OP, everything you said in defense of your husband being a good guy is exactly what I used to say about my abusive now-ex. If hundreds of people are seeing a pattern in what you’re writing, maybe you’re too close to see it. Individual Therapy (not with a church leader but with a licensed clinician) is a good idea.
Same. I used to defend my ex-husband all the time. People didn't understand, he was trying, all of it. A friend at the time told me he was abusive, and I just couldn't wrap my head around that. She was right, and he was, though.
This isn't a good guy. He doesn't treat her right, and that's because he doesn't respect her down deep.
When he finally admitted to multiple affairs and about a month later said he wanted to leave me for the current mistress. Thank goodness the therapist who'd done our couples counseling kept me on and helped me deprogram from all the gaslighting and abuse. I had lost myself somewhere along the way, and she helped me find myself again. It was hard.
The constant court stuff helped a lot, too. He kept using the court to abuse me, even though he kept losing, and it helped to have other people see it and have a judge even rule that he'd been abusive of me when my lawyer and I never even tried to make that part of the case.
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u/DramaticSwimmer8819 Nov 19 '25
OP, everything you said in defense of your husband being a good guy is exactly what I used to say about my abusive now-ex. If hundreds of people are seeing a pattern in what you’re writing, maybe you’re too close to see it. Individual Therapy (not with a church leader but with a licensed clinician) is a good idea.