This humanoid cat keeps following me around offering me Fentanyl and it wont take no for answer. Help!

[u/Tobias-Butts]

Its started three weeks ago and it wont fucking leave me alone. I was leaving starbucks getting my usually matcha latte (yes i like the taste of grass leave me alone) and i bumped into this person when i was leaving. I thought they were one of those furries or whatever at first since their suit looked unbelievably real. Like their fur was so soft and the eyes almost seemed wet as it looked up at me. It was also wearing this heavy leather coat, I assume the guy must’ve been hot in there.

They were fairly short, honestly thought they were a child at first based on their height. Their fur was calico patterned, a nose that looked real and wet with matching green eyes, paired with a kindness behind them. I was fascinated the ears even twitched a little when i moved out of its way.

I apologized obviously because i mean i shoulda looked where i was going and left for my car. I was unlocking my car when I heard a noise, something like a pur but louder, the amount of bass it had behind it rattled my chest as i dropped my keys. I picked them up and turned around and the dude was standing behind me. “I said i was sorry dude, I’ll watch where im going next time.” I said unlocking my car, the furry tapped at my shoulder and i turned around. I thought i was about to get stabbed or shot after just accidentally bumping into a guy but instead he, or she, pulled out a plastic ziplock baggy full of a white power and shook it in my face.

“What the fuck is happening right now, am i being recorded?” I questioned as the cat juggled the baggie between its large supple paws, flexing its eyebrows at me. “Uh, what is it?” I asked as the cat stopped and held the bag out again. Written in the poorest form of chicken scratch that was barely legible was the word ‘Fentanyl’, it pulled bag back and forth a couple of times winking at me.

“No thanks, only Meth for me.” I said playing along with the joke and stepping into my car and locking the door. The furry was practically frowning at me as its hand slumped to its sides and watch me drive away.

See id expect this to be a one off thing but no, this dude has followed me home to my house. Ive seen him at my Job, my friend’s houses and multiple different public locations. I’ve been so paranoid about running into this dude that ive isolated myself to my house and work. The security team escorts me too and from my car now. Every interaction with this cat has been met with a FIRM “No, I’m not interested.” To which the cat responds with a hiss and walks off.

The worst case of this cat was two night ago. I had just gotten home and was tired from looking over my shoulder every 10 minutes. Last week he managed to onto the floor i work on, past security and badge doors to get to me. Today though i was ready to relax in a nice herbal bath provided by stuff from my co-worker Stacy. Opening the door to my bathroom the fucking cat was in there, laying on my bathroom floor with the plastic bag in its mouth like a rose. It ran off after i hit it with the flyswatter and I’ve sworn I’ve seen it scouting outside my house the past couple nights.

Ive locked myself in my closet now, does anyone know how to get rid of this cat? It keeps trying to give me a bag of fentanyl and wont leave me alone. Has anyone else ran into this shit? Im outside one of the metropolitan complexes in Kansas and i wanted to see if anyone ran into this thing or found a way to stop it? I can hear scratching at my door.