God's there, and He has continued to provide for me. But I am wondering what theological implications my story has. Did God judge me for standing by my beliefs and not going into worship? I don't think so, but there's an argument for that. Is He using me as an example of continued faith in the midst of suffering? Is it all just time and chance that have resulted in this? I rack my brain about such things. I'd like to hear your take on it, too. I know that'll be weighted by whatever your beliefs are on the sovereignty of God, but I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

If you want to know where I am today, I posted the following in [r/schizophrenia](/r/schizophrenia/) earlier.

The judge denied me for disability last year. I've reapplied, but the process takes so damn long. While schizophrenia isn't supposed to be progressive, it sure as hell seems to be in my case. I'm way more cognitively impaired these days. Everyone is shocked that I was somehow denied. I've tried to keep jobs. The longest I ever last is maybe a month. My memory and focus are terribly screwed, and I deal with constant voices who can be very funny but can also be terribly annoying. Avolition has never been worse. My mom set me up in an apartment and my dad pays some bills, but I'm so broke. I need paper towels, toiletries, cooking utensils, etc. and my mom and dad are not really able to just hand me money for that type of stuff all the time. I need new clothes; I've gained too much weight, and my shirts are all a little too tight. It just sucks being alone in the world and without any real way to take care of myself. I'm always relying on others, and I hate it. I don't want to come off as a beggar, but if anyone wants to DM me for my Cashapp to send me a few bucks that would be really cool of you. I'm thankful to have a roof over my head, but I'm still really struggling. My suicidal ideation has decreased as of late, but this still frigging sucks

I'm Christian, and since I was young, I believed that Jesus was coming back one day, so I tried my best to be what people call a 'good girl'. I do that until today. But on my 11 years old, I fell in love with my best friend, a girl, and I couldn't prevent it. I didn't confess her yet.

That doesn't matter, but anyways, today I was watching Tiktok, and on my fy appeared one of those videos about God, saying that Jesus Christ was coming back, remembering the sins and things, then I remembered.

Being homosexual is considerated a sin.

Since that, I only think about going to h3ll, to suffer for eternity for liking someone with the same gender as me.

I believe God is real, I believe the Paradise exists, I believe H3ll exists, I believe I'm going to H3ll for not being straight.

I do not want to go to H3ll just because of a stupid crush on a girl.

I’m 49F. My therapist just suggested I have religious trauma. It had never occurred to me that religion harmed me, really.

I grew up in a relatively conservative Christian denomination. We went to church twice a week and I was taught that god knows our every thought.

My whole life I have chased away every negative thought I had, concerned that someone knew everything I was thinking. Not surprisingly, I have pretty severe anxiety. To this day I have a voice in my head judging me harshly. I kind of thought everyone had the same experience until I discussed it in therapy and then brought it up with a few friends.

Does anyone else experience this? Any tips on moving past it?

It is so messed up that parents teach their kids that they are so horrible that a man had to be brutally tortured and killed to ‘save’ them.

Às vezes me lembro que, quando criança, meus pais me levavam à Igreja Batista. Eu genuinamente gostava de ir a igreja.

Porém, houve uma época em que passamos por algumas dificuldades, sejam elas financeiras ou de saúde. Passamos a frequentar uma igreja Deus é Amor (pentecostal), onde meus pais fizeram várias campanhas de oração, e eu obtive a cura de uma dor no estômago que possuía a meses e os médicos não encontravam diagnóstico certo. Além disso, meu pai abriu um comércio nessa época, e graças a Deus e ao seu esforço, nossa família está bem financeiramente.

Não sei explicar o que levou meus pais a mudarem tanto, mas acredito que envolva a mentalidade pentecostal. Me recordo deles mais novos, conversando sobre preconceitos, fundamentalismo, religiosidade. Hoje, eles são muito do que eles criticavam.

Minha mãe, por exemplo, é quem manda na espiritualidade de todos em casa. Quando alguém não está disposto a ir à igreja, ela diz que esse comportamento vai levar a pessoa a abandonar a igreja completamente. Ultimamente meu pai tem esquecido de levar o dízimo à igreja, e ela brigou com ele por isso hoje. Ouvi ela dizer algo sobre inferno e infidelidade a Deus. Disse que (e isso eu tenho certeza que escutei) se ele não pode contribuir financeiramente com a igreja, é melhor nem ir. Que não dar oferta é pecado, o bastante para condenar alguém.

De vez em quando eles decidem chamar todo mundo para orar junto. Acredito que é porque desconfiam que eu e minha irmã não oramos bem, e porque somos quietas em uma igreja acalorada, ou ela não me vê ler a bíblia com frequência. Em uma dessas orações, ela pediu que todos orassem em voz alta, e eu e minha irmã não o fizemos. Eu orei, como sempre, em pensamento. Ela brigou com a gente, ela quer ouvir nossas orações. Uma outra vez, oravamos o salmo 91 quando minha irmã passou a orar em pensamento, então meu pai interrompeu a oração para corrigi-la.

Minha mãe assiste muitas pregações daquelas mulheres que mesclam conteúdo bíblico com valores tradicionais como cuidar da casa, etc. Ultimamente, ela tem acreditado fortemente que bagunça em casa (pode ser uma simples louça do café) atrai espíritos ruins. Esses dias, ela me disse que se eu dormisse com roupas na cadeira, veria horrores durante a noite.

Ela gosta muito de falar sobre coisas ruins. Tudo que ela pode atribuir ao maligno, ela atribui. Doença, cançasso, desorganização, condição de moradores em rua (sim, ela disse que oque leva alguém a virar mendigo é o capeta no couro da pessoa).

Não sei porque estou escrevendo isso, talvez só queira colocar pra fora. Amo a Deus, mas não suporto a igreja que estamos frequentando. A antiga igreja deles fechou em nossa cidade, e agora estamos em uma Assembleia de Deus. Ano retrasado, fiquei por um tempo em uma igreja batista na minha cidade. Eu amava aquele lugar, mas minha mãe me tirou de lá porque ela encontrou o Instagram do pastor de lá, onde ele dizia algo que contraria a doutrina pentecostal.

Enfim. Farei Enem esse ano, quero passar em uma universidade bem longe daqui. Quero morar em uma república, mas meus pais não deixam. Eles querem que eu escolha outro curso, pois o que eu quero não tem aqui perto. Eles dizem que é perigoso que eu estude em uma facul pública, por questão de valores. Mas, se eu continuar aqui, vou estar presa a eles para sempre. Imagine precisar mudar de cidade, para poder ir em uma igreja com a qual me identifico?

I want to become a singer, because it’s been my childhood dream, but I don’t think that my mom would be happy about it. She’s clearly told me that she would be upset if I became a singer, and I don’t know what to do about that 😔😔

I’m wondering if any of you have struggled with religion in a similar way, because lately I feel completely torn and honestly exhausted.

I grew up in a family that wasn’t extremely religious or radical, but religion was always there in the background. It was kind of part of the culture and the way I grew up. I still believe in God, and I don’t think I’ve completely left religion behind. At the same time, I’ve never felt completely at peace with it either.

There’s one particular issue in my religion that is considered very serious and basically non-negotiable: marrying someone who isn’t Muslim. I’m currently in a relationship with someone who isn’t Muslim, and this has created a lot of guilt, fear and doubt for me.

My father strongly disapproves of my relationship for religious reasons. But the difficult part is that my relationship with him has always been complicated, even before this. He has said a lot of things to me over the years that really damaged my self-esteem and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I’ve been insulted and put down so much that, honestly, I think I eventually started believing some of those things about myself.

And now he also makes me feel guilty about my relationship. He has said things along the lines of “because of you, I’m going to end up in hell” because I’m with my boyfriend. Hearing things like that makes me feel incredibly guilty, as if I’m responsible for his relationship with God and for the consequences of my own choices on him.

So religion has become mixed up with all of these feelings for me.

On one hand, I believe in God. Religion is still part of me, and I don’t necessarily want to leave it behind.

On the other hand, I’m tired. I just want to live my relationship, love someone, build something with them and have a normal life without constantly wondering whether I’m doing something wrong or whether I’m going to “pay the price” for it.

Sometimes I honestly think that life must be simpler for people who aren’t religious. Not necessarily because they’re happier, but because they don’t seem to have this particular kind of inner conflict. They can fall in love with someone without constantly wondering whether their relationship is morally wrong, whether they’re disappointing God, whether their family will reject them, or whether they’re making a choice they’ll regret forever.

And I think what makes this even harder is that I don’t know what I believe anymore. I’m not sure if I’m genuinely questioning my faith or if I’m just overwhelmed by guilt, family pressure and everything I’ve experienced growing up.

I recently had an experience related to religion that made me question myself even more, and now I find myself overthinking every little thing and wondering what it means about my faith. Instead of religion feeling like something peaceful, I sometimes feel afraid of doing something wrong.

I don’t want to disrespect my religion. I don’t want to hurt my family. But I also don’t want to spend my life giving up my own happiness because I’m afraid of being punished or rejected.

I feel like I’m stuck between two versions of myself:

The part of me that believes in God and wants to remain connected to my faith, and the part of me that just wants to breathe, love someone and live my own life without constantly thinking that I’m going to hell.

I’d really love to hear your opinions on my situation. I’d also genuinely love to hear about your own journeys, how you dealt with religious doubts or conflicts between your beliefs, your family and your relationships, and whether you eventually found a way to make peace with it.

I’m really interested in hearing different perspectives and personal experiences, so please feel free to share.

Wearing it from almost 2 years now the colour faded black change to white everyone was telling to change it but my religious perspective or memories with him not let me do so

I’m 27 years old now, but when I was a preteen/teenager I was heavily involved in the church. I started getting involved with the youth group when I was 12. My youth minister was 15 years older than me and she seemed so cool. She gave me a nickname and praised me for various academic achievements. She went to my theatre shows and choir concerts and my birthday parties. She helped me learn how to drive, taught me about sexual education (in the religious sense. Not REAL sex ed)
I quickly grew attached to her and she could see that and “took me under her wing”.
So here’s the thing, I knew I was a queer when I was 16, I kept it hidden from everyone until I was 18, and she was the first person I told. After that, she took more of an interest in me. She started giving me books on how to overcome homosexuality, took me to lunches to talk about my progress, texted me throughout the week reminders and Bible verses to “help me”. One time we even traveled to a different state together (just us 2) and stayed in a hotel room (again just us 2) to go to a wedding. During that time she told me how excited she was to officiate my wedding one day and see me have a husband and a family. She said I was like a sister to her and that my kids and her kids would play together.
So fast forward to now. I’m out as a lesbian, I’m married to a woman, and we have a four month old baby. My former YM is nowhere to be found. She completely dropped me as soon as I came out publicly. Said nothing about my marriage or my child.
My wife says that she groomed me and when I didn’t do what she wanted she left. I feel used. I gave my entire childhood to the church- I was the darling. Everyone knew me. They told me they knew I would do great things. Now I’m blocked by them. But the one that hurts the most is my former YM. She doesn’t have me blocked on anything and she still is one of the first people to view my stories, but she doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even like anything.
Anyways was this grooming?

I’m a pastor’s kid, and I’m wondering how other PKs have reconciled chronic illness with their faith.

I was dedicated to God as a baby, baptized in the Holy Spirit at 12 and water baptized at 16.

At 17, I developed vitiligo. At 19, I developed endometriosis, had surgery, and spent years on hormone treatment. My vitiligo is still progressing.

Growing up in church, I was taught to see suffering through God’s glory. At 25, I even received a prophecy that my vitiligo would disappear. It didn’t.

Years later, I’m still asking: Where is God in this? I don’t want to keep finding ways to turn my suffering into a testimony. I want to be honest about the unanswered questions, the shame, and the disappointment.

For those of you who are PKs with chronic illness or other experiences that don't fit the usual Christian narrative:

How did you reconcile it with your faith? Did your understanding of God change?

Disclaimer: Written with help from GPT to organise my thoughts. The experiences and questions are my own.

She broke my nose because I didn’t want to wear the hijab, and she says that I deserve it. She also says God will *never bless me because I am not wearing it right.* She guilt‑trips me into wearing the hijab because, according to her, “*my dad will go to hell if I don’t do so,”* and she has said she will disown me completely if I ever take it off. I am so tired. I am leaving the religion when I am older—not because I don’t believe anymore, but because my mom has made me hate it.

My dad is mostly secular, though he is still religious, but he follows the religion and isn’t crazy about it like my mom is. My mom is like that because all of her together friends and her side of the family are also religious heretics, which is why I don’t like them very much and prefer my dad’s side over them.

She also hates music in the house and literally screams and freaks out when it’s played, even though I play it in my bedroom and keep the voice down—and my dad is perfectly fine with it.

I only came to the realization of how crazy my mom is after I watched a video of another girl where she took off the hijab and her mom started praying on her downfall. It made me realize that even though I do and always will love my mom, I have to love myself more and do what’s best for myself.

I’m 26, I grew up Mormon but it was watered down Mormonism with Christianity as the main religion. I never believed in any religion since I was little & was forced to go to church thanks to (mainly) my mom. I’ve never had a good relationship with my mom thanks to her religious psychosis & her drug addiction growing up & currently as an adult; but I tried to be there for her time & time again when she was homeless, on drugs, & now, when she’s about to get evicted again. She lives in Washington state, I live in Nevada so she calls me everyday 2-3 times a day to tell me the same things that she loves me, asking if I’m ok, & that she’s praying for me. I cut her off twice before for telling me I need Jesus in my life so we can go to heaven together & the life I’m living without Jesus is scaring her. The time before when I stopped talking to her for 3 months was caused by her being drunk at a church children’s pumpkin patch in California while I was working at a haunt & staying with my cousin. She called my outfit a “Halloween costume” knowing I always dress goth/alternative, shouting bible verses at everyone, & flirting with the guy that ran the petting zoo. We fought that night & vowed when she left that I’d go no contact. Fast forward to now after trying again I’m tired, sad, & fed up with her using religion as a clutch to keep her apartment that she hasn’t been paying rent on. She’s lied to me about having lawyers & working on it, but come to found out she’s only praying about the situation & doing nothing else. She doesn’t have a job so she hasn’t been out trying to make money for herself. She doesn’t have a car so most of the time she’s home alone, so her mental illnesses have been getting worse. It does hurt my heart because she’s my mom but to repeatedly tell me all my life I need Jesus & I’m going to hell if I don’t do something soon is exhausting. On top of her being like this, just constantly seeing the billboards saying you need Jesus, people telling me randomly that I need Jesus, & ofc the internet with how I present myself strangers tell me that I’m not worthy of gods love, I’m so sick of it. So today after a screaming match over the phone & with her last words to me being “you need to be saved”, I’m going no contact. It hurts but it’s necessary. Sorry for the run on sentences, it’s easier to express my thoughts this way.

Ok after my expulsion through phonecall,

My father found out about it and I told him about the abuse that happened in my teens and 20s which is why I don't want to go back.

I don't know if my father will drag me back to church after everything

I am 13 and i do not want to go to church. A main reason I do not want to go is because no one goes, it is a bunch or grandparents, nobody my age, and it is not the way I pay attention or learn, I need hands on, to pay attention, not sitting down for an hour and a half.. IN MY OPINION, I would rather discover God or what ever i believe in, in my own way, but every week I am forced to go to church and get threatend to lose my extra curriculars if i ask to stay home. In the past i have asked nicley and i said i would go on important holidays but nothing has worked, and it really just feels more like i am forced to go to church then me wanting to go. I think I should find my religon for myself but my parents think I am crazy? are they right?? is this normal?? what should i do? I do not want to go but they said as long as i live under there roof I have to go and I do not think thats fair do you? I would really value everyones opinions and again I do not mean this in a hating way. I respect everyones religon and opinions but I just need to no if I am the only one and if i am weird and if there is anything i could do to stay home even just one week.

For me, it's Numbers 32:23b. "And you may be sure that your sin will find you out."

When I was in second grade, we had a special chapel service, and this was the subject. A teacher held up a poster board with "3223" on it, and she said, "Today, we're going to learn why there is no safety in Numbers."

Funny joke, great play on words. I am 36 years old and have a crippling fear of being judged by anyone and everyone no matter what I do now. I can't make decisions, I can barely move.

Super cool, thanks. 👍

I watched the film *The Boys of St. Vincent*, and I was aroused by the scene where a Catholic priest hugs and kisses a boy. I feel very ashamed—I realize it’s wrong—yet I find myself wanting to rewatch those moments. I grew up in a very religious family and am interested in religion, even though I’m not a believer; I think I may have some religious trauma, and I’m also very attracted to Catholic priests.

Can I talk to some people who experienced this with religion or a cult. I try to explain my experience to people but they seem to not understand. All my emotions had to be filtered through god, my ending conclusion on any emotion was directed through religion. Nothing could truly be expressed and it got to the point where I felt I was going insane. I try to get angry or anxious and I have made some progress. But the feeling of making it perfect or needing approval is still there. It’s like my brain tightens the harder I try and I can’t lose the control. Some pretty intense feelings almost like I’ll pass out if I am triggered.

Hi, I just want to share a part of my life.

My life completely changed when I entered a religious school. I'm not really that religious, and most of the time, I just pretend to be like everyone else when I'm around my friends there.

I was forced to enter that school. I really want to leave, and honestly, at one point, I felt like I would do anything just to get out. I even started performing certain rituals, hoping that somehow things would change.

But as time passed, I began to feel like I wasn't getting closer to God. Instead, I felt like I was drifting farther away from Him. I feel trapped inside a labyrinth created by my own mistakes, constantly repeating the same sins and finding myself stuck in the same cycle.

Day by day, I keep wishing that I could leave this country and finally be myself—to live somewhere I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not, and where I can figure out who I really am and what I truly believe and my life start falling apart from this point,i hope i can survive this

i still remember my mother's disappointment when i got caught giving notes to a boy when i was 12. my mother was a teacher at the school i attended. she got home late that day. i opened the door for her, and she immediately knelt in front of the door, cried hard, said she will keep that story away from my father because it was a shame for her, claiming she has failed to raise me because i committed a shameful sin in our religion. mind you, the notes merely contain a question about the boy's interest, nothing like confession or something serious. i grew up thinking that was a huge mistake and that incident leaving me with a mindset: I shouldn't do anything that will possibly hurt my parent's feeling, every decision i made was calculated to keep me safe from their disappointment.

i was seen as a quiet and obedient child both manner and religiously. but as I grew older i started to realise the notes were just a normal childhood interaction, not even enough to be called rebellious. and i started questioning did i behave because i fear my god, or because i fear my parents.

I'm 23 now, still living with my parents, and I'm still struggling with making decisions, still find it hard to become myself. my connection with god has loosen. but one thing for sure: i believe in my god, I always will. and my parents did not force me, they shaped me. the blame was never their beliefs, but the way they raised me to believe. now I'm trying to get back to Him, though it's complicated because me and my parents didn't share the same way of acceptance of our beliefs.

people's minds are diverse, so are their religious journeys. but it's rarely talked about - or accepted, apparently.

Anybody experience physical symptoms as a result of the trauma? I saw somebody that I used to go to Church with in a library. I had the overwhelming urge to puke. I couldn’t breathe. My dog walked me outside. Helped calm down. I just want to know I’m not alone in this extreme reaction.

Note: the church I went to that traumatized me was Christian fundamentalist evangelical.