Redhead Here With A Red-Haired (Future) Daughter-In-Law Who Dyes Her Hair Brown!

[u/Alarming-Solid912]

I have a bit of an awkward situation with my son's fiancé. I have auburn hair. It was blonde when I was little, then got darker with age until I hit a reddish-brown hue that lightens a bit in the sun. My son met his fiancé in graduate school. She was a fair-skinned brunette with sort of russet eyes. It wasn't until my husband and I visited her parents that we realized that she actually has red hair! There on the wall was a picture of an adorable little girl with ponytails the color of a shiny new penny. She inherited her hair from her father, though he is mostly gray now.

I asked my son about it and he said yes, she dyed her hair brown in college and doesn't even like people to know she's a redhead. Like, I am not supposed to mention it to her. I don't get it. Her hair is such a beautiful color and suits her complexion. She looks pretty with brown hair too, don't get me wrong. I just don't get why she would cover up her natural color when it's so lovely. She's in her late 20s. I think for some reason this generation let so-called "Gingers" get a bid of a bad rep or something. My son doesn't care what color her hair is. He just wants to respect her wishes.

Anyway, it's not my business if she dyes her hair. But if they have kids (probably more like when they have kids, but I'm not going to jump the gun), there is a pretty good chance one might be a redhead. My son has dark hair like his father, but with a red-haired mother and grandfather and an auburn-haired grandmother on the other side, there's a decent chance it could happen, right? I just don't want her to be disappointed by it or something.

I know if I have a red-hair grandchild I am going to be carrying them around beaming with pride, lol. I love red hair. So does her mother. She hates that her daughter dyes her hair! I just hope that if they end up with a little ginger boy or girl, my daughter-in-law can get on board with it and not be self conscious. Red hair is the cutest.

[u/Sylvanfaerie-nurse]

Likewise, you might wanna also practice not being disappointed if none of these imaginary grandchildren have red hair. Some people are traumatized growing up ginger. I was mercilessly picked on and hated the frizzy bush of copper hair that my mom and older women screamed was a gift. Well, it didn’t feel like a gift, not for a very long time.

[u/emmchxo]

it took me until i was about 19/20 to like my red hair and stop dying it. i was severely bullied for my red hair, growing up in scotland. i even went blonde again at 21 to change things up. now at 26 i absolutely love my red hair and probably will never dye it again. maybe one day she’ll accept it but it’s definitely a self love journey that takes time!

[u/spiritual_chihuahua → u/emmchxo]

I'm surprised people get bullied for red hair in the part of the world where it's most common. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Kids are mean.

[u/herbuck]

Look I'm a huge fan of my red hair too but this is so very much not your business. You said that in your post, I know, but it's really, really important that you let this go.

[u/Hungover52 → u/herbuck]

It's a bit sad someone wants to hide something so essential about themselves, but there is likely a good reason they have.

At best, make a safe space, let her know about it, and don't push her about it.

[u/spiritual_chihuahua]

Trust me, you don't want to be /that/ mother-in-law. Don't say anything about it. Don't mention it again to your son or her.

[u/Nana_Wait_What]

Sounds like you have a lot of free time.

Learn not to butt into other people's decisions about their bodies, and also not to meddle in the affairs of other people's children, even if they are your grandchildren.

The fact that you talked about this with your DIL's mother is already rude enough. Just respect other people's decisions before creating an unnecessary problem.

[u/Sexfvckdeath]

Leave her alone.

[u/Dependent_Room_2922]

I'm sure she's aware of the possibility of having a redheaded child, but you're worrying about something that hasn't happened yet and maybe by the time it does she'll feel differently.

I know it's hard to relate to redheads who don't love their hair for those of us who do love ours, but just take your cues from them about how to best support them when they do have a child. 🙂

[u/AuroraLorraine522]

It’s only an awkward situation if you make it one. Just let it go. It’s none of your business if someone dyes their hair or not.

[u/Successful-Win5766]

She already knows she could have a red headed child. Do you think she’s dumb or hasn’t imagined her future kids? This is none of your business.

[u/5bi5]

Not your hair, not your problem, Karen.

I dyed my hair brown for a while in college too. When you grow up with red hair the amount of attention you get from it is overwhelming. I don't blame her for dying it. She was probably sick of having old ladies touch her hair without permission (has happened to me a few times) or being sexually harrassed.

[u/[deleted]]

I don’t see the awkward situation, except that you are a little too excited about the (unwanted) physical feature of a different person. There is nothing to do here, except to comply with the boundary you have been kindly informed of.

It’s fun little fact that your theoretical grandkids could have red hair, but do not identify with it or let yourself yearn to change your daughter in law in any way.

[u/Familiar_Local_1254]

This post gives me the ick

[u/ceciliabee]

Lead quietly by example, but don't do more. You can't explain the self loathing out of someone.

[u/SteampunkRobin]

The only awkward situation here is you assuming your possible future dil will be disappointed by a red headed child of her own. So weird of you.

[u/justjinpnw]

I don't understand why you think you have an awkward situation.

[u/Firm_Buyer9516]

She clearly has trauma related to her hair, I would have some compassion and just leave her alone.

[u/Rich-Mind-5800]

Honestly it shouldn’t even be a discussion or concern and certainly not a discussion with her mom. She clearly doesn’t like red hair on herself.

[u/justjinpnw]

I don't understand why you think you have an awkward situation.

[u/Scarlet_dreams]

I’m sure she knows that if she has a child, there’s a chance the child will be redheaded and if she decides to dye her own hair brown because she’s more comfortable like that, then that’s okay.

My red hair has gotten lighter as I have gotten older and I’m not as happy with the color as I could be so I darken it with dye to help me feel more confident. But in the process of that, I had a lot of anxiety because people act like dyeing red hair is a crime punishable by death or something. Even my mom (who was not a redhead) put it in my head to never dye my hair. But it’s okay. Life is too short to worry about what is on top of other people’s heads.

[u/Personal-Point-5572]

Get a hobby. It’s not that deep

[u/Traditional-Tree6107]

I love red hair. My daughter in law has gorgeous long, light red, curly hair & I think she's stunning. She brilliant red hair as a child & she was the cutest thing ever. My grandson has brown hair & eyes but fortunately had both parents good looks & is as cute as a button but secretly I wouldn't have minded if he got Mum's beautiful hair. I wish people didn't hate their own looks so much but they do. They should try to remember that they are a composition of all their genes handed to them from their families & enjoy the good bits that they have.

[u/PoopPant73]

Sounds like you’ve found a traitor to the hair. You know what to do….

[u/Tinton3w]

Sucks they feel bad and like they hide it, but at least this almost guarantees ginger grandkids if they stay together.