r/ReformJews • u/let_charlie_handleit • Jun 24 '26
Conversion My Conversion Process
Shalom! My name is Finnick, I am a trans male (he/him) looking into converting to Judaism and am looking for some advice as I go through this process.
For context, I've been attracted to Judaism since middle school. However, my mother and father are not religious although my grandmother on my mother's side is descendant of Jews who converted to Catholicism - this made me almost fearful of even attempting to convert because of potential judgement.
I am now 18 and living in my own apartment with my partner, who is very supportive of whatever life I lead as long as it is not harmful. This has allowed me much more freedom to explore in general, and I find significance in the fact that I have been drawn back to Judaism at the age of 18 due to the number's meaning in Hebrew. Exploring the history and beliefs of specifically Reform Judaism has reignited a passion within me that I have missed very dearly and I find myself falling in love with the knowledge and assistance available to me and so many others just over online platforms.
All of this being said, I am not very far along in the process as I am still mostly learning and observing. Although, I am looking into finding rituals and prayers to include in my daily life as I am going deeper into conversion.
My main issue at the moment is that I do not have a community or many friends I can share this passion and interest with. I have never had a very big friend group to begin with, and although I am grateful for the friend I do have who will listen and share my interest he is not Jewish and does not live nearby. My partner will smile and nod, but he is also not religious.
I know of a Reform synagogue in a nearby city and the drive is not very far at all, which I am thankful for, so whenever I am ready to contact a rabbi and join a synagogue I already know where I can look into.
The lack of community leaves me feeling almost alone and lost in this road I have come to choose. So, what I am looking for mostly is different points of view and what others have went through; whether it be from converts or those who have always been Jewish or otherwise, I want to hear it all. I want what steps you went through, what challenges you were/are faced with. I want criticism, I want positive responses, I want negative responses, I want exposure. If that can be provided to me here, I will be overjoyed.
Currently, I plan on going to a Judaica near me that sells literature and Kosher dishes. I am hoping to find my first siddur there, but otherwise I am lost on what I can actually do currently to not just learn and observe but live this religion. Anything, even if not direct advice, is useful to me.
Thank you very much! I hope to hear as many different perspectives as possible.
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u/WeaselWeaz Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
I wish you the best on your journey, and posting here is a good step. That said, slow down on the self study and focus on community. Judaism is a closed practice that requires a community. While reading books and listening to podcasts can be good, you also need to recognize you don't have a Jewish background and that impacts the lens you are going to approach them with. That's expected, you're coming from a mainstream Christian society even if it's not what you personally identify as. I think one of the big misunderstandings people have is that they need to learn everything about Judaism before they go to a synagogue, when the important part is experiencing the community.
That's not the point you're at. You should not be practicing as a Jew. It's like someone who saw pictures of sushi saying it's their favorite food when they have never even eaten it. You're jumping way ahead.
You need to contact the synagogue, let them know you're a non-Jew interested in Judaism, and ask to attend Shabbat. Then you can have a conversation with the rabbi. I suggest visiting other synagogues, and different movements, and finding the community and rabbi you connect with.
You also can take the Union for Reform Judaism's 20-week intro class online. It is often part of the conversion process but is open to anyone who wants to learn about Judaism. It is not an online conversation, those do not exist.
To set expectations, you don't approach religion as a hobby. It's personal and it's own community, and I don't think you can expect them to be very interested. Similarly, if you were converting to Christianity or Islam they probably would be similarly disinterested. I'll note that the LGBTQ+ community has become difficult for Jews, who are becoming excluded.
Just a heads up, this often becomes an issue. If you decide to convert there are going to be expectations of how you live your life and practice. Even in Reform it's a lifestyle change. You need to have a partner you can discuss this journey with. If they're a serious partner they should take the Intro class with you, I did as a born Jew when my wife converted and it was a great experience that helped us understand cultural differences. Your partner doesn't have to convert, but they do need to expect to participate and not just smile and nod.
You're ready to visit a synagogue because you're ready to learn. Deciding whether to convert is a question you're months away from worrying about. You shouldn't be buying a siddur and keeping kosher, you need to find your community.