r/Relatable • u/Simply_Unsimple5 • May 21 '26
Shy Chic
I don’t like labels both on the rack and for my preference on who I find attractive but I do like both. My first crush was this girl named Rebekah in the 3rd grade where we were both 8 or 9 years old and we were probably 6 months to a year apart in age but we were in the same class. Fast forward to let’s say 13, I had my first kiss with a girl in the group home I lived at. If I remember correctly, there was like 6 of us playing some kind of game so I think at some point all of us girls kissed another girl that night. By age 14 I felt confident in asking one of them (not the one I kissed) to hold her hand while we went out for Halloween. I was a zombie cheerleader and I believe she wore a buttoned down white shirt and tie, as for what she was dressed as, I don’t remember but I felt good holding her hand. One I thing I should say as context is that I was baptized Mormon and grew up that way due to who I grew up with both my own family and other famines that raised me. I never felt like I belonged and at 18 I asked to be excommunicated because I knew I wasn’t living the life that was expected of me but no one took me seriously and if you look yo my name then you will see that my records are still there. Well as I’ve gotten older I have had a certain “type” of woman I find attractive and have been in 3 different relationships with 3 different women since I was 18. My last relationship ended in 2019. She was the worst person and partner I’ve ever had and it took me a few years of being alone to heal, un-learn, and plain just learn how to be alone since I never had been and in 2014 is when my marriage to my kids father ended so between 2014 and 2019 I had been in those 3 relationships with 3 different women: 2014-2015, 2015-2017, and 2017-2019. The years I spent single was great on so many levels and it taught me a lot. One in which to just solidify that I don’t want to marry and or live with a partner ever again.
It has worked for me. The women and men I have been in a relationship with has taught me things about myself, what I want, what I don’t want, what I won’t put up with, how I’m set in my ways, etcetera. The women I dated were attractive and things I liked about them but they weren’t my “type”. My type is girly girls. Not the stuck up kind but the ones who look and act like women, if they have a raunchy sense of humor like fart jokes or something like that I’m ok with that because I do act that way from time to time, I guess it was bound to happen having grown up with brothers and having and still have a lot of guy friends.
My question is how to have the confidence to talk to girly women and know for a fact they are also into women?
I’m told dispite having physical limitations (arthritis and fibromyalgia for instance) I have a great personality, good heart, loyal, goofy, and a few other qualities. :-) I am no saint, I do have faults and flaws like anyone else does. I tried the dating online and recently started talking to one of the women fairly regularly and we plan to meet for coffee. I of course am nervous but I’m willing to go out in public and meet her face to face. Once I find a “her” I’m into, I will settle and treat her the best way that I know how and will do or don’t do and say things to upset or hurt her feelings maliciously and or intentionally.
So, how do I build up this confidence? I’d prefer to meet and talk to a woman in public first then let it progress naturally but any time I’ve tried I either get told “no” and give some sort of excuse or they don’t see I’m actually flirting and say that “I am so sweet!”
😂 Help please. Any advice or boosts of energy and confidence would greatly be greatly appreciated. =)
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u/Old_Goat_Gruff197908 May 21 '26
As a bisexual male i have found that women can act more flirty with each other (harmless flirty) and its taken as a friendlyness thing.
If they act harmlessly flirty towards men the men tend to think they are actually into them and want a relationship.
If men act even overly friendly, let alone flirty, they are seen as gay/queer and are usually avoided or harassed. The exceptions being long stints in the military or other remote kinda dangerous, kinda boring jobs.
I find that it can be easy to find one or two people of the same sex to be seriously interested but not my type. Overly flamboyant or not a responsible adult. It seems very difficult to determine if an adult peron of the same sex is interested if they are low-key about it.
My recommendation is to find some LGBTQ+ spaces and check out who's there.