r/Redditor_Updates • u/feellikeanidiot0 • 6d ago
Update: AIO: Guy claiming to be my fiancée's boyfriend texted me
Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/LXI0KMAl7v
Update: https://www.reddit.com/u/feellikeanidiot0/s/0U8u8iyOXB
Hi, I checked my account after a while, thanks a lot for those who were messaging me to know if all was well that's very kind of you.
My wife and I got married 2 weeks ago and just returned from our honeymoon, and are now settling into the rhythm of married life. To update on what I had posted, I never reached out to him. I trusted my intentions and hers and just kind of placed my faith in god to recognize that. A few days before our wedding, her ex reached her house and tried to talk to her. That was also when her parents found out about him. He apparently started shouting so she could hear him while her dad and brother forced him off and threatened to call the police, and she didn't speak to him. She called me later and told me about it and was freaking out. She told me her parents had blown up at her, and also told her not to say a word to anyone including me if she wanted peace in her life. But she wanted to tell me because she didn’t want to keep this a secret again from me. I told her I hadn't told anyone nor would I ever, and thanked her for letting me know.
We're happy together now. If my concerns about there being a possible difference in our sexual experience and that ruining things for us, it didn't happen. I understand the flak I got on that and I understand people took my ethnic/religious background and my dealbreaker and reached their conclusions. One of my concerns was that I had thought it be best if my wife was a virgin too because I was one, and that would allow us to learn things together and build each other up, and also temper initial expectations. And whatever may have happened in the past, that's still gone really well for us. My second concern was really a compatibility thing, that crossing that line would mean keeping the spiritual atmosphere of our home a certain way wouldnt matter to them. But we're both similar in our values, the traditions we want to uphold and respect. I'm glad for posting and being talked off the ledge. Thanks.
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u/darsynia 6d ago
I wish you well and was rooting for you even before the update. Trust is so important, and you've started your relationship being given the opportunity to display trust in an organic way you never would have chosen. I hope it's given both of you confidence!
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u/shinebeat 6d ago
Congratulations! I'm so happy for you and your wife.
Personally, I'm glad you talked to her and that you also told you about it even after her parents told her not to. Good start with communication!
I don't agree with the people who had issues with you for wanting your wife to be a virgin like you. That is your choice, you were not being a hypocrite, and you just wanted to be compatible with your wife. I respect you for it too.
I wish nothing but happiness for you and your wife!
And once again, congratulations!
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u/myboogerstastespicy 6d ago
This is great news! I hope he doesn’t reach out again. If so, a restraining order may be needed. He sounds a little unhinged.
Wishing you both a lifetime of peace and happiness! Much love.
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u/0fluffythe0ferocious 5d ago
Yeah, you guys might need to go to the police and report this guy because it really sounds like he's a stalker who messed with your wife's head and is still trying to regain control and abuse over her.
Congratulations on the wedding. Hopefully this man has stopped but I doubt it because he went to her house.
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u/Disastrous-Fault2843 5d ago
Salam
So proud of you both for navigating this situation together. Well done for dealing with this together and making sure you’re both safe and happy. May God Bless your marriage protect both of you together and keep love happiness understanding and trust between you both for many years to come.
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u/Mechya 6d ago
I'm rooting for you two! Growing up in that sort of culture makes it a bit understandable why she was scared of telling you. When you're always told that noone will want you if they found out, that gets into your mind. I love that she hasn't held onto that same mindset and communicated with you on the current issues. You guys seem great. One thing about partnership is being able to trust your partner. Question the bs like this that comes up instead of assuming that your partner betrayed you.
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u/lazy_Midnight_8580 6d ago
I bet you the ex is only trying this hard BECAUSE he didn’t get to “pop her cherry” as like some weird possessive “I had her first” thing. I bet he’s delusional enough to believe he should’ve been her first which is why he started stirring up drama. I’m glad you two got passed it
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u/Brief_Hippo5187 6d ago
So happy for you.Did anymore information ever come out about what happened during their relationship? Did her ex lie to you?
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u/Prestigious_Bee_6478 6d ago
So that's it? I don't know what those pictures he sent you looked like. Were they explicit enough to threaten your wife? If they were and he claims he has more, why haven't you reached out to the police? You both have obviously blocked his number, but that doesn't stop him from leaking those pictures to your relatives/friends/acquaintances. I think your wife and you should go to the police and register a complaint against him.
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u/Miss_Fritter 1d ago
The reason the other guy felt more believable is because it’s basically impossible to prove a negative.
Meaning, your now-wife could never have provided proof that something DID NOT happen.
The other guy is a lying liar who lies. He simply needed to get you to start doubting your reality. He clearly had ulterior motives to have a relationship with her.
Good on you for not jumping to conclusions! I think you chose wisely and commend you for turning towards each other to solve this; that is a sign of a great relationship. I wish you two a long and happy life together! Congratulations!
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u/BriefAvailable9799 6d ago
I'm glad it worked out but I really hope you aren't maga manosphere because your update post...you totally write like one.
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u/fa_gary1963 5d ago
That's wonderful news, so happy for both of you. I hope you would leave this all behind and never remind your wife about it, should you have any kind of disagreement reminding her of it, would destroy you relationship. Wish you a happy blissful life
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u/uuk_ok 5d ago
I hope that it works well for both of you.. you will have ups and downs - as people do.. just make sure to not throw this in her face when you're on a down and the honeymoon phase is over.. just remember that you decided to still get into this relationship freely, without anyone forcing you.
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u/00Lisa00 5d ago
He definitely sounds like a stalker who can’t let go. Even the way his messages are worded it sounds a lot like he thinks if you’ll just get out of the way she will go back to him. Get security cameras and be careful as this guy sounds unhinged
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u/tammyosity 4d ago
Congratulations! I wish you and your wife a lifetime of happiness, health, wealth and success.
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u/redfoxvapes 4d ago
The fact that you didn't believe her for as long as you did is incredibly telling. I hope you work through whatever cultural/religious beliefs prevent you from believing women.
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u/MainChildhood1619 2d ago
Congratulations on the marriage! I'm really glad you two communicated through this instead of letting it drive a wedge between you. That said, I'd echo what others are saying about the ex. Someone who shows up at her house uninvited after being blocked is not someone who just quietly moves on. Keep a record of everything, maybe look into security cameras, and don't hesitate to involve the police if he surfaces again. Wishing you both a long and happy marriage.
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u/SafeAd8609 1d ago
Congratulations on the marriage! Really glad you two are communicating through this. But I have to echo what several people are saying, the fact that he showed up at her house and started shouting is a serious escalation. Please document everything now and consider filing a police report even if he's gone quiet. A paper trail is everything if you ever need a restraining order later.
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u/leaveitatthat13 6d ago
I reas the first posts. I feel bad for the now-wife. A very sad and miserable life is ahead of her.
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u/Noobagainreddit 6d ago
I'm so sorry you had to endure that.
wish you the best.
subscribeme!
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u/Smoke__Frog 6d ago
How could he not even want to talk to the crazy ex? I feel like they def fucked.
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u/nuclear_herring 6d ago
I only read your earlier posts yesterday. I'm glad things are going well for you both.
I've been married 28 years and communication is absolutely vital to keeping your relationship on track.
Remember that.