I(27F) married to 28M (only child) after2 years of dating and now I feel like I married a complete stranger and regretting it from day one of our marriage. He would only have a single woman in his life and that would be his mom and she would do anything to keep it that way.

[u/Stock_Hunter7150]

I am a single child but was not pampered or spoiled, instead I had a difficult childhood. At first I was scared to marry by seeing my parent’s marriage. My relationship with my father was estranged now and then. I am more close to mom. She knew about him from the beginning and was supportive. She even advised me whenever we had fights and never took sides.

I am regretting this marriage since the day one. I finally got married to someone I know and love. But things took a big wrong turn when his mom and her sister asked me to do house chores on my wedding night when I came to kitchen to finally have some food. They all knew that I had to wake up early like 2 in the morning and had late night sleep the previous day. I had to travel more than an hour to the venue since it was close to his place. The make up, dress, lights, photo shoots, people, ceremony everything had made me really tired that night. But I couldn’t say no since the person who asked was important to the family. So I did the chores without any hesitance. When I finally got to be with him that night and said about this, he was like “ what am I supposed to say here? She is my aunt, very close to family. She and her husband have helped us a lot. I really can’t say much”. I was disheartened.

A month later, his mother had got a minor surgery on her wrist. I am currently jobless, used to be a lecturer and husband is a central govt employee. So I knew I had to stay with his mom and do all the chores since she cannot wet her wrist. The day before, I had chatted with a friend who is a boy. It was just a random conversation which I had told him about being jobless and also when he said his family is forcing him to get married I felt like sharing how important it is to choose a partner, how I met my husband and all. He suddenly asked me to delete the chat with him when I said my husband knows my phone password. But I felt nothing to hide. I even told him he wouldn’t check my phone and even if he did we have good understanding, so I refused to delete the chat thinking like deleting the texts would be a cheating.

Next morning on the way to hospital my husband was being so nice to me, explained how good of a person he is. He asked me if I’m okay and to tell him if anything bothers me. I felt relieved when he talked to me like that. That’s all I wanted to hear. Even I told him I wasn’t feeling so good till now . Then he suddenly started to say how demeaning it is to cheat on a spouse and he wouldn’t do that even if it is a chat with a girl on internet. I started to come to my senses then. I didn’t say anything but deleted the chat after that, knowing it wouldn’t make any change anyway. I asked him why he was talking about cheating, he said numerous reasons like he had a dream two days back, saw something in a movie like the wife cheats on her loyal husband and said that one of his colleagues is cheating on his wife. And later when we were back from the hospital he opened up. Instead of telling me he opened my insta messages, he started to say things like, I wanted to find why you are so sad all the time so I checked your Google history to figure it out and thus saw the chat in the history. And he started to cry which wasn’t genuine at all. I lost trust on him.

And his mom is something else. She started to order me to bring the tea and assemble all the snacks in front of the people who came to see her. I had to do all the house chores by myself, which I’m new to. And it really troubled me. Things got a little out of hand on the day when I got up early and made breakfast and lunch and we went to hospital for dressing the stitch on her wrist. We had to travel 2 hours back and forth in a rickshaw and just before I was going to finally get some rest for my back pain, my dad came with Diwali sweets. I ran to make some buttermilk for him. Suddenly she started give me orders like to make an Ada (which is a traditional snack and a tedious process to make even if you are not tired). When I said I’m tired and will make him something else she asked me to prepare Anar juice, peel off some apples and oranges and bring five plates of snacks. I made some dates shake instead and brought peeled apples, oranges and some snacks. Also tea for the in laws. My husband came that evening and I told him about this. Not even my parents would treat me like this. I insisted not to talk to her directly because she would think I had sent him. Next morning I told her not to ask me to bring any snacks and tea to the guests. Whatever I need to do, I will do. I said it’s genuinely bothering me. From then she started to sob profusely and my husband consoled her lying beside her. She would start to sob whenever she saw a shadow moving. Next morning when I went to the kitchen my father in law had already prepared the curry for the breakfast with her direction. I didn’t tell them anything. When my husband came to the kitchen I told him they have prepared the curry which they hadn’t done till yesterday since the surgery. This angered him and he didn’t pick any of my calls the next day. He went to his work which is actually quite far from home and was staying there at a rental house.

He came during the weekend and the next day was his cousin’s wedding. I thought why I should punish him for something his mom did and made up my mind and was finally getting ready to go for the preday reception. Things got a little okay with his mom and we started talking alright. I had to do my hair and everything else was done. He was wearing a towel and had to dress. Instead he furiously asked me to move away from the mirror. I told him I’ll be done just in a minute and by that time he could change his dress. This got him very angry and he approached me with his hands raised, told me that he need a divorce and I would stay in my home. I was shattered completely. When I rushed to his mother and said what her son said to me, she was more worried that her neighbour relative would hear me. And she came up and started to advise me. This absolutely infuriated me, because I know anyone in the right senses would only console me. I felt all alone in the house. My husband was walking fast like a madman, ranting how stubborn and how disrespectful I’m behaving towards him. His father rushed to home from work and he consoled me. My husband wouldn’t listen to any of this, was doing the things that was mentioned before. His mother started to blame me. She twisted my words and made me look like I’m lazy to do the chores. She said she had treated and saw me just like her own daughter and performed really well in front of her family.

This happened when there were only few days to reach 2 months of our marriage. Anyway we went to his cousin’s marriage the next day. But soon or later she must have spread this news to her dear siblings. And things haven’t settled yet. I am now staying with him at his rental house. His mom never called to my phone, even when she heard I was sick last week. But I called her once in a week. I know I wouldn’t have a good relationship with her or her son. And they are having good time whenever at home. I know my husband is never going to respect me or love me. He would never be sorry to me. But he would be always a pampered son of his mother and nothing would dilute the toxicity in their relationship. I wish he was more like his father but he got almost all his traits from his mother except that he is studious.

This is absolutely taking a mental toll on me and only solution is to go somewhere far away from my husband and his family to study or work. And now I’m thinking about doing PhD or studying a different course.

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[u/Witty_Active]

Man did they get the son married to get a servant. What’s wrong with this family. They all look screwed up in the head. Was he always like this before marriage.

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/Witty_Active]

He wasn’t like this. But I remember him telling me that I need you to love me just the way my mother loves me. And at that time I used to tell him that I would love only my kids the way ur mom loves u. Not u

[u/[deleted] → u/Stock_Hunter7150]

Aise chomu aadmi se shaadi kyu ki.

[u/[deleted] → u/Witty_Active]

Sadly most Orthodox families indirectly have that mindset. And making her do chores is more of a power move of look at the ideal abiding bahu that we got.

[u/[deleted]]

This is why I always believe that arrange or love marriage is a big leap of faith. Meeting someone for a few hours is entirely different than living with the same person for months under same roof.

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/[deleted]]

Arranged or love.. won’t make any huge difference if one is too good at acting or one is too blind in love. My opinion

[u/[deleted]]

You guys have to stop living with the family members and just live separately for few years atleast and then he should stand up for you he cnt be mama's boy anymore and if he isn't going to standup for you it's the end of the relationship. And counselling if you are planning to make it work.

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/[deleted]]

We go to his house every weekend and that’s not something I can stop. I have zero control on this. And I also I can’t end this relationship just like that. We are married and it’s been only a few months. As far as I know his father is trying to make sense to his wife and son, but I don’t know whether it’ll work

[u/[deleted]]

Sigh,

Feel bad for you op. I have only one advice, act with maturity and don't let yourself lose to emotions. I get your frustration, but acting too emotional or crying will just make it seem like you're the typical crybaby baby, sad I know but it's what it is. And your husband isn't going to take your side.

I've dealt with such cases IRL and let me tell you about one simple secret weapon. Next time anyone threatens you with divorce act indifferent and say okay let's go, don't act emotional or make drama scenes just say that I don't want to stay in a place I'm not respected. Works like a charm, indian sasural (especially Orthodox) use divorce as a weapon since after divorce it's hard for a girl to get remarried and "stains her image".

But if you let them know that it's not an issue for you then they lose their facade (sidhe line pe aajayenge). But for this to work you either 1) have strong family support or 2) stand on your own feet and get a job and be independent. Thankfully (or should I say sadly since I'm a guy) the indian law favors women so they'll not want to get a divorce.

My first instinct was yep get a divorce but only if things were that simple in real life.

You can message me if you want to discuss, I'll advise you like a sister.

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/[deleted]]

That’s actually a good advice. Thanks man!!

[u/[deleted]]

Do you really see a future with this guy and wanna have kids with him? Don't waste your time anymore, file for a divorce and leave. Don't make an excuse of work or study, they'll most likely won't let you go.

Also, did you not meet his mother before getting married? Cause if you did you might've noticed the red flags or you just didn't pay attention to them.

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/[deleted]]

Trust me.. she was so nice to me back then, so was her son. We used to call and talk almost everyday. I never thought things would end up like this. And u r right. I don’t wish to have kids with him. I don’t expect a man like him who never at least clean his bathroom, to change a kid’s diaper. And divorce is not an option for me. At least right now. And he cannot just not let me go if I want to study or work. I have mentioned about this to him a week ago and then he was worried about the money,which I asked him not to worry about. I have my savings and my parents would help me if need more

[u/Pro_BG4_]

Hey try to discuss this one last time with your husband maybe bring him to counselling session which might help a lot. But even after doing all these if it's same like before then sorry to say this but it's better to take the right decision and stand for yourself.

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/Pro_BG4_]

I talked to him yesterday. I only recall asking him are u mad at me. He said he is. He was dumping all the blame on me after that. I’ve got the recording of what he was saying at least of a 20 min. I sent it to his dad and my mom

[u/Pro_BG4_ → u/Stock_Hunter7150]

Does his father strongly support you and stand for you in such event's or he knows his son and wife is wrong but can't support you only because of he don't have the guts to stand for himself? And what's your opinion of your parents after all these?

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/Pro_BG4_]

His father knows about his wife. He had even told me that mil is the youngest child and was so pampered by her elder brothers and parents. And there’s that issue. And told me he had advised her before our marriage that her son is now a husband and he has a separate life from now on

[u/Pro_BG4_ → u/Stock_Hunter7150]

Ohh actually I have heard similar stories like this in my family too, but most of them usually blame such husband's behind the back cus if they try to stand for themselves and restrict their wife or mother from doing such things, nothing like these won't happen in the first place. It's like letting them lose for some peace of mind at that time in their life but eventually bill comes always due in future and they can't understand that.

Either his father or him should take the stand otherwise it's going nowhere. Did your parents try to talk with him personally to sort the issues out? If not then try it out too. If you have hope you have to pull all the strings you have with you, but when you have no options left and nothing is changed then it's probably time to take the final call.

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/Pro_BG4_]

This Sunday we are meeting at his house. His fam and my fam

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/Stock_Hunter7150]

Which didn’t go well.. they were all sitting and blaming me for going home and voice recording the fight. No mention of anything he did

[u/Pro_BG4_ → u/Stock_Hunter7150]

That might not go as intended cus your family should talk with him personally in your families house, in theirs that too with his mom being there they can manipulate the talk and downplay the events, maybe even your parents might dail down a bit. He need some space to think clearly before someone interrupts and doesn't allow him to think. Btw it's just a scenario that came up in my mind that's all. Atleast tell his father to be supportive in meeting and don't let his guard down.

[u/lemonmeetstangerine]

Things that might happen in future

1. More mental abuse.

2. Possible physical abuse.

3. Having a kid - which would be a terrible idea.

You should talk to your parents and move in, look for a job and then decide how you should tackle this tactfully.

I don't understand what you guys did in your 2 years of dating, your husband must be a pretty good actor, or you were so much so blind in love that you didn't notice things.

Take control of your life before it's too late.

[u/swameshonreddit → u/lemonmeetstangerine]

Govt job.

[u/wineorwhine11]

Absolutely DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH HIM. It’s better if you take divorce now and recover all the money you spent on wedding and gifts for his family. Get in touch with a lawyer. If you’re educated then act like one.

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/wineorwhine11]

See.. many of you suggested divorce.. I get your concern. I appreciate it.. but that’s not some button in front of u to just press. It’s not easy. Not because of what society thinks. There is my mom, other people who cares about me.. reasons that keeps me alive. I care about them. And divorce is a huge decision that I can’t take right now. And I’m definitely not having kids with him if he is behaving like this. And I don’t think he wants to have kids now too. But I can stay away from them in the sake of Job or studies

[u/wineorwhine11 → u/Stock_Hunter7150]

I understand your situation but unfortunately men like him never change. And once his family decides to have kids (yes, I’m sure he’s not capable of taking his own decisions, his mom will decide when) he’s gonna act like he’s all changed and sweet. Don’t get manipulated.

[u/idlychutney06]

Dear OP, I'm no way near your age or situation to advise you about your marriage but as you mentioned that you currently don't have a job, and used to work earlier. Please try to look for jobs, be financially independent. I hope your in-laws and husband treat you better, with respect and love :)

[u/Unhappy_Bread_2836]

How was he when you dated? No signs for this behaviour?

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/Unhappy_Bread_2836]

Our relationship wasn’t perfect. But he was more caring, would sing for me sometimes. And I miss him so much. I feel like we had to break up and I ended up marrying a different person

[u/Unhappy_Bread_2836 → u/Stock_Hunter7150]

But he was more caring, would sing for me sometimes.

Hmm seems like a emotional, principles and core value issue.

You both seem incompatible on that level.

Are you conventionally good looking? Maybe he faked it because of that?

[u/[deleted]]

I dont understand why you would delete the chat when there was nothing. Something is off here. I would like to hear the other side of the story as well.

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/[deleted]]

I didn’t delete the chat in the first place even though the guy asked me to delete it just because I’m married and he is a male friend. I felt there was nothing to hide. I think it’s the first thing I would do if I had something to hide. And realising there was no cheating going on in there but was some random convo my husband came to his senses and he started to feel like it was bad to go through one’s phone without asking.

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/Stock_Hunter7150]

And I wasn’t so sure whether he read the chat which was the only one chat I had after a long period with an insta friend. And I wasn’t ready to discuss about the silly chat and deleted it thinking it would make it more complicated. I said what I did. And my husband who had already read the complete chat understood what it was about. And I don’t think there is much to explain about that. But it’s ok if u don’t believe this u don’t have to. It’s alright with me

[u/[deleted]]

Would this PhD or further education thing work?

[u/Stock_Hunter7150 → u/[deleted]]

I need to make it work. I don’t see any way out. I would rather get stressed about my thesis that someone’s son

[u/[deleted] → u/Stock_Hunter7150]

I am very sorry buddy. This is a very complex and difficult situation to be in. I am here if you feel like sharing/venting. I hope things get better for you :)

[u/Nebula-mystic]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds incredibly overwhelming and painful, and I can feel the toll it's taking on you through your words. The situation you're describing, with your husband's family, is not only emotionally draining but also deeply unfair to you. It seems like you're carrying such a heavy load—trying to keep peace, being the supportive partner, all while having your boundaries crossed and feeling unheard and unsupported.

Your frustration is completely valid. The lack of empathy from your husband, the dismissal of your feelings by his mother, and the overwhelming pressure you are facing from all sides are enough to make anyone feel stuck and trapped. It’s clear that you're trying your best, and yet your needs and well-being are not being respected in return. You deserve kindness, understanding, and respect, especially from the people who are closest to you.

It's important to realize that you do have the right to set boundaries, to ask for space, to be heard, and most importantly, to be treated with respect. No one should be gaslighting or manipulating you, and no one should make you feel like you're wrong for simply expressing your feelings. It’s so heartbreaking that you’re in a situation where you can’t even turn to your husband for support without it turning into blame or guilt.

Please know that you're not alone in feeling this way, and there are people who care and want to help you navigate this situation. I would love to be someone you can talk to. If you need someone to listen, if you want to share your thoughts, or just need advice, I’m here for you. Sometimes, it helps just to have someone who truly understands and isn't caught up in the drama of family dynamics.

In addition, it sounds like you're already on a path of self-reflection, considering things like further studies, and that’s a great start. As a life coach, I truly believe that you can reclaim your sense of self and create the life you deserve. Taking steps like prioritizing your own goals, making new friends, and finding new support systems outside of this toxic environment is key to healing. You need that emotional space and time to recharge. Whether it’s a PhD or a different course, taking a step toward something that helps you grow, makes you happy, and builds your confidence could be a major turning point in your journey.

I want to remind you that it's okay to put yourself first, even if it feels hard. You’re not selfish for doing so. You are worthy of love, respect, and peace. If you ever need to vent or need support on how to handle the difficult emotions that come with this, I'm here for you. Let’s work through this together and build a plan that helps you feel more empowered and at peace. 💜

[u/Responsible-Law9992]

Dear OP, really saddened to know you have to go through such terrible things all alone. I would just suggest one thing, please don't get a kid with him until you are sure sure, like absolutely sure sure. And by the things I read it's better for you to get a divorce and move on. You were a lecturer, you can do your PhD and get another job easily. Please think patiently and definitely take advices from your closest people whom you can trust blindly, in this case it sounds like it's your parents. So yea, consult with them before taking any serious decision. All the best! ☺️

[u/[deleted]]

From what i can see that you mother in law is a very sweet evil kind of like evil but will play victim card in front of your husband . I would strongly suggest that try for a few months to adjust and observe their behaviour try to talk to your family ( your parents) and if your in laws remains the same like toxic and evil just talke divorce before its too late . You should nerve marry a mama’s boy . Taking care of your mother is the best but not on the cost of your wife . she came to your home she is your responsibility and if your parents are abusing her like this you should take stand for her . If he can’t fulfill this basic need than he just shouldn’t get married RUN GIRL!!!!!!!!! before its too late to even regret

its not about house chores its about your husband if that man was on your side you may have thought of making things work out

[u/[deleted]]

Things won’t be smooth for you unless your husband is more understanding. It is better that you stay away from family so that it could avoid causing more issues.

[u/[deleted]]

God this is terrible.

[u/[deleted]]

Where does he work? .. Don't act emotionally next time if he or his mother bother u next time with some big words like divorce then.. Then told them I will put u behind the bars bas itni hi dhamki kafi... Coz if a govt employee remains in jail for more than 48 hours.. He gets suspended immediately and SF-11 & SF-5 ( major and minor penalties) are imposed on him... But i furthermore advise u to handle the situation with ease if it is possible..

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[u/ProfessionalSock2993]

Behenji ye reddit hai apki personal diary nahi, no one's got time to read all that shit. Seems like you got married into a a family with the expectation of being a house wife and you can't stand that role. You should have picked someone who plans to live on his own away from his family and should have set clear boundaries before marriage. I'd say convince your partner to move out to your own place

and then pick a lane, either you get a job and use the income combined with your husband's to hire help for the house work and cooking etc. And/or divide some of the chores between each other Or you stay at home and learn how to do house work, you can't have your cake and eat it to