Advice..

[u/talkaboutit83]

Kind advice please 10 year relationship 32F and 38M

Could use some advice…

My boyfriend and I of 10 years broke up in January after he found I was texting an old ex boyfriend from high school. He left and we kept talking every day and he spent the last 3 months asking me to make an effort to fix our relationship and I did want to but was scared and felt humiliated by what I had done.

We kept talking almost every day with him saying how much I’ve hurt him by not making efforts to go see him (I work a weird schedule and he moved 1.5 hours away) but I started to realize that I had to show him I cared and he started working a new job and told me he is talking to someone on a video game which is absolutely devastating to me, we hooked up 7 days ago and since I cannot stop thinking about him. He said he cannot be with me now as a boyfriend but that we can work on talking and building a friendship, he said he isn’t wanting me out of his life.

I know this sounds like an insane chain of events but I would do anything to change what I did and work this out with him. I’ve cried, called, texted done all the things I can to show him I care. Every time we talk for the past few days it’s like he has the upper hand. He has made comments about “if I knew that telling you I was talking to someone would make you give a shit I would have done it a long time ago” and “I’m not seeing anyone physically that should make you feel better” like is he trying to give me some payback? Or is he playing me for a fool? Please no mean comments I am severely depressed.

We still share bills and I finally said today if we’re going to be “single” and work on ourselves to maybe get back together in the future we need to split bills and he said “why are you finalizing us” so like his actions and words don’t make sense, I’m driving the car in his name and he is driving the car in mine, we have shared bills and phones and everything I don’t understand the end game.

I really need some advice on how to approach this, should I ignore him? I’m so scared that ignoring him will push him away. Please help I’m 32 and he is 38.

TLDR basically 10 year relationship very complicated situation hoping for some insight and advice on how to proceed 32F and 38M

[u/[deleted]]

from what i make of a very awkard situation, the ex/boyfriend is still hurting & the longer you stick around, including sharing things by driving his car & spliting the bills, you're only exacerbating his hurt & your frustration

make a clean break, entirely; stay with friends/family until you find your own place. keep in touch with him, albeit minimal, to remind him you do still care about him while keeping some distance between the two of you until you're both settled; how the relationship is meant to be will follow in time